Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device


Well, it's four o'clock in the morning and I am online researching how to make this depression go away. I google and google and I find this website and decide to share my story. This is pretty much every night these days.

In March 2006, my friend died in an accident. I was best friends with his sister so I had no time to mourn. Instead, I was there for her. In March 2007 I had my first panic attack. It was terrifying but I think I know what it was about because of the timing. I go to school in Baltimore, MD. I am a sophomore in college. went on Paxil to help relieve these panic attacks but it made me feel dead so I went off and had bad withdrawal symptoms. Then I started feeling sad and doubting everything about myself. I felt like I was hurting inside but I didn't know why. I began to hate my school and my life and waking up in the morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep a ended up going home for a week and missing school. I went on lexapro and at first it helped amazingly. I am also in therapy. Now, I'm sad again. My therapist suggested upping my dose of lexapro to 20 mg but this scares me because I don't want to be feel dead again and have no emotions but at this point it's so ard just to get through the easiest day. Every day feels so long. I miss my old life. Please help...anything...i'm desperate. I've never felt more sad and anxious in my life.

depressionhurts98 depressionhurts98 18-21, F 71 Responses Nov 20, 2007

Your Response


Depresion is a sign, like anxiety, it is a opportunity to dig deep find answers and set up your life in the right way or to die trying. The road is long, the victory is sweet

Some additional things you could try, if you haven't already.

Exercise - this will emit endorphins which are a natural tranquilizer.

When the anxiety starts try to count backwards from 100 by 3's. The idea of this is to get control over the attack, before it controls you.

Stay away from caffeine and sugar..has those up and downs you know and try to eat a healthy diet.

Vitamin D which many people lack. You can get a blood test to find out what your levels are at but check with your insurance. The lab work is like 250.00 and some, like mine, don't cover it. But will cover the vitamin D when wrote as a prescription (crazy I think). Here is a link for information on vitamin D and also on how to save on it.

You can look into a quality antioxidant and mineral supplement and you can also look into B vitamins.

Stay strong and keep fighting back.

"Yudhishthira said, 'Tell me, O grandsire, by what frame of soul should one kill one's grief when one loses one's wealth, or when one's wife, or son, or sire, dies.'

I feel the same way right now I just didn't know how to explain it. Literally everyday is annoying & I always feel like no one understands. My counselor thinks I should take antidepressants too because I'm getting worse & the counseling alone isn't helping. I have thoughts of wanting to die everyday & it feels like everyday is a fight & I can't be happy here. I'm not sure of what you should do because I feel stuck myself. I feel trapped in this life & there's nothing I can do about it. I'm about to be 19 years old in July & I already feel like my life is about to be over rather than it just beginning. I've stopped self harming but I'm not even proud of myself because I still have urges to do it so bad like I never stopped & I know when I eventually self harm again, & I know I will, I won't be able to stop. Please just make sure you get all the help you can get because now I'm doing the same. Just be open to what ever your therapist recommends because they are there to help you.

<p>I would definitely talk about your feelings and let that mourning out. That might be the root of your depression, and depression can build on depression. Honestly, I think depression is caused by chemical imbalances, which not only occur in response to situations, but in accordance to how instensly we respond to these situations. (i think those who are sensitive, might be more prone to developing depression; our chemicals can get screwed up. ) ik that at least for me negative thoughts, such I was stupid and different from other ppl because of my adhd, and gave me self confidence issues, and anxiety and depression soon followed especially when I found out that what I had was actually termed, "ADHD".</p><p>But anyways I wish you the best of luck in recovering, and I hope you can try to speak out about what causes these negative feelings, in the first place. </p><p>For me medications just seem to work for a bit, but then plateau. <br />
I am so excited because I might do this neuropsychology thing where they take pics of ur brain or something, and see what's going on. its like a study to see how work, school, life affect the brain, and how it functions concerning disorders such as ADD, anxiety, developmental disorders, seizure disorders, etc. It would be nice to see how my brain works and how its different from other peoples :)<br />
Maybe u could see what's going on in your brain, and it will help give u more data, on why u feel the way you do. I know my therapist knows a lady who's a neuropsychologist who conducts her own studies. maybe ur therapist could help you out to, and arrange for u to experience something similar xD<br />
hope this helps!</p>

