Living With Bipolar

I have been living with bipolar disorder since the age of 18. My moods are so bad and no that I am older it has gotten worser, at the age of 19 I tried to kill myself. The reason hy is because I felt like I could not conrtol ho I felt about things that was going on in my life and that my life s not worth living. It feels like my moods change every minute of the day. Now that I am older it feels like I can not control it. Sometimes I feel like just offing myself and may be things would be better. I am going through alot in my life now, it seems like I have no control over it. My past realtionships has cause me to really feel so depress because the feeling that I have it's like no one cares. Now I am in a realationship and it like things are spinning out of control. I hate feeling like this because my moods cause me to feel bad and make me stay to myself. I hate bee around people when I feel like this. I just want to scream  WHY AM I LIKE THIS.  Things feel like they can get no better and no I am in a state to where I would be better off if I was not around for people to push me around or hurt my feeling. I just want to give up and call it quits. I need someone to talk to but can't afford to do so, so what am I to do about the situation at hand. I have been dealing with this for many years and sometimes I get tried of dealing with things in my life. The question always remain (What to do, What to do)  I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS IT IS MESSING UP MY LIFE AND ME CAUSE SOME THOUGHTS THAT I HAVE ARE DEADLY TO ME AND TO OTHER PEOPLE.

confused2010 confused2010
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I know exactly how you feel, I was diagnosed at the age of 13. Well i wasn't really diagnosed, my doctor doesn't want to give me a lable since i am so young. I still understand the the feelings of not being able to control your emotions or yourself for that matter. I know the feeling of just wanting it all to end and i'm only 14. I am terrified to go to school, because i don't know what i'll do next. Some days i'll be so happy and excited, while others i'll be so depressed and not want anyone to even talk to me. I don't know which mood i hate more, but if you ever need to talk feel free to ask, i may only be 14, but i still know what you are going through and people say i'm very mature for my age.