I No Longer Battle It. I've Learned To Accept It And Deal With It.

A long road to travel.Mostly alone because noone understands what you are going through. Mine started in prepubescence. Unexplained dread of going to school. I would play sick to stay home. Feeling like I didn't belong. I wanted freinds and to be accepted,but I was only comfortable alone.
About 8th grade I discovered alcohol and drugs made it easier to feel accepted. That was only a mask though and eventually.....Fast forward 2 divorces and 15 yrs. later the inevitable melt down came. An outburst of Rageand Frustration. Busting furniture and punching walls and doors. When the sheriff and paramedics arrived I was slumped against the house bleeding and crying just wanting it all to end. I couldn't stop crying... years of pent up emotion. Thinking I was afreak because I couldn't be like everyone else.
At th ER a shrink came to talk to me and suggested I see a Psychiatrist... Yea right...Now you are confirming I'm crazy!!! Basically gave me the choice to go willingly or it would end up in the courts...... THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME..
I saw the Psych. She was very good at drawing me out and by the end of my sessions , had pin pointed the triggers of the anxiety that led to the depression. For years I was on the Meds. Paxil, Wellb utrin..Lexapro..Finally I told my regular Doc I was tired of them. I didn't feel normal and I would rather just deal with it.
Fastforward 10 yrs to today.... It's not easy..but knowing what triggers my anxiety and the signs of an onslaught have made my life much easier than the Meds. Knowing..there is no real cure....Understanding that those around you "CAN"T" truly understand. It can be a very lonely road, but the knowledge and understanding of what is happening to you can level out the ups and downs of that road.
Peterbilt1955 Peterbilt1955
56-60, M
3 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Thank you for sharing that. My teenage daughter is struggling with anxiety. My brother had the same experience as you did. Glad to hear your life is stable now.

Thank you and hope your daughter is coping with it okay..

Enjoyed your story. It sound like a success story. I have been thinking especialy since I became an EP member and reading stories like yours to get myself off my meds too. I am in a better place then I was a year ago, but I don't think it's the meds helping me. I think alot of it is the time of healing. I fear going off my meds will send me for a loop and I don't want to go back. yet, I still don't like where I'm at.

Talk with your Dr. 1st. You need reduce the meds gradually. I know what you are feeling. After years of the meds I was concerned myself,but for me it was a good decision. Know your triggers and try to avoid the situations . If unavoidable at least recognize what is happening . I still can not go into WalMarts.. or any other crowded store.. I pay a bit more and go to the local store. That is just 1 example. You have to change and adapt a bit, but well worth it to me. Wish you luck...and peaceful nights sleep.:)

Absolutely agree!..understanding what is happening and when it's happening, helps us. No one truly understands unless they've experienced it themselves. Good for you if it's working without meds...i've cut out one med, and cut down on the other..its a little daunting to consider going off completely. I did that once and was good for 3 years, then i back slid horribly

I really do understand. It is daunting and not everyone reacts the same.It definitely is not a 1 size fits all problem. Talk to your Doc before doing it..and if possible. I highly recommend a psych that specializes in Anxiety /Depression. and... I am not a big fan of shrinks...lol.. but it did wonders for me..

Oh i saw a shrink for many years...he helped me tremendously!...