Wish It Would End...

... ok so many people say that Depression is not something that will just go away... it will not disappear like magic and you will become this bubbly and happy person for the rest of your life... and if they do say that then they have some issues to deal with! 

Depression is something you have to constantly "deal" with... perhaps after a while of being positive etc it will no longer be a struggle to deal with it and therefore will keep you on track.

Right now... I feel... inconsolable...

I've hit rock bottom before... and i feel as though im slowly falling back down there again. 

I am absolutely lost. I am unemployed. I am looking for work but have not found anything. My anxiety is hitting the roof with the stress of my mum and the need for money.

I am confused with my relationship... I feel as if sometimes i am not getting my needs met but then also i feel that maybe im expecting too much. I dont know. but im starting to think that maybe I should end this relationship because im not sure that i love him enough. Im not sure that we are at the same paths in life... there is a 17 year age difference between me and my boyfriend. he has already been through a divorce as well.... so i think he still has some soul searching to do as well...

I care for him deeply... and dont want to say goodbye... and i know i dont have to and we could always be friends but... if we did break up... i just couldnt see him for a while... i would need time to recover and regain my strength again.

For the past week or so i've been a complete emotional wreck! crying uncontrollably... even in public and my mood swings have been going through the roof! which leads me to thinking im bi polar even more.

I feel like there is something in me.... something im meant to do... or find... 

but searching for it is like a bottomless pit...I look and look... but all i see is darkness because i do not have the light within me to guide the way... this light i think is faith... courage... motivation... belief in myself. 

At the moment im not taking medication, Im seeing a psychologist and i am also attending a depression support group (however i have not attended the last 3 meetings) 

I think constantly... and im tired of thinking... i feel like i have thought everything there is to think thousands of times over... and yet i still dont know what to do...

 

Help me. Please.

 

-LonelyTrail-

LonelyTrail LonelyTrail
18-21, F
14 Responses Feb 11, 2010

Like most of us here, I also have been battling depression. Oftentimes we suffer from this illness without evening knowing that we do; that just makes a bad situation infinitely worse, but I know I don't have to tell any of you here that.<br />
<br />
While I would like to leave this little bit of inspiration (at least I hope it is) for the two most recent posters on LonelyTrails' story (looking4journey & AdvocatusDiaboli), I hope it also somehow finds its way to others who might need a little lift and another reason to hope.<br />
<br />
As a preface, I just want to say that, while I know that words alone cannot unbreak what may already feel completely broken in us, it can be a way of helping us to remember that, for those of us who suffer with depression (and a whole range of other afflictions), we are each so much more than just our illness, and that we CAN be the masters of our own destiny. <br />
<br />
Like anything worthwhile in life, it is not an easy journey, and we WILL feel defeated sometimes & we WILL have our bad days & our good days (that's just part of being human, I suppose), but with steadfast determination & the right kind of support, we can come to see &--more importantly, TRULY BELIEVE--how amazingly powerful we can be. <br />
<br />
This quote is from American poet, Audre Lorde, and I hope it blesses any who read it as it has blessed me:<br />
<br />
"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."

I have been fighting this ,this "sadistic monster" for 8 years,and after experiences like "learning" how to best cut myself without infection or using some "quick fixes" ,I'm still in this survival-horror game...but whats keeping me alive is HOPE that one day , after everything I have been through ,I will be HAPPY like nobody on the Earth....<br />
Be strong....and....<br />
Big Kiss :)

wow, i feel exactly what you are feeling right now. I am 22 and I know i have so much potencial, i should be graduating now in June but i messed things up for myself to a point where i might not even be allowed to write exams because i have missed so many tuts, and assignments i was supposed to do during term. I am trying to fix things now last minute but I am battling with this voice that just keeps saying to me you will never make it just give up. The thing is I am intelligent enough to know what i need to do but when it comes to doing what i am supposed to do i just don't do it. <br />
<br />
Maybe i have a low view of myself, as far as i can re-call I have always had sel esteem issues and now with the sleepless nights, feeling guilty, hating myself for not being the person i know i can be and settling for less in my relationships just makes me so angry. I wish this anger could help me make the change I need to make to better my life, but instead i just get angry and then i feel defeated. Maybe fear is what is behind all of this.<br />
<br />
I just want to live my life, I am tired of feeling sorry for myself but yet it just seems like i can't stop myself.

