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Standing Up For Ourselves - January 15

We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices.
—Beyond Codependency

It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.

"You have rights," we tell them. "And those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt."

Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why can't we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?

There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselves - when walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.

Some days, the lesson we're to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson we're learning is that of fighting for our own rights and ourselves.

Sometimes, the lesson won't stop until we do.

Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.



From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

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Helping other people can be like dealing with your problems at a distance, like in a movie.
That way you don't have to take the real consequences.

I hear the message in your story. My problem is however I know when I'm being manipulated or victimized, and I allow it to happen just because I can't handle the retribution of standing up for myself. I don't like making waves when I can keep the sea calm.
I know this is not the best thought process for one to have. I love your story and I wish I could be like that. I know that it's not cold hearted to stand up for yourself and there's probably a lot of strength in standing up for yourself.
Thank your again for another positive message. I for me I will be pondering it for a while and see how I can make changes and apply it to my life

Good evening Keeva. So many times I'm aware of the same injustices against myself. I watched my mother mirror being a victim in many situtations so even when I want to stand-up, I feel I lack sufficent social skills to address it and achieve resolution... I dumb myself down. I feel this is particiularly in intimate relationships. It's like my emotional development with men stopped at 15.

Other times, when I do speak up, I feel like a hammer in a box of feathers. Yet, I encourage others to be assertive. I'm grateful for today's passage because it says I don't always have to follow a loving path; I can be loving to myself by setting boundaries.