I just posted this somewhere else but I feel it may give you some direction if i repost this.<br />
You are not alone in more ways than you think. THis sounds exactly like me so I can understand. I have been battling depression and anxiety for years. I have been on and off medication for about 12 years! I was at the end of my rope literally. But I came through it and now I am finding so much happiness in my life. I still have bad days but not compared to what I experienced. The way I manage my problems is through meditation and trying to live in the present. this sounds cliche but it really works for depression and anxiety. THere is hope. Therapist were always trying to build my self esteem. I kept trying to find and build coping mechanism to counter my self hatred. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. If you practice living in the present you stop labeling yourself. Your past fades away and there is a feeling of living and no need for self esteem. you are perfect right now!!!!! Imagine each second as something new. It took a few months of meditating everyday for about 15 minutes to see some results. Right away, I started sleeping beeter. I was an insomniac for years. Three years of daily meditation has made me a more confident person without even trying to be. I still struggle with self image problems but I am handling them in a different way. Instead of trying to think of all my good qualities I focus on the moment and the feeling of depression fade away into the background and I can be myself. Also, once you learn how to make your mind quiet your realize how connected we all are and your lonliness will lesson. When I was younger i felt so tired emotionally. I felt that I was on a great walk with no place to rest. I just wanted to ffall down. In meditation, I have found a little oasis, a resting place, sometimes i have such hard days but now I have hope because I know that there is a small resting place for me where once there were none. For those of us on medication, there is no reason to change. Just add meditation to your daily dose. Hope this helps and remember you are not alone!

If you ever need to talk, please just message me!

If you ever need to talk, please just message me!

You're asking for help and I'm so proud of you, it's so hard to reach out when you're in the dark place.<br />
<br />
Not all medicines will make you feel dead inside, please keep trying to find the right medication. The right meds give you support and a bit of clarity to start uncovering what's truly making you feel this way and why. <br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you, I've been right there and it's so hard. I went on Cipralex and it's given me the strength to start dispersing the fog of misery and self-loathing via Psychotherapy.<br />
<br />
I'm in no way cured and my relationships with people are strained but every week I develop my ability to connect and feel a little more like a part of society. Write me and I'll write you back :) never give up.

most depression is from situation very few are chemical and as bad as we hate having to re do our lives . only you can change. i am fighting it cause spouse addict. i am fifty two and work work work. alone but in time when god sees it ready hopefully will send me some people to keep company

I used to think this whole anxiety and depression thing was just a convenience people used to get out of work or etc. Guess thats why we should never judge before we walk in someone's shoes because I entered the ER with a possible heart attack and came out with a diagnosis of anxiety and depression. I was shocked I could feel this way. And Why? This was last December, I am on my third antidepressant now, somethings have improved, I am so blah I just want to sleep or do nothing, seems like I just want everything to go away, so I sleep. If I don't I will think and then I will cry and cry and cry. I have been unemployed since june of 08. This has not helped either. But I liked the lexapro then to but it was not covered by insurance. This one now is Vybrid, which was working, but yes I am sad again. But with what I am reading here i am going to see if they have approved them now and change. I had felt so alone until I found this site. I felt I could not trust anyone to tell how I was feeling. Thanks.

Don't give up. If you have a good doctor who is willing to try different meds with you, you will get through this and maybe be able to go off the meds eventually. Each med affects each person differently, so don't just read up on a med and give up before you have tried it. You WILL come out of this!'s terrible while you are going through it, I know.

i suffer from anxiety and depression as well. im still a wreck but i find things like working out at the gym or taking a walk by myself or taking a hot bath calms me down. my issue is i have no way to vent my anger and pain. im still not sure as how to. i always want to run to achole or drugs. which is not the way to go. i was on zoloft for a while and i felt like a took my bad days away but it also took all my good days away. i was flat. i had no feelings at all. i just didnt care about life. then i was on paxil. it helped for awhile but i kept having to up my dosage so i just kind of quit. then i had bad side affects from not weaning myself off of the meds. as far as for my panic attacks i took klonopins as needed for panic attacks