Narcissists Around me: Mum / Colleagues / Partner

HI there,

I am 36 year old working hard office professional having serious depression (since I realised recently)

My Mum
My mum was a very difficult to please woman. When I was young and was the elder sister in the family, I had to listen & understand my mum's complaints about everybody around us (of course, except herself and not limited negative comments about me at all times). The positive comments only concerned about how beautiful she was young and plenty of followers. She praised my young sister as beautiful, smart and billion daughter in her life. I was alleged to the relative as the naughty girl at school and at home. Control is her strength as she always set rules at home, "cannot do this and cannot do that". At some stage, she bit me and also up to one occasion, she used chopping knife to chase me and cut my feet accidentally and said she could not controlled herself as I made her mad to her max.

I realised when I was young till now, I do like to hide myself in the room, do not like to talk to anybody and the "negativity" is always in my mind.

I worked so hard for 5 jobs in a roll and just because I wanted to buy a house to get her and my father to settle down when they migrated to AU. However, she did not appreciate how I have done and said I owed her forever.

Now, I shared my opinion with my Auntie and my father about what I found about my mum.  They were all shock and finally the puzzle matched.  At lease now, they support me at final.  I have only visited my mum once / twice at month and I found she is a bit nicer to me when I visit her less (however my father is not too happy with my few visits).

My Colleague
I am working at a company as PA. The boss' wife (working in the same company) I thought she was a very nice person. I thought she was a model as a perfect mum which could fill in the gap as my real mum (who treated me badly).  I treated & respected my boss' wife as if she was my real mum.  I feel I was tried to please her at all time no matter how stupid she was.

At some stage, she scolded me and looked down on me as I "intruded to her family business" or "I am just like my boss' puppy" etc, made me emotionally hurt few times.  However, the work I did was instructed by my boss.  I do not have any interest to bother her private family life!!!

Recently, my boss could not stand her anymore and moved out from home. She tried to control and force me to give her my boss' new address. However, I have to protect my boss' privacy and it is not allowed to give to anybody, she shouted at me since then in whatever situation. She bullied me and closed my office door and said I was rubbish, trash. I was terrified with her screaming every time she tried to walk into my room. Her fake face tried to influence everyone in the office I was a bad fellow.  I feel I left alone at all times, people are gossiping about me like I was the sin.

My boss is also under depression (battling his crazy wife).  He was sorry about his wife's verbal abuse to me and her unbelievable behaviour in the office.  However, not sure what reasons, he does not sack her with her negative big mouth spreading negative comments about me & my boss.  I dont want to give up my job as I finally works well with my boss (after my boss' wife noisy stop).

My Partner
My partner married 2 times and have 2 kids. At one time, I could not stand his controlling and wanted to leave him. He threatened me to jump down from the balcony. 2nd time, he threatened me to crash his car to the office. 3rd time, he pulled me out from the 1st floor to the ground floor and dragged me out of the house.

After 3 months separation, we got back together and he changed alot with his attitude and everything works fine now.  Even, he supports me and understand my battles every day.  He taught me to listen from one ear and go out from another ear, ignore his/her appearance.... however it is very hard to do it.

NOW
I realised no matter how I escape from those people, they will always appear around me as I am an Empath. I can only read a lot of self-help articles or blogs to ease my depression and get motivation.

Anyone can help me ??? Share with me your views.  I feel down and want to die sometimes. I feel frustrated  Sometimes I feel very terrified and burst into tears after my boss' wife suddenly goes into my office and bully me and walk off....................


DailySurvivor DailySurvivor
36-40, F
Dec 5, 2012