I am not sure about what your situation is or what kind of mental illness you actually have. I know i have Depression and i think I may also be Bi Polar. Its hard when you dont think of yourself as "normal" and its hard when being "normal" is different for everyone. I know what its like to not have that much support from loved ones... my boyfriend pretty much doesnt want to know me when im down which makes me feel like he doesnt care. <br />
<br />
Im going to give you alittle reading from my GROW handbook (from my Depression Support group)<br />
<br />
"If there is hope for me, There is hope for anyone.<br />
If there is hope for anyone, there is hope for me"<br />
<br />
Perhaps use this as a mantra to get you through<br />
<br />
I also use these ones...<br />
<br />
"I can compel my muscles and limbs to move rightly despite my feelings"<br />
<br />
" The lowest Ebb is the turn of the tide"<br />
<br />
"if you dont live the way you think is right. you'll end up thinking the way your living is right."<br />
<br />
"I am more durable than vulnerable"<br />
<br />
"confidence is not a feeling, but an attitude of mind"<br />
<br />
These little sayings i think about or say to myself when the going gets tough.. perhaps try them out?<br />
<br />
keep growing. and remember Depression does not mean you are "weak willed" its an illness but an illness can be dealt with! we all just need abit of instruction some times.

Hey kbergsing,<br />
<br />
Maybe its your body telling your its in overload and this is the best way that it can cope right now. EP is good for this... but i was just thinking that maybe you should do some journaling and just get every single thought out of your head. try and do things that you like to do... or used to like to do. try to do one thing atleast once a week. or even better once a day if you can!<br />
<br />
It helps me to be outside with nature.. i find it very cleansing... and also a simple shower does miracles... im not too sure what im saying lol but i want to help you either by just listening or just being a friend : ) I know it happened to me when i was at my lowest... and i was holding so much hurt and crying uncontrollably... actually this happened 2 times... and all of a sudden i just didnt feel anything! not one single emotion.. it was as if my body shut down and said enough i cant take anymore... it kinda faded away after a while but it was extremely weird.. if you cant open up to your therapist. open up in a journal or even on here! <br />
<br />
At the moment what im trying to do... is think about what kind of person I would like to be and what I find is "good" in people and im trying to do that.. not because i have to. but because it is a good thing to do, and deep down i want to. maybe try something like that? take your mind of things..<br />
<br />
keep growing!

Hello kbergsing, <br />
I wish i felt anger more often... when i get angry i tend to get more motivated and go "i'll show them" but even when i do get angry it doesnt last very long and i try to punch the pillow but in the end I just end up crying... i think its because im not really angry at anyone except myself... im disappointed in myself.<br />
<br />
I definately understand what you said about being afraid to get better... I've never been anyone except how I am now really.. and it feels as if you will lose yourself... and yeah you may become a better person and be more confident etc but then you wont know how to behave and act and dress even... its completely new territory... and while it may seem silly.... in a way even though its hurting you to be as you are.. your comfortable.. and afraid to lose it. I cant give any advice when it comes to the hospital.. i've never been. sometimes i wish i could just go and hide there...but then i would probably never face my issues and push through them. <br />
<br />
But for you it could be different. it could help. from what i've heard from other people who have been to hospitals all they do is pump you with drugs that make you completely emotionless and numb and watch you. they dont really help you deal with the real issues and help you learn how to deal with depression, because it wont go away because of medication! it may help some. but it wont make it disappear! CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) I think is a great thing to do. it teaches you ways to deal with depression. im doing this with my psychologist and I am also going to a depression support group which helps immensely! and you dont even realize it working! I recommend trying these.<br />
<br />
hope this helps somehow... <br />
keep growing.

Thanks for that : ) listening to the song now.

