I Can't Snap Out This!

I get soooooo tired of feeling like crap! I'm not here to complain.......... but............ I see people who are truly happy. Good or bad, they don't let things get to them. I've battled this my whole life. Things get to me and it drags me down. So the only way I know how to deal is to just metally shut down.

See years ago I used to love being out with friends have a great time and building on my life. But now I have no idea who I am anymore. My marriage has completly fallen apart. and the problem it has never been all that good. But it hurts on so many levels when someone doens't want you the way you you need to be wanted. The emoitonal aspect of the lack of intamacy can be pulverice you. I used to have want to be out with friends, crave my wifes affections, get out and just do things. Now? All i wish for is one day to end so i can get on to the next. I don't really have any flose friends anymore either and that is the sadest part. My son though is the one thing in my life i can count on. I love to make people smile and laugh and consider myself and very passionate and loving person. But when you get that thown back in your face all the time, you just give up.

I know this probably doesn't make sense with all this rambling, but just wanted to air it anyways

Hikingguy Hikingguy
46-50, M
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

It completely makes a lot of sense. When I first started ready I had to check to see if you were a man or a woman because I have horrendous hormone problems that cause me to feel the same way. But then i read on.

It sounds as if something happened that caused you to begin evading, the truth, reality, you get the picture. A key to being happy, I have found, is that you must stay grounded in reality because the moment you begin to evade reality, bad things happen.

Think about your situation realistically, with the facts, not emotions, sometimes our emotions don't line up with logical thinking and in these caes it is always best to not focus on the emotional side, because this could cause us to act irrationally.

Another imprtant piece of the equation to happiness is realizing that you are responsible for your happiness. Just as a thought, not to say this is what you are doing, are you with your wife because you expect her to make you happy or are you happy and want to share that with her. There is a big difference there, and when you take responsibility for your happiness you can begin to live a productive life doing things that make you happy. It really makes a difference whenn you change even that small detail.

Another piece to this is your belief/value system. Are the serving you in a productive way. I guess, for me, the easiest way for me to explain this part is sharing with you one of my own experiences.

I used to refe to myself as an attention *****, I broke this down and tryed to figure out what was wrong with that statement. Long story short I was expecting my bf to lavish me with all the attention and love I gave him, you know the golden rule do unto others as you would have tem do unto you. What I realized was that in reality this is rarely ever the case. So that belief/value really no longer served me in my life. I give a lot of time and attention and love to my boyfriend because spending time with him and doing those things makes me happy, and since I let that 'golden rule' belief go, I cannot tell you how much happier I am in my relationship, and we don't argue anymore, except when my hormone problem gets in the way,but thats not the point here.

I am just trying to share some things with you that have tremendously helped and changed my life in hopes that it can benefit you as well. Good luck and I hope tings get better for you.

Thank you for that. It's a well written reply. It's not that I need a lot of attention. Just mutual respect. Fridnship in a relationship. I don't get that. and since my emotions have gone down the toilet, i do in fact try to see the reality of things. I do things for myself that bring joy into my life and that helps out a bunch. My son is my number one source of happiness and making sure he is happy. I've just had to learn to let go and not worry about trying to make her happy. I've tried for many years and it just doesn't work. She herself is a very unhappy person and you know what they say, misery love company. My job, my time in the mountains, working out and time with my son are what i feel my self worth is anymore. Hope that makes sense.
Anyway, thank you for the great advie.