Sad Girl :(

Hi there. This is my first time on anything like this so here goes.
About 6 yrs ago my husband passed away suddenly, which then threw my life into turmoil. Ever since then I haven't been able to fully move on. I suffer from low self esteem, and self hatred. I spend hours in the bathroom perfecting myself as I feel I'm never pretty enough or good enough to be loved again. I never seem to have trouble finding a partner as I've been told I'm extremely attractive, but I never seem to be able to sustain a relationship, because as soon as They get serious with me, I run and end it out of fear.... Fear that they will see the real me and how ugly i am and reject me.
I'm so lonely on the inside it's killing me slowly but I know it doesn't have to be this way but I just dont know how to change the way I feel...... It literally makes me feel sick
I have two beautiful children, and a relatively great life so I feel so selfish when I get this way. I feel at times I just want to end things but I try to stay strong for my children as I'm all they have left.
All I want to do is be happy within myself again and accept that I am a good kind person who deserves happiness and to be loved again. Please help me :(
Sadgirl35 Sadgirl35
41-45, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

Hi Sad Girl. I'm new to EP and just looking at how many people are suffering just like me. It makes me feel sad for everyone but I don't feel so alone anymore. I am sad like you. I have also thought about ending it all but like you I have 2 kids and could never leave them behind. Sometimes I wish I could just swallow a bottle of my Ambien and escape this torture. I will be here for you. You are a strong woman and you have been through a lot. You will find love again but you need to take care of yourself first. You absolutely are not ugly inside. Anxiety/depression is a disease and you need treatment. Have you seen a doctor or therapist? If not you need to. Do it for yourself and your kids. I have faith in you. We are all in this together and we will get through. I am suffering like you but I think we all need to encourage one another. I will pray for you. Hang in there! =)