I Have Anxiety, But It Does Not Have Me

I am a 40 year old mother of 2 awesome children, married for 15 years to a wonderful husband who worships the ground I walk on. I have everything I could ask for and more, but suffer from extreme anxiety/panic attacks that keeps me homebound for most of my days. Some days are so bad that I cannot even walk to my mailbox. I haven't always been like this. I was very popular in school, a cheerleader and student council vice president. I was even an exchange student for one year in Sweden after I graduated. This all began for me in 2002 after a tree limb fell on my head. I experienced my first panic attack while driving 2 days after I was injured. I was terrified! Everything went numb, my vision changed, I was lightheaded, confused and alone. I continued to feel like this for several weeks and finally contacted my doctor. He started me on Paxil. I hated it. Things came out of my mouth that I couldn't control. Several years and many meds later, I decided that I liked myself better without taking anything. Plus the 75lb weight gain was enough to make anyone depressed. All was ok for a few years, and then my husband took a job transfer 3 hours away. We lived apart during the week and I would attempt the drive there on the weekends. At this point I would get a little nervous, feel the rush of panic starting at my toes and then it would subside. Then things got bad. My hair was falling out in handfulls, I was affected by bright florescent or dim lights, driving was impossible for me again. I just am so tired of feeling this way. I am unablis!e to be a good mom and wife. My poor children shouldn't have to make excuses for their mom. I am so over this!
tap72295 tap72295
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 4, 2010

Sending good thoughts your way. Saying you feel like a bad mom doesn't make you one. Hope you find the right drug combination or something else that will help.