An Open Letter To All Who Suffer


An Open Letter to All Who Suffer


I know…  I have suffered from depression and despair since I was seven years old and my mother tried to kill herself the first time.  I know how deep a person can sink when they believe the whole world is piled up on them like a huge pile of sh*t with no way to dig out and no way to breathe.  I know what it is like to just give up because there is no way to manage the despair and pain in my life.  I have taken drugs to combat it, I have been told to just “get over it,” and I have been told that it was just all in my head.  I have been down that road for almost 50 years now.  Fifty years of hell and afraid to tell anyone about it for fear that they will lock me away.  Well, I got locked away when I was 18 years old and they told me I was just immature and needed to grow up.  A great amount of good that did.


But things got even worse than I ever thought possible about a year ago, when I decided that I had to close my business of about 5 years because of the economy.  I basically lost all of my business by September 2008, started looking for a job and had several interviews, but no job offers, and closed my office in January 2009 when I could no longer afford the rent and utilities.  In January 2009, I was at the bottom, feeling totally worthless, although none of what happened was my fault.  But all of the old fears and inadequacies came back to haunt me, except this time, I had way too much free time on my hands so the fears, the inadequacies, and the pain ran rampant through me.  I was at the bottom.  So what would it be? Pills? A bullet? A car wreck?  A long walk on the freeway?  What would it be?  It couldn’t continue like this…


I knew it couldn’t go on like this, and in January of last year, I broke.  I was on the verge of doing myself in when my wife kept asking me what was wrong, so I broke down and told her that I had hit that point in my life where I was so lost in my own depression and despair that I needed help.  That I couldn’t do this by myself anymore.  And she took me to her church and said just listen to what the Pastor says.


I really don’t remember what exactly the Pastor taught on that day, but I knew that he was talking directly to me.  I knew that what he said was true because the words began to fill that huge void in the center of me that had never been filled before.  I knew that the only way I was coming out of this alive was to accept what he was saying and to accept Jesus as my personal savior.  And to turn my life over to Him to do what He wanted to do with it.  So I did just that, that day, not another minute later.  I was saved that day.  Jesus did what He said He would do, He washed away my past sins, He released me from the pain and despair that I was suffering, and He gave me hope.  Hope, something I had not had for a long time.


It’s now a year later, and yes, the bouts of depression still come around at times, but my best defense is to stop, take a minute to talk to God and tell Him that I don’t want to feel this way and to take my hand and lead me down the path He wants me to take.  The feelings of depression and despair go away almost immediately.  When I have prayed for a job, work shows up.  When I pray for the health of my family and friends, illnesses go away.  When I pray to be strong so that I may follow His path without wavering, an angel appears behind me to help push me down the right path.  I have been truly blessed by what has happened over the last year.


Just think about this – Miracles happen every day.  God wants you to come to Him so He can give you peace and grace.  All you have to do is ask Jesus for it.  And you have to learn, like I have, that walking with Him has its rewards, greater rewards than we can imagine.  But it is all about gaining and maintaining your faith in Jesus and God and realizing that you too can have a daily personal relationship with Him that will help you through the trials and tribulations of life. 

LonghornFan LonghornFan
56-60, M
20 Responses Jan 5, 2010

You've had a "born again" experience. I had one myself when I was about 40. It seems to occur when you're down and out and all of your self confidence disappears and you realize you can't do it alone.
My brother-inlaw and sister prayed with me one day for my salvation. Well, the skys didn't open up and lightening and thunder didn't appear:) but shortly thereafter, I started getting interested in the Gospel accounts. I read , in order, Mathew, Mark and Luke and John and I was overwhelmed. I couldn't explain my feelings. I was completely confused. I suddenly had faith that I never had before in my life. The experience was profound. It completely changed my life. It gave meaning and purpose to my life. I'm very glad you had this experience:)

This is a great story and so glad you found your savior, Jesus. I find it interesting the way you describe what happened as you had a huge void inside that Jesus filled up and released you from depression!

I guess everyone with depression feels a void inside and needs to somehow fill it to get better then? I guess learning how to love yourself is the big factor in filling the void and not filling it.. So maybe their are other strategies out there for atheists to help them love themselves.

I know this is an assumption but it makes sense to me,
I would love to know what others think


I have gone to therapy and have had anxiety attacks while sitting in the chair with the doctor. Nothing works. My depression and anxiety is due to income loss. If I knew I was getting $1200 a month as an annuity till retirement. I'd be the happiest man alive. I could concentrate on my volunteer work

My heart goes out to you. I've had that feeling lately and the Dr. put me on an antidepressant (Lexapro). It didn't solve my financial difficulties but it took the edge off my anxiety and depression so I could handle my life better.

I feel like I can't anymore and I only had anxiety for 5 months I been to the er a lot times thinking I had heart disease ,brian tumor,chest pains heart attacke etc and they tell everthing is fine with me I am only 15 I can't stay in school for long I can't be in car I can't be in the shower for to long thinking I can't breath I can't do a sport without panicking any advice or what might have

I suggest the book The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. 5-HTP and high-dose fish oil would probably help. And I urge you to turn to Jesus Christ who said "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you.". I will say a prayer for you.

This sounds a lot like anxiety, which is very common and makes you feel like you just can't be around people or answer the phone or do anything. First, I recommend you see a doctor and ask them about anxiety medication and second, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND getting into a church youth group, learning about the bible and realizing that you can depend upon Him to help you through all your ups and downs. I second what conceptual clarity says, I have accepted the peace given to me. friend me if you want to talk more about this. I'll help all I can.

Classic Social anxiety. You must have had some bad experience about 5 months ago that knocked you out of the box. Only you can know what that was . A counsellor will help you, if you can't talk to anyone else. Anxiety attacks don't come from no where. They have a source. I've gone through those type of experiences, myself. Your feeling need to be resolved and understood. Best of luck:)

Read my blog above and get Counseling. Best of luck.

