Swallowing My Pride

I am 26, however since I was about 12, I've had major anxiety and depression. I tried to commit suicide at 12 years old. I rode my bike out in front of a pick up truck. All I got out of that was a really bad broken leg, some back problems, and about four years in a wheel chair.

I was convinced at 12, I wanted to be dead. My mom had her piece of **** boy friend living with us. He would hit my mom, my sister, and I. He acted like he was my father. He even once time convinced my mom I stole money from her, when it was him. While being with him all my mom cared about was her booze, cigs, and him. Don't get me wrong I love my mom to death but it took me giving her an ultimatum when I was almost out of high school for her to leave him and slow down the drinking. I think what hurt me the most was when I made my suicide attempt her and her boy friend didn't show up until four hours later, because they were too busy with their booze.

At 13, I became a cutter. My freshman year of high school wasn't going so hot. I had no friends because I ultimately feared people. I was happy conflicting self injury, well as happy as one could be. I finally started to talk to my Civics teacher a little. I think he knew more than he let on.

At 15, I made another suicide attempt this time I side swiped a van while on my bike, all it did was mess up my elbow. I tried to commit suicide because all the stress at home and the fact I was sexually abused by my brother and no one wanted to hear it. My brother passed away when he was 26, but after he stole my virginity, I could never forgive him.

My father just made matters worse. He'd yell and throw things constantly. I was alone in the world I knew it.

It wasn't until a month and a half ago when I finally swallowed my pride and started getting help. Things are finally coming into place.

enigmaninja7 enigmaninja7
26-30, F
Jan 8, 2013