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I Battle Depression and Anxiety

Dealing With Painful Feelings - January 7

By: zeeva70
Written on January 7th, 2013
By: zeeva70
Age: 41-45 , Female
212 people have read this story

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8 responses
  • DeMenTedAngell

    That is a very moving story. I can relate to the pain of bad memories. I'm not the type of person to go and try to get back at someone for something. Way to much trouble and they are not worth my time and effort. But some memories are so bad and cut so deep that no matter how much you talk about them they never go away, never heals. Your mind tries to protect you from them by locking them away.



    My mind works like that. I explain it to people like this .... think of my brain like a computer. It takes the bad memories and puts it within a folder within a folder and so on and so on. It is hidden away .. out of site. But there is a bad side to that, when a bad situation arises and tears down your walls all that stuff that was hidden away is unhidden and set free.



    I am the only person that I know of that's brain does this. I've had may people say they wished they could do it and I tell them No you really don't and they just look and laugh like I'm being silly. So many situations and memories that haunt me at random times. For me talking about them ease no pain, in most cases make me feel even worse then before which is great. Nothing like throwing gas on a blazing fire lol. But your story was great to read and I'm sure will help many how read it =)



    Forgot to add I hate to burden people with my issues. No need inflicting unnecessary pain and getting pity for me. I have never been the type looking for pity and acting out just for attention. I hate being the center of attention lol. A lot of times I feel they are silly and the other I just can't get the words to describe how I really feel at any given moment. To bad I can't let people get a view of my thoughts be so much easier hehe

    Jan 7
    1 like
    • zeeva70

      DeMenTedAngell, I understand where you're coming from. I've learned surpressed hurts have an impact on me or others surrounding me wheather I want them to or not. Personally I've gone through phases where I've over indulged in several vices in addition to being unloving to people in my circle.

      I'm now learning to "feel" in the moment, if that makes sence and not to judge myself in the process... no feeling is "good" or "bad." It's almost like being an independant, objective observer of my feelings.

      Careful about who I talk to and about what I share in the real world, I find myself using EP, journaling, poems, to capture my feelings.

      I encourage you to share your issues. We're given an opporunity to heal through sharing our stuggles and it definately sounds like you have many stories to share.

      Jan 8
      1 like
  • missfreak

    Thanks this really helped needed to come across this.

    Jan 7
    1 like
    • zeeva70

      Missfreak, I'm thankful it touched you as it did me.

      Jan 8
      1 like
  • keeva

    Thank you for the positive story.

    Jan 7
    1 like
    • zeeva70

      You're welcome.

      Jan 8
      1 like
  • MorningBreeze

    ... vulnerable enough to feel my feelings. It takes courage and wisdom. Seems you have both to post this! Blessings to you.

    Jan 7
    1 like
    • zeeva70

      You're welcome and peace and blessings to you too.

      Jan 8
      1 like