I know that people like us have trouble believing we are of value, and that we deserve to be happy. Our lives' circumstances are such that we don't get a chance to cultivate a real self-respect. If all we hear from the world around us is how different we are or how "strange" we are or how ugly we are, we begin to believe those things about ourselves, even if they're big, fat lies.<br />
<br />
I know that you are much younger that I, and--at 47 years of age--I am only now coming to understand that is it not the world that determines my value, it is me. Knowing (and, more importantly, BELIEVING) that fact hasn't solved all my problems, to be sure, but it has helped me understand that I have more control over my own life & my own fate than I ever thought.<br />
<br />
As long as we live as victims, and as long as we allow others to define who & what we are, we will never be truly free, and we will never be able to live up to the potential that is inside us all. I gave so much of my own life away to people who never even knew me. I allowed people who claim to speak for God to make me feel worthless & unlovable. I let them cut me with their words & bash me with their Religion. All the time, I was thinking, "Poor me. I wish I had the ability to fight back, but a thing like me could never defeat these people of God." It was a lie, but I believed it and, by doing so, I allowed so much pain & self-pity & self-hatred into my so-called life. It damaged my heart, my mind & my spirit, and I am still trying to overcome all that. <br />
<br />
I don't want you to live your life filled with ugly lies cleverly disguised as truth. You need to know that all those out there in the world who see you as less and who appear to live to break your heart only have power over you IF YOU GIVE IT TO THEM. I'm not saying it's easy to stop believing the vile lies after a lifetime of hearing (and coming to believe) them, it isn't easy. It's very difficult to be yourself in a world that very rarely welcomes individuality. The only thing harder is trying to be someone and something you're not. Take it from me, I know those words by (my broken) heart!<br />
<br />
I don't know you beyond what we have written here, and--of course, I am as gay as gay can be ;-), but in your words, I see the heart of a beautiful, if battered, soul, and I see a woman who has yet to learn her own potential, and who can do great things, once she believes--deep in her hurting heart--that the only thing that can really stop her is HER.<br />
<br />
No matter what happens to you; no matter what people say to or about you; no matter if you are ever "popular", I hope you know that your true value lies in the fact that you are a living, breathing child of God, like everybody else on this planet. <br />
<br />
You and I may never win popularity contests, and we may never be Miss Universe, but we have the power to change the world, if we only believe we can.<br />
<br />
I want to leave you with a song I heard once from the Broadway musical, "The Wiz", which is basically an African-American version of the Wizard of Oz.<br />
<br />
The great Lena Horne played Glynda, the Good Witch of the North, and she sang this song that still moves me to this day, and which never fails to inspire me. I hope it inspires you, too, dear friend!<br />
<br />
If you have the chance to look it up on YouTube, it's amazing hearing Lena sing the words I want you to always remember...<br />
<br />
If you believe<br />
Within your heart you'll know<br />
That no one can change<br />
The path that you must go<br />
<br />
Believe what you feel<br />
And know you're right, because<br />
The time will come around<br />
When you say it's yours<br />
<br />
Believe there's a reason to be<br />
Believe you can make time stand still<br />
You know from the moment you try<br />
If you believe<br />
I know you will<br />
<br />
Believe in yourself, right from the start<br />
You'll have brains<br />
You'll have a heart<br />
You'll have courage<br />
To last your whole life through<br />
<br />
If you believe in yourself<br />
If you believe in yourself<br />
If you believe in yourself<br />
As I believe in you

Thankyou again for the comment Mr.C,<br />
<br />
I definately have issues with forgiving myself and loving myself... I too hold alot of self hatred which i believe is there from my looks and feeling as if i am "weak willed" because i have depression... i think i am still yet to believe that it is an illness.<br />
<br />
I have alot of past hurt that i need to finally let go off... but it is hard... and im not entirely sure how to do it. It seems like throughout my life all i can remember are the worst parts.... even if they are the smallest insignificant little thing that was done or said... its not insignificant to me and i remember it word for word. <br />
<br />
Im not sure if this is "normal"<br />
<br />
when i say "normal" i cant help but feel like this is the "normal" that i see around me and think i need to be. its something i dont feel like i can let go of because I cant help but think something is wrong with me... there is a reason why i dont like going to a "normal" job everyday and then coming home and starting the day again tomorrow... I dont know if its because I need to do something creative with my life... or life is telling me that im not meant to do this... or if im just lazy... I can work 9 to 5 but i get down and depressed and bored.<br />
<br />
hmmmm.... I dont know.<br />
<br />
I guess because, in my life up till now... i have never really finished a few things that i started... which is another reason why i guess i feel weak willed. and so even though i am on the road to recovery... I dont really think i will ever reach the finishing line... because i think to myself... i never finish anything. <br />
<br />
I know there really is no finishing line... but im just saying whats in my head.

