Still Fighting

It started off for me almost 3 years ago. Started off as anxiety. Went to the ER for racing heart but wasn't sure why or what was causing it. Just knew my chest felt heavy. ER gave me beta blocker and sent me on my way. Seemed to have stopped the racing heart but I became worried about it happening again. A month later had a scheduled doctor appoint,met for regular check up and soon as I got in to get my vitals checks, heart racing began again, up to 160. Doctor then did the worse thing she could've ever done, gave me kholonopin and Xanax. Not knowing much about these drugs started taking them and realized how less stressed I felt. When they ran out I stopped taking them and that's where my long road of higher anxiety with added depression that went on for 2 years. Headaches, depersonalization, wanting to die, anxiety attacks, horrendous depression to the point of feeling sick inside. I mean it was BAD! I thought I wasn't gonna make it and I thought I was losing my mind. Was back and forth to doctors who guaranteed me it was nothing "just stress" I knew something was wrong I was a different person and I cut myself off from the world for almost 2 years. Doctors suggested an anti depressants but I was so scared to take another pill so I just suffered and suffered. Cried everyday for almost 2 years along with depression, anxiety, headaches and head fog. I was lifeless. I eventually agreed to the anti depressants when I was at my end. Started off lexapro, didn't work, then Prozac at low dosage and it seemed to help a Lil. It's been a long road. I went from 20 mg of Prozac to now now 60mg in the course of a year. I, better then I was in those dark days but I still experience sad days and anxious days. Upping the dosage can be pretty uncomfortable since I just recently did after kicking a bad Vicodin habit. I figured upping the dose would help me not want the Vicodin anymore. Kicked the habit, stable on 60 mg and living life again, been on 60 about 2 weeks now and feeling better, went thru a rough time stopping the Vicodin but now been feeling a little down in the evenings since upping the dose but I'm hopeful that in a few more weeks ill be fine. My body is very sensitive and I have to be careful what I put in it or it will react. But here I am, still standing ;-) living proof that you can indeed make it thru the worst depression and anxiety of your life if u just hold on and be sure that your day will come when you'll feel close to normal again. There were many days I thought depression and anxiety was my fate nd u had to either just live like that or kill myself off, it took almost 3 years, worse 3 years if my life and I'm not 100% but I'm 90% and on my way. I've set goals and am now living life,
Fearlessfighter19 Fearlessfighter19
Dec 6, 2012