So Tired.

So here I am, spending another day in unwanted, lonely silence. I feel invisible to people, except as someone others go to when they want something I can provide, or as the fat wise friend, whom they will then ignore when things are going well. O, of course, that person who doesn't quite fit in because I don't do exactly like everyone else; I can't quite do anything well enough, or something awesome like that. No matter what I say or do, I'm just wrong. It's always all my fault, and the other person is always in the right. I am completely alone in the wold, and I really, really wonder, sometimes, why I keep trying. Nobody likes me anyway -- or, they like me in that superficial, only-when-I'm-happy way -- so why do I want to keep trying?
RoundHoneyBear RoundHoneyBear
36-40, F
1 Response May 21, 2012

Well you just wrote exactly word for word how I feel as well, I finally am seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, because I have become very suicidal and have 2 children that I have to get my sh$% together for. I no longer have friends, or lovers, I only leave the house when I absolutely have to. And when I finally weighed myself 2 days ago I am the fatest I have ever been, weigh more than the days I had my babies. Somewhere deep inside u gotta find a reason to believe that you are perfect just as u are. YOU are right, the other person is probably manipulating u.