When you are letting yourself feel trapped by your current situations, you really are putting your self at risk to an even more dangerous predictement.

Your never trapped, that is merely just an illusion in your mind.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn myself.

I was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for over 3 years, and when that came to a halt, I felt like my whole world crumbled beneath my feet. I built my life with and around him, so when you permanently take out a monumental piece to the structure, it all comes tumbling down.

I ended up moving back to my hometown, in need of just feeling loved. I moved out of my house when I was 16 and my parents do not understand me being gay, think it's a choice, and have frankly never bothered to understand me. So basically by moving back home expecting them to just love me for being me and be one great happy family, I was just setting my self up for major disappointment.

Needless to say, being at home didn't work out and after two months I was out on my own again. Now this is a fairly tiny town, and it's in an area where is little employment, so when I found a job right away, instead of realizing how employable I really am, I considered my self lucky and clung onto it for dear life.

The job in itself was fine, my manager who had a military background and was very German, was not. He was also gay, and looking back now I know that he could sense I was in a vulnerable situation and an easy prey to take advantage of.

He was always very touchy feely, brushing wayy too close up against me while in passing, would button down my shirt and comment on my underwear choice for that day. Very awkward but, i needed the job and justified things in my head, and I just brushed it off.

Then one day he decided to sexually assault me while grabbing supplies in the basement. I pushed my way through him and bolted upstairs before it could become to extreme, and had quickly found a task to keep myself busy and preoccupy my mind.

Now this is where I'm getting at with feeling like your trapped. I felt so alone and unloved, when I date, I date for the long haul wanting the relationship to last a lifetime, and so I always put my all into it. And with feeling more unloved by not being able to get along with my parents, I just made myself feel very alone.

So with my current situation and lil to no jobs, I felt like I was trapped there and needed the job until I found a better outting for myself. I regret it and really wish I had quit right then and there when the first assault took place.

I ended up getting myself into school, and telling the manager that I no longer could work full time but could still take on part time shifts. He had behaved his last few months since the first assault happened as I told a supervisor and he was forced to apologize.

My last shift though was at night and just with him, and he took full advantage of the situation. Getting extremely physical and forceful, aggressive and nasty with me.

I ended up going to the police and charged him. Only reason is that, I would hate myself if he took advantage of anyone else and they were treated even worse, and by not doing anything is saying that his actions were acceptable when they absolutely were not.

I think that I learned to never allow myself to feel trapped, that I should have let go of my pride and got on government assistance for the month or two until I figured things out rather than put myself into harmful situations, both physically and mentally.

He of course has pleaded not guilty, which I just found out only yesturday, and now have quite a long trial process ahead of me. Wish I spoke up and had made people more aware of the situation but, it is what it is and I can either drop charges and move on or, take the plunge and hope that the truth of the circumstances are shown in the end.
justkeepswimming89 justkeepswimming89
26-30, M
Aug 23, 2014