Help - Extreme Depression & Anxiety

Wow....it's very hard to write this to people I don't know, but I need advice badly. I'm lost in life. I have no idea where I'm going to go in life. Since I was 9, I have had bad anxiety and depression. I think it started with my grandfather's passing and it's been going on ever since. All I do all day is lay in my bed because I'm too depressed to get up. I'm 17 years old and I have no job, dropped out of school, and lounge around all day.

I dropped out of school because I just couldn't bring myself to get up in the morning and face all my peers. I thought everyone looked at me and judged me and I couldn't do it anymore. I had a couple of close friends that got me as far as I got in school but lately we've been drifting apart. My grades slipped and eventually I didn't have enough credits to graduate on time. So I just drop out. But I didn't wanna be a bum when I got older so I signed up to get my GED. I've done two of the final tests, but I haven't felt like going for almost a month. I'm just not motivated enough.

I also have extreme self-esteem issues. I view myself as overweight, even though people tell me I'm not that fat, and I think I'm ugly. I know that sounds like most teenage girls' thoughts, but mine get really bad. I have zero confidence to the point where I'm scared to go to the store because I think everyone is looking at me and judging. I cry almost every night because I feel alone. It's hard to talk to my mother about these things and my father doesn't show any emotion so I think he doesn't care. I've tried therapy, medication, even a couple stays in a mental hospital, and it helps for a little bit but I always go back. The only person I could openly talk about this stuff to was my grandmother but she moved out of state and I talk to her on the phone a couple of times a month.

I need help, please. It's gotten so bad, I've even thought of suicide, even though I know I wouldn't be able to go through with it. It still scares me, though. If there's anyone who has overcome this, please let me know how you did it. I want a bright future but I just can't bring myself to get up and get one. Thank you.
kelseyrae09 kelseyrae09
18-21, F
1 Response May 7, 2012

hii....i am not the one who has overcome these but i'm surely one who suffers the same things...bad depression....feeling inferior in front of my friends....feeling that i'v got no talents....i'v got insomnia and i cry every night till late hours but i'v no one to share my sorrows with....so i can definitely understand your situations too...as a supporting friend,all i can tell you is that,don't mess up with everything dear...we complicate our life with our troubled mind,i know, but we have to control it somehow..though you feel that u are ugly, i definitely can tell from your pic that u are pretty....i don't really know how grades and education system works in your country, but there must be some education-streams that aren't too hard but help you to get jobs...try one of those....if you wanna talk more about your problems and also share mine then we can be friends....maybe i won't solve all your problems but even sharing with some one who understands,helps.........take care :)