I just went to the doctor today for depression. My mom started crying, got some xrays for my back. I left not feeling any better. Im just glad my doctor isn't pushing pills on me, that's what my mom wants I feel like no one wants to help me for me, its for them. Like it'll be relieving that they wont hear me complaining. I hope not. Because i can keep it to myself, but then again that's just as "bad". i hate anxiety. I can't control it. Calming down isn't an option. Im so sick of everyone saying calm down like its nothing. Like i can just throw the anxiety out the window and forget. Well that's wrong. I have it right now, worrying worrying worrying. Christmas music isn't even helping. I can't do this. The constant aches, and stress, fatigue. Its too much. All i want is to make everything perfect. I want others to be pleased with me but how can i please them when im so down. Its nice typing this, i don't care if anyone reads it. I need this, to vent securely. I actually have anxiety about it...weird. Haha. Im so fun loving, and getting out of the house..i crave it so much. My doctor shot out the idea of me possibly having fibro myalgia...i have no actual clue how to spell it. She told me to eat well, and my dad just shot it down. He'd rather have 50 dollars doing nothing in the bank then let me spend it on healthy food. He's so neurotic. I don't want to live here. They always give me cap about getting a job. Its Christmas. No one is hiring. Im a burden. A ******* burden.
justaroundthecorner justaroundthecorner
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 12, 2012

Awww sorry you're feeling this way, and i'm even sorrier you don't have a better support system in your family. Never mind trying to make things perfect, they never will be, just work on making them more manageable. It's good you want to work on yourself without meds...for now at least.