Thank you, LonelyTrail (I'll refer to you as LT in this post, if you don't mind...it's quicker to write! ;-) for putting up with my rambling! It's so funny...there are only a few things in the world I really do ramble about...one of them, of course, being my relatively-recent diagnosis of depression & anxiety.<br />
<br />
I know that we don't know each other well at all, and there is no way I can know all the circumstances in your life, but I want to start by saying what I hope others have told you before: THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN BE SO WRONG OR SO BROKEN IN YOUR LIFE THAT IT CAN BE FIXED OR UNDONE BY TAKING YOUR OWN LIFE! I believe those words--again, not because I know your life, but because I have endured Hell On Earth for most of my life--with all my heart. <br />
<br />
I hope this doesn't offend you in any way, but I posted on another website called "I'm From Driftwood: True Stories By Gay People From All Over" about some of what I endured earlier in my life. This website is not anything sexual or "adult". The man who created & runs it explains that he wants stories from gay people that have to do with our everyday lives, to help show the world that gay people are just like everyone else. If you care to read it, the link to my story is here: http://www.imfromdriftwood.com/2009/04/29/im-from-altamonte-springs-fl/ (it's the only story--so far--from "Clarence C" in Altamonte Springs, FL (right outside Orlando).<br />
<br />
People like you and me (those who are battling depression) are often very intelligent people with great potential, but we just don't know it while we're in the midst of the war going on inside us. I can only speak for myself, but I know that at least a portion of the problems I've experienced in my life have been due to my own self-hatred & shame. I used to think the world was holding me down & holding me back--and, in a way, they were...being gay in a hetero world is never easy--but, it was ME who allowed THEM to convince me that I was not acceptable, and that I there was something wrong with me for not being like everyone else. <br />
<br />
In order to heal all the wounds I've collected all my life, I've had to remove myself from the "victim mode", take responsibility for the part I played in my own downfall, forgive those who hurt me (if you read my story in the link I provided above, you'll see that--for me--forgiving doesn't necessarily mean EXCUSING, it means letting go of the old stuff that you can't change anyway, so you can find your way forward in life), and then FORGIVE MYSELF. My psychologist told me that I am always so ready to forgive others, but that I couldn't seem to offer forgiveness to myself. I never realized that until she told me, and I see now that she's right. In my own defense, though, it's not easy for someone who has a deeply-hidden self-hatred to believe that he/she deserves forgiveness. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it true. I'm still working on the self-forgiveness & shedding the self-hate, but at least I know it's there, and I know at least all the basics as far as what I need to do to make something of the time I have left on this planet. Like you, I feel like I am meant to do & be more than I am right now. I still don't know what it is, but as I learn to fight the depression & anxiety, I am also learning so much about myself, and I am beginning to see that there is more to me than a collection of cuts & bruises & ugly scars that I have collected on my life's path. Just like me, LT, you can become a stronger, more confident person, once you come to truly understand that you are a much more capable, much more beautiful person than all the things you think make you irretrievably broken. I usually hate using such an old, worn-out phrase, but I think it's been around so long because it holds a very accurate, basic, time-tested truth: WHAT DOES NOT KILL US MAKES US STRONGER. I know that--even in the midst of my current circumstances--I am a stronger person now than I was even a few months ago, and it 's because I've come to understand that my depression and anxiety are not personal defects, and it's not that I am weak-willed; I have an illness that needs treating...just like someone with diabetes (which I also have) or someone with cancer (which--thank you, God--I do NOT have...as far as I know). We are not our disease, we are human beings who need a little help to get well again, and there is no shame or dishonor in knowing & admitting that. <br />
<br />
OUR LIVES CAN BE MORE THAN THEY ARE RIGHT NOW, BUT IT WILL TAKE WORK & DEDICATION! It will not be easy for us, and there will be bad days (boy, do I know that), but inside us--inside our hearts and our minds--lies the answer to all of it. We must not lose our motivation & we must remember that, ultimately, no one can make things better for us, but us. We'll need help, to be sure, but it's out there, and it helps to know (at least for me) that there are other people in this world who've gone through what we're going through and have made it to see a new day, and we can, too. I know this is going to sound silly, but I am reminded of an old song by Barry Manilow, called "I Made It Through The Rain":<br />
<br />
I made it through the rain,<br />
And found myself respected,<br />
By the others who<br />
Got rained on too,<br />
And made it through...<br />
<br />
What we need to do, though, isn't as easy as any song might imply. We didn't get to this point in our lives overnight, and our healing won't happen overnight either, but if we don't dedicate ourselves to it, it is for sure that no one else can do it for us, and no one can help us. We have to care about & love ourselves enough to know that we deserve to have a life with a little more sunshine in it and--to reference the song--a little less rain! :-)<br />
<br />
One more thing--for now--I have grown to be wary of the word, "normal". For so much of my life, I've had other people tell me (and other gay people like me) that we're NOT "normal", as if "normal" were an ob<x>jective term. "Normal" is different for everyone. I like to use a weather analogy to explain what I mean by that: people in Alaska see snow in winter as "normal", but people here in Florida would see snow here in winter as far from "normal". I only bring this up because, in reading your last response, you said you were hoping to be "normal" again. I just hope you use YOUR OWN metaphorical yardstick to measure normality for yourself. Don't let anyone else define that word for you. Just as I had written before about no one making us better but us, no one can live our lives or create our normalcy but us.<br />
<br />
The "world" may never approve of our version of normalcy or the way we lead our lives in general, but it's not the "world" we're trying to please, it's ourselves, and if we can allow depression to take so much of our joy away, we also have the ability somewhere deep inside to also reclaim that joy & reclaim our very lives.<br />
<br />
I happen to think that we are most certainly worth the try, don't you?<br />
<br />
Peace to you ALWAYS!<br />
<br />
Clarence (a.k.a. Mr. C)<br />
:-)

