What's The Point?

I am 21 years old, and I have not done a thing with my life.

I have worked, but I have never applied myself at work. I feel I am inadequate even for the most simple of tasks, as no matter how I've tried in the past I have received nothing but criticism from employers and co-workers. I did well in high school, but, let's be honest; who isn't capable of that? I didn't try at all, I did everything last minute... the only way to fail in high school is to not show up.

Now I go to school in Colorado where I barely apply myself and am working towards a psychology degree, for which I have no future plans. I don't bother trying to find a job in my summers because I will just get fired or become discouraged and quit as I have with any other job. I fear the inevitable fact that once I am forced to be independent, I will fail as an individual and likely wind up homeless.

In addition to this, I can't even bring myself to put effort into relationships. I have no friends, I'm distant from my family and only speak to them if I need something or if I'm spoken to. I have a girlfriend now but she's on the verge of leaving, because as in all my relationships, I get involved to prove to myself that I can and then put in no effort and wait until she gets fed up and leaves. I guess in a way I do it to show myself I was good enough for someone at some point in time.

I can't see a reason to pursue the life that everyone else lives. I find existence to be sad when it's always the same routine... wake up in the morning, go to a job you don't like to make money that you need for your basic necessities... get home too tired to enjoy any of the luxuries you may or may not have built for yourself and go to sleep just to wake up and do it all over again. How does anyone stay sane doing this?

I don't know what I hope to accomplish by sharing this, but maybe something will come of it.
theboaguy theboaguy
18-21
3 Responses Jul 31, 2010

Hey! I'm 21 years old also and doing a psychology degree... your story really resonated with my own experience with feeling indifferent and apathetic to almost everything around me. I too was a high achiever in high school and naively thought that alone would see me succeed in the professional world.<br />
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Unfortunately, it doesnt work that way. effort, motivation and initiative comes easy for some and not for others- it sounds like you are experiencing a sort of numb depression- but im sure being a psychology student you have plenty of insight into this though when it comes to your own psyche its always useful to have an ob<x>jective outsiders perspective.<br />
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I have no wisdom to impart to you- i can only provide reassurance that what you are feeling is shared by other people- myself included. i wish i cared, but i dont and the pointlessness of it all is hard to justify. all we can really hope for is that one day we will value ourselves enough to strive for meaning and richness in life. corny i know, but true.

How I get into them, I don't even know really. Sometimes I actively try to, mostly to meet sexual needs, other times it just happens at random but it never lasts longer than a couple of months.

Hi, I have a similar feeling about how people typically live their lives. There are many other alternatives. For example I plan to grow my own food, live on a farm, and be completely surrounded by forest. Of course I will have to work to get there, but I will live my life the way I want to to the best potential that I do. Hopefully with a lover and some children by my side. <br />
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Also. I've got a question for you. How do you get yourself into those relationships with those people who you do not care about? <br />
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As for love, I have never really loved a person. I've been in two year long relationships and they have been mostly sex.