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Never Really Knew

 I remember being in grade school and thinking "There are so many people who have it way worse than me".

I mean, I smiled sometimes, but at school I couldn't go one week without having cried at least 2 or 3 times because of bullies. I was mocked because of my extreme height and broad shoulders. Beast, Troll, Ogre, Spaz. Man.

To top it all off, and I hate to be blunt but, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. I tend to stop listening to people, more specifically, teachers and it lead to my lower marks.

 

I didn't dare bringing up my school difficulties with my parents because A) I thought that nothing was abnormal about my situation and B) I knew it was all to be blamed on my great supply of anger.

 

What does this all mean? It means that I was struggling in school so I quickly became irritated as I was frustrated with school. My ability to go from speaking to yelling within seconds caused bullying which lead to tears. I remember time slowing down when too much was happening to me, i would either hyperventilate, or stop breathing and just look at everyone wondering what was happening.

Two years later, still bullies, I told my dad about these moments and he told me that it was anxiety. 

 

A year later, I got fat, that didn't help. I listened to rock music instead of hip hop like everyone else. It was "weird".

I cut my wrists for a while. never for suicide, but in hopes someone would see.

 

Blah blah blah.

pity story.

I've been looking into it and I show signs of Depression, still, I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate people. I like my 4 friends.

peachplumpear peachplumpear 16-17, F May 8, 2008

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