Thankyou for that comment MisterC.... I must say I really relate to your story... i remember I did actually have some trouble sleeping because of my racing mind... with all my thoughts. and i remember while they did do the trick I had severe hallucinations and sometimes I actually went out driving while i was on them... i became very strange... i very easily could have had a car crash. after all that i would finally fall asleep... but it was a nightmare to go through all of those... <br />
<br />
I really appreciate you opening up your story to me, and i dont mind if you ramble on. I get alot out of listening/reading to other peoples experiences and stories... especially when they are relating to what i am saying. <br />
<br />
I guess im still hoping for it to magically just go away and for me to be "normal" again.... not that i think i ever was... i think i used to be very good at hiding my depression... Im pretty sure i've been depressed my whole life... it was only when i couldnt hold it in any longer that i finally got diagnosed... but that didnt seem to make much of a difference... <br />
<br />
I hate it how this is ruining my relationships... and my life. hurting the people i care about the most... i think thats why most people become isolated because they dont want to drag anyone else down with them on this ****** spiral. <br />
<br />
I've tried to end my life once... I tried to overdose on medication... anything i could find. it didnt work obviously... I wrote a letter to say goodbye and i could have taken more pills but i got scared and thought that will be enough and went to sleep. i woke up in the morning feeling sick to my stomach... felt like vomiting sooo badly! I went to school. (this was my last year of highschool) (2007) I didnt tell anyone. and i hid my letter.<br />
<br />
It was at that point where i decided that i am better than this... and that i feel like i am here for a reason... to do something great... but i just dont know what that is! im searching.. but cant find it. so that was the point where i said this cant go on... I went to the doctor. told them what happened. they did a blood test and told me i was lucky to be alive because people who took 10 of whatever i took have died of liver failure... I took 15.<br />
<br />
It has been a few years since then now... I haven't tried again... but lately my thoughts have been going back there... but no actions or plans.<br />
<br />
But im afraid that i might go back there again.

