A Difficult Battle

I have been battling depression and anxiety for about 7 months clinically.  In the summer of 08 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, and in the fall it progressed into major depressive disorder with anxiety.  My fiancee and I started dating before he got deployed, and then when he came back, I was suddenly battling all this crap just to enjoy spending time with him.  I guess I don't really know how it got started, and that really bothers me.  I took medication for a while but recently quit cold turkey when it started interfering with my relationship with my future husband again.  Now I feel like that was the wrong thing to do and I'm back to the drawing board.  I'm on a very low dosage of medication now compared to what I was on before, and it's just hard to do even anything.  I wish someone would just tell me what I needed to do to get better, but I'm starting to think that I really have just exhausted any resources to feel better.  I keep trying and I hope that things will get better.  I'm currently examining how my perfectionistic standards are preventing me from feeling better about myself and I'm in therapy to work on that.  It's hard but really I would recommend that anyone who's really hurting get as much help and support as they need.  I'm a very very independent person and I hate to be helped or to think that anything is wrong with me but I don't know what I'd do without the support of my fiancee and family and friends.

mysticsymphony mysticsymphony
2 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Thanks very much. Actually, my meds were recently changed and it's weird, but somehow my perspective got strangely better just by that simple move. My therapist does actually make me feel worse, and at first I thought that was good, that I was addressing issues, but at the end of sessions I feel raw and guilty, and I don't think that's how I should be feeling. I am considering either switching therapists or perhaps finding other ways, like a support group, to sort the rest of the mess out in my head. <br />
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I feel like I, like you perhaps, had unhealthy thought processes that started well before this all erupted and it just took that one last straw to break the proverbial balloon, but every day finally gets better and it's nice to see the sunlight for the first time in a year and smile at it.

I think you are very brave to not want to be helped but still go to therapy. Do you think the therapy is helping you feel better about yourself? When I finish with a meeting I usually feel a little worse. I don't know if it is me or if I am just talking to the wrong person. <br />
Well, I wish you luck in your search for what started these feelings your having. Keep in mind that it might not be a big event like a death or a move that started it. To others my event might not seem like a big deal but it just started an unhealthy thought process that I have not been able to get rid of since. So try and look back to when your new feelings started and try to figure out why you felt like that. I hope this helped you.