I am having such a hard time dealing with my depression right now. Anxiety is my main problem but I just feel like I can't find my way out. I've lost my job 3 times in 5 years. I have a master's degree in library, but so many libraries are cutting back due to budgets. Yesterday, I was in the children's department of a bookstore and the books that usually give me joy gave me so much pain--all I could think of was the kids I used to work with and how it felt to help them read. It was like looking at pictures of dead relatives you are never going to see again. I am trying to see if I can get into being a nanny because that is a growing industry where I could work with kids. I'm working for just above minimum wage (thank heaven for small things) at a local tourist site. I have a wonderful husband with a good job, a good family, great pets, and a nice-but-small apartment and I'm trying really hard to be thankful for all the good things in my life, but I just feel like my career is so stuck and I have a lot of regrets, like last year I took a job that I knew was going to suck but no one else was hiring, and I ended up getting fired anyway. I'm so tired of the way my life is going. I want to be happy when I go to work or at least not hate/dread my job. I want to have the money and time to start a family with my husband. I want to feel like I'm worth something because I feel worthless because I can't stay employed. Every time I've been fired, though, the business was in a ****** situation with ****** leadership. Why do I internalize that I am the worthless one? And why do I always end up hurt?
greensapphire greensapphire
36-40, F
Aug 18, 2014