I No Longer Battle It. I've Learned To Accept It And Deal With It.A long road to travel.Mostly alone because noone understands what you are going through. Mine started in prepubescence. Unexplained dread of going to school. I would play sick to stay home. Feeling like I didn't belong. I wanted freinds and to be accepted,but I was only comfortable alone.
About 8th grade I discovered alcohol and drugs made it easier to feel accepted. That was only a mask though and eventually.....Fast forward 2 divorces and 15 yrs. later the inevitable melt down came. An outburst of Rageand Frustration. Busting furniture and punching walls and doors. When the sheriff and paramedics arrived I was slumped against the house bleeding and crying just wanting it all to end. I couldn't stop crying... years of pent up emotion. Thinking I was afreak because I couldn't be like everyone else.
At th ER a shrink came to talk to me and suggested I see a Psychiatrist... Yea right...Now you are confirming I'm crazy!!! Basically gave me the choice to go willingly or it would end up in the courts...... THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME..
I saw the Psych. She was very good at drawing me out and by the end of my sessions , had pin pointed the triggers of the anxiety that led to the depression. For years I was on the Meds. Paxil, Wellb utrin..Lexapro..Finally I told my regular Doc I was tired of them. I didn't feel normal and I would rather just deal with it.
Fastforward 10 yrs to today.... It's not easy..but knowing what triggers my anxiety and the signs of an onslaught have made my life much easier than the Meds. Knowing..there is no real cure....Understanding that those around you "CAN"T" truly understand. It can be a very lonely road, but the knowledge and understanding of what is happening to you can level out the ups and downs of that road.