1 More Response

I've suffered from depression and anxiety for about 40 years. I'm glad that religion works to help you but it is not the answer in my case. My bouts with depression seem to come in waves. Right now, things are bad. I think about hurting myself every day but I hold on because I have kids and would never desert them. I know if I take my meds every day and go to my therapist, things will get better. It just will never go away. It's so hard for others to understand because looking from the outside I have a good life - a husband and 3 amazing kids and a good job. I just feel so worthless and trapped. I hold it in and just try to put on a happy face for the rest of the world because I'm ashamed. I hate myself for being weak.

Look into 5-HTP and high dose pharmaceutical grade fish oil (books by Dr. Barry Sears).

I am where you are. Religion/spirituality is not for me. My anxiety is from job loss. I feel so ashamed. I lost my business to economic times. I was doing great and actually saved a couple of my friends and son by giving them jobs. Now, we are all out of work. I have failed and don't deserve to live. Accepting Welfare or any assistance is out of the question. As stupid as it sounds, I was disappointed that the world didn't end on 12-21-12

Accept Welfare! Your taxes paid for it and you need it. Just be thankful that it's available as much as you dislike it. Everybody fails at some time in their lives and you're no different. So, stand up straight, take a deep breath and do whatever you have to do to pull yourself up. Best of luck to you:)

What faith can and cannot do. It can't resolve all of your feelings. But it can help you see the bigger picture in your relationship with GOD.
You're not weak! Your under stress that others are not. Also, your self criticism is part of the problem. I can remember feeling like you and I know some people are not sympathetic. They say "Get over it". " You have to be strong". "I guess your too weak to deal with it." Makes me want to throw up! Such shallow thinking. But over time I've resolved many of my issues and it's also helped me to feel compassion towards others. It's really been an asset in my life, even if I went through Hell for so long. I hope and pray that you resolve your issues also.

1 More Response

Today I realize I need help to cope with my mother in law living with my husband and I. We are interracially married and my husbands mom with ms has come from <br />
Minnesota to stay with us she does not like black people very much and<br />
I am partly her caregiver. This has been a real nightmare for me because<br />
It seems that she thinks I am her slave I help take care of her out the<br />
Kindness of my heart and the love for my husband. Lately it has really<br />
Started to bother me I have talked to my husband about her and he<br />
Has talked to her about it. She does just about anything to get<br />
Attention and she is totally playing my husband I don't know what <br />
To do I just want this woman out of my house and life.

I've had the same problem with my sister-inlaw who lived with us for about a year. It's a good bet she was even worse than your Mother inlaw. It's a very difficult situation to handle. But handle it , you must. You and your husband have got to take matters in hand and let her know where to get off. I know it's difficult but it has to be done, otherwise she's going to continually going to make your lives miserable. Best of luck.

I'm depressed, but I'm an athiest. I don't have anything against people having faith (if it works, then great!), but I don't personally find faith workable.

or reasonable

or reasonable -- from the skeptical athiest viewpoint, yes I would agree. However it seems to be working. Look how far he has come. It started with a visit to the pastor, that for me would be complete torture, but in his case it started him on a path that works. I'm really happy for such a positive outcome! The truth (no God), on the other hand, *is* a tad depressing.

Thanks for sharing your experience and I am happy for you. I too suffer from depression but I am not a Christian. Your story was so rich and real to me until you mentioned turning to Jesus Christ. I can't possibly imagine that the only way to overcome depression is to turn to a faith that is not my own.

I have tried drugs, I have tried therapy, but this is what worked and continues to work. When you hit the bottom and you know that you need help, you do what you can do to get rid of the feelings. This worked for me. This is not the only way, it is the way that worked for me. I hope you find something that works for you.

I'm really happy for you.

Wow. I admire your faith.

I am truly happy for you that your commitment to God has helped you in your battle with depression and despair. My eldest son suffers from clinical depression. He also has a faith in God that is deep and strong. But that does not diminish his depression. He accepts it as his cross and his faith stops him from comitting suicide at the worst times. But I just wanted to point out that severe depression is an illness, not a spiritual weakness.

Whatever works for you works. If faith does it for you I am pleased for you. Your comments are so right that it is not in anyway a faith based issue. In all too many cases, my own in particular the real issues are never addressed and so it carries on like a wave getting stronger everyday until you reach a point at which you can no longer carry on. I have arrived there recently after close on Forty Years and during that time I have to say that nothing has helped, and in my case religion has a large part to play in the cause of my anxiousness and depression.

Has he ever tried 5-HTP? I strongly recommend to you the book The Mood Cure by Julia Ross.

Thanks for the comment.

Thanks for sharing your experience > Hugs

More than willing to share that with you conceptualclarity.

Great testimony. Thanks for sharing it.

Thanks Jabba. I also believe this is exactly what we need. And handing our problems over to Him to resolve is very hard, the hardest part is having the faith that He will resolve them for us.

Thanks Explodieren! I guess it's never too late.

Bajjer, you now have the power of prayer to help you battle the depression, your prayers and those of the other Christians you congregate with. Ask them to pray with you for relief from the depression and despair you feel. Do it often, and remember that God doesn't want you to feel this way, so ask for His help and thank Him when you feel better.

Give your wife a hug from me:) the only way for me, personally, to ease the despair is to talk to God. I've been christian all my life. And am glad you took it on. :)

I turned to Jesus and fell back into my depression. Perhaps there is a battle I've been shoving off this whole time, I don't know. I thought I was finally at that point of no return and now I'm back what I thought was gone.<br />
<br />
Not in offense, just a lost soul.