I Feel So Helpless

Hello..i'v joined EP today,rather desperately because i just can't take it anymore. I don't know if at all anyone will listen to me and care. I have read that depression is a disease of the mind. Its not always that you have to be in a very sad situation to be sad. Atleast that is not the case with me. But its the sucked up mind that keeps troubling day and night. I feel hopeless all the time and i have no one to share or seek help from. I'm rather in such a mental position that i feel none really cares.

To start with,i have always been recognised as a strong girl. I have had friends in school but in all such friendships i was the source of support for the other. From childhood i have been a introvert who could never open up to anyone. This continued in school and i couldn't tell any of my friend what hurts me and when i needed them. As a result nobody cared to try to understand me though i continued to be their carer and advicer in all their problems. Burying all my sorrows to myself i began o suffer from loneliness. Over that i have this feeling of inferiority complex. Though i score fairly well in exams my mind says i'm not good enough,though i am not that very bad looking,my mind says i have flaws,though i really wanna help others and care for them my mind says i'm selfish. I'm confused about my ownself. I cry day in and day out for no(or perhaps lot many) reasons and i'v none to talk about this to. I cant go to a doctor alone neither can i tell mom or anyone to take me because none knows that i suffer from such depressions. I can't take anti dep meds because they have side effects without prescription. I cant write diary and ventilate my sorrows because i cant risk anyone seeing them and know my sucked up thoughts.

So digesting all my sorrows i'm going mad day by day. I put a smiling face infront of everyone to show that i'm okay but truth is that i cry atleast once in every hour or worse,all through the hour. I'v insomnia and i cant sleep at night. Many a night i keep crying till late,and then feel tired all through the day. Troubled thoughts make my mind tired and i forget important things. Ofcourse i'm very sentimental,which is the root cause of evrything and small things keep upsetting me besides the rest. Today i'm just fed up and have signed up here. All i need is someone who will patiently listen to me,a good listener who will support me,someone matured,who will understand. Not one who just wants a time pass. I dont know if at all there are any such people who cares to listen to others,what doesnt concern their needs, because most of my friends and ppl i know only care about themselves. Most of my things go unseen..still..with hopes of responses...............................................me
Ausmita Ausmita
18-21, F
8 Responses May 9, 2012

I understand completely, because I can tell you you aren't alone and I know exactly what you're going through. It hurts, it hurts like hell. But I promise it gets better. And I had the same issue with not being able to keep a diary, I created a cipher I still use today, something that only makes sense to you.

I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. As a mom, I want nothing but the best for my kids and if you were my daughter, I would want to know how much you are hurting. Sometimes I try to put on a brave face for my husband and kids but I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever. Of course sleep doesn't come very easily for most of us suffering with anxiety/depression right? I wish I could help you and give you a hug and tell you it will be alright. Please hang in there. I will pray for you. I find that talking to God gives me comfort.

In reading your story, I realize that I am not alone I have been through similar experiences. You are strong and courageous to share because you never know who you help by telling your story to people who can understand and relate. I have stories but in sort of a poetic verse by choice I guess. you inspired me to write another story thank you for sharing and God bless you.

Hi Ausmita, <br />
I can understand exactly what you are going through. <br />
One suggestion I can give you is: Why don't you try calling up a psychological helpline in the city? You can ask to remain anonymous. In this way, not only can you feel better but you wont have to put yourself through the additional pressure of seeking professional help.<br />
Ausmita, I am going through the same situation right now. Just remember you are not alone in this struggle. There are a lot of people out there who feel the same way. I am not going to tell you to 'snap out of it' because I know that it isn't easy. If you could, you would, right? But what I am going to tell you is don't focus on the depression. Just observe the feelings as though you're an outsider and the feelings will eventually pass. <br />
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Also, I don't know whether you would like this option, but perhaps talking to a parent (mom or dad) might be helpful. They might be able to guide you into feeling better.<br />
People may be able to reach out to you if you allow them to :)<br />
<br />
And remember, if at any time, you need someone to talk to, I'm always here. Im online most of the time so I can immediately respond to you. Take care of yourself :)

At one time I kept it all bottled up, always showing that fake smile. Then some very horrible things happened and got tired of the pain, lies, and fact that as much as I was there for everyone no one seemed to be there for me when I needed it most. I began to express everything but still I did not find comfort well at first but the high wore off as I saw people still didn't seem to care. Some yes in their own way I suppose but their way still always leads back to how they feel. Now eight years later with the growing and regressing I to have joined in hopes people might care and actually communicate with me. I battle many horrible memories to the point I automatically forget because at one time I programmed myself to forget and now it won't stop......forgetting milestones with my children and so much more! I know I. Can be better I just want to have people to really talk to. So in your quest I wish u luck and hope u find what helps you in your time of growth and self discovery and pull yourself out of that ever lasting hole within yourself!

Firstly, thank u so much both of you for hearing me….even this means a lot to me….<br />
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To julie295: Even I feel I should go to a doctor…But I’ve no one who can take me to doc…Is there any online counselling website where I can talk to some doctor??... If you know of any, please tell me… <br />
I feel hopeful to hear that even you too suffered and recovering…sometimes it seems like I’m trapped forever….thank you once again for supporting me…<br />
<br />
To kelseyrae09 : Yeah you are right…even I feel safer when I’m alone but then again I feel lonely….Its alright, a supporting hand is more comforting than advice… since we are having much in common, can we be friends??...we can chat sometime and share our experiences...thanks a lot once again for being there….

I'm sorry I don't know any online counselling websites. Maybe if you spoke to your G.P. about how you're feeling? Your parents don't have to find out about it if you don't want them too. I really hope you find a way. Until then we are all here for you!

It's very good that you joined this group because everyone here battles depression and anxiety so we understand your struggle. But what I would recommend is for you to try and get help (through a therapist or a doctor). I know exactly how difficult it is for you to take the step and get help but I want you to know that if you do it does get better!<br />
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Of course it will still be a long road ahead to recovery but you will have your good days as well. You deserve that, remember! I'm also an introvert and highly sensitive so I know how difficult it can be for persons like us to open up and be out in the world. It took me years of suffering to get help for depression and anxiety and now I am better although it's been a struggle and of course I still got my lows at stressful times.

I see that you have commented on my experience, so I owe it to you to comment on yours. You sound just like me. I am also an introvert, have been for as long as I can remember, and feel safer when I'm alone. I wish I could give you some form of advice, but unfortunetly, I am in the same exact spot as you are and I'm having a difficult time giving myself advice. All I can say to you is that I am here if you ever need to talk, vent, need a shoulder to cry on, anything. I hope this lends some comfort to you. Thank you. :)