Adrift.

I have been feeling extremely anxious this last week. I just returned from packing up my parents house after my dad passed away last year. Pretty much since he passed away (and then there were 3 suicides within 3 months after his death) my depression returned (to be expected). My bookkeeping business I had had for 8 years started to overwhelm me so I closed it down early this year. Following that one of my clients offered me part-time work which I loved - making frames at a picture framers! After 3 months I was devastated that I had to leave due to bosses personality that not only affected me but the other employees as well. But due to my head space at the time I was often crying on the job and/or walking home from it. I decided to leave and pretty much haven't worked since then (end of June). I fell into my worst bout of depression ever - until I made the decision to head down and pack up the folks house (mum passed 7 years ago). I thought getting that out of the way would allow me to move on with my life - set goals etc. Get a job! But since I have got back I can't seem to set my goals or help myself by booking appointment with physologist or put 100% energy into pursuing jobs. Of course I have no money and its the first time that the motivating factor of being broke hasn't been enough this time. So my next step is to go back up to the dosage my doctor recommended earlier this year and hope that over the next week or so I should start feeling better. While writing this story a friend rang out of the blue and said she is going through the same thing!! So while it felt good that I don't feel so alone in this craziness and irrational thought that anxiety is, I also feel better that I was able to listen and understand her exactly. We both came away from that phone call realising that while this anxiety is messing with us, we are not alone!! We have decided to be each others support system over the coming weeks and that is nice to know we are not alone. Thank you for reading my story.
1atlas1 1atlas1
41-45, F
Dec 2, 2012