Dealing With Painful Feelings - January 7

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.

Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.

These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.

We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
zeeva70 zeeva70
41-45, F
4 Responses Jan 7, 2013

That is a very moving story. I can relate to the pain of bad memories. I'm not the type of person to go and try to get back at someone for something. Way to much trouble and they are not worth my time and effort. But some memories are so bad and cut so deep that no matter how much you talk about them they never go away, never heals. Your mind tries to protect you from them by locking them away. <br />
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My mind works like that. I explain it to people like this .... think of my brain like a computer. It takes the bad memories and puts it within a folder within a folder and so on and so on. It is hidden away .. out of site. But there is a bad side to that, when a bad situation arises and tears down your walls all that stuff that was hidden away is unhidden and set free. <br />
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I am the only person that I know of that's brain does this. I've had may people say they wished they could do it and I tell them No you really don't and they just look and laugh like I'm being silly. So many situations and memories that haunt me at random times. For me talking about them ease no pain, in most cases make me feel even worse then before which is great. Nothing like throwing gas on a blazing fire lol. But your story was great to read and I'm sure will help many how read it =)<br />
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Forgot to add I hate to burden people with my issues. No need inflicting unnecessary pain and getting pity for me. I have never been the type looking for pity and acting out just for attention. I hate being the center of attention lol. A lot of times I feel they are silly and the other I just can't get the words to describe how I really feel at any given moment. To bad I can't let people get a view of my thoughts be so much easier hehe

DeMenTedAngell, I understand where you're coming from. I've learned surpressed hurts have an impact on me or others surrounding me wheather I want them to or not. Personally I've gone through phases where I've over indulged in several vices in addition to being unloving to people in my circle.

I'm now learning to "feel" in the moment, if that makes sence and not to judge myself in the process... no feeling is "good" or "bad." It's almost like being an independant, objective observer of my feelings.

Careful about who I talk to and about what I share in the real world, I find myself using EP, journaling, poems, to capture my feelings.

I encourage you to share your issues. We're given an opporunity to heal through sharing our stuggles and it definately sounds like you have many stories to share.

Thanks this really helped needed to come across this.

Missfreak, I'm thankful it touched you as it did me.

Thank you for the positive story.

You're welcome.

... vulnerable enough to feel my feelings. It takes courage and wisdom. Seems you have both to post this! Blessings to you.

You're welcome and peace and blessings to you too.