I can relate with much of what you have written here.<br />
<br />
First of all, depression is a disease. I personally have been suffering with it for many years, probably at least a couple of decades (I'm 47 years old). It doesn't just "go away" by itself. If you suffer with it (and--I'm sure you know--"suffer" describes it well), you can spend a lifetime trying to ignore it, but--left untreated--the illness will always win. Even with counseling and/or medication, any "cure" we find for ourselves can be undone so quickly; if we are not vigilant, and if we don't actively work at keeping ourselves (mentally) healthy, we can become re-victimized by this monstrosity of a disease.<br />
<br />
Second, in the 6 months or so since I've been diagnosed with depression, I have found that most of us victims of depression are also probably suffering with other disorders, too. The anxiety you speak about, sound exactly what I have always had, too. Before I found out I was depressed, I went to my doctor claiming that I just couldn't sleep. I took OTC (over-the-counter) sleep aids containing diphenhydramine (like Tylenol PM) or doxylamine succinate (like Unisom), and they helped for a little while, but eventually all they did was make me feel drowsy, but not enough to help me sleep. When I finally saw my doctor, I was both physically & mentally worn-out. My doctor prescribed Ambien CR to help me sleep, which worked--just like the OTC stuff--for a little while, but eventually even the Ambien wouldn't even work.<br />
<br />
When I went back to see my doctor after using the Ambien for a couple of months, I told her that I was doing better with the Ambien than the OTC pills, but I still had a problem with my mind racing when I laid down to go to sleep. I felt like I couldn't turn my mind off long enough to allow myself to fall aseleep. I would obsess over everything and I'd worry about how the next day would go, and I literally could not stop myself, no matter how tired I felt. I came to understand that my problem wasn't that I couldn't sleep; the inability to sleep was a symptom of a larger problem: depression & anxiety.<br />
<br />
I used to worry about meeting new people or encountering new situations where I wasn't familiar or comfortable, and I made promises to go out with friends and--most of the time--when it came time to do meet them, I'd make up reasons why I couldn't go. Intellectually I knew that I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I couldn't seem to help myself. I thought that acting & feeling this way was just "how things are" and that it was part of my personality. I had no idea that it DIDN'T have to be that way, until my 13 year relationship ended because of my illness.<br />
<br />
When that happened, I was FORCED to see the ugly truth I'd been hiding from for most of my life.<br />
<br />
I've already written so much in this one response, and I do tend to ramble sometimes, so I could write much more (I think, in some way, it actually helps me to write & talk about this...the same could be true for you!). I am reminded of a song called "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick. If you've never heard it, you should so head over to YouTube & look it up. Anyway, the lyrics that really speak to me, and with which I can relate so well is the part toward the end of the song that goes:<br />
<br />
"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song<br />
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,<br />
Threatening the life it belongs to"<br />
<br />
I don't write songs, of course, but I have found that journaling (which was suggested by my psychologist) has been a wonderfully helpful part of my treatment. Keeping so much inside is not only not helpful, it can make things much worse, and make what can be a small thing seem so huge...at least that's what I've found. In an odd way, keeping it all bottled up inside is like giving into a bully. The bully is this frightening person who appears to hold such much power over us until we decide to say "NO!", and then the bully is revealed to be the coward he has always been, looking to pick on only those he perceives as being weaker than him. Once we stand up & speak/write what's on our mind & on our hearts, we slowly release the shame & the fear, and we begin to take back a little of the control we have given to the secrets & the fear...and that now-puny bully!<br />
<br />
Anyway...rambling again...<br />
<br />
If you're interested in reading more about what I've experienced & learned from my life's path thus far, just let me know. I'm can't solve your problems, of course, but if you can learn anything from what I've been though and vice versa, maybe the verbal/written rambling can serve an honorable purpose. At least that's what I hope.<br />
<br />
Speaking of hope, please don't give up on yourself. It may not feel like it, but you really are not alone. You've got a world-full of people here at EP who know your words & your life by heart, because--for at least part of our time--we've lived your life...and some of us still are.<br />
<br />
So, please, keep the hope...and the faith. You are worth it! Always, always remember that!<br />
<br />
I send you peace AND HOPE! :-)

Thanks for the comment... I know i think way too far into the future... its been a long time fault. and i know that if i keep thinking about living.. i wont actually live. at the moment it is really hard to break things down... and it does feel like everything is connected... I dont know where to start. and right now at the thought of no longer being with my bf makes me feel even more lost. I really dont know what i want to do... and i feel like what i want to do and what i should do and what i can do are all different things... I feel completely hopeless

Please continue to go to the support group, you are not a lone. There are several issues and you are trying to group them together, how come? The support group and others will listen to you if you break it down for them, one step at a time.<br />
Also, don't worry of what is going to happen tomorrow, or next week, today is bad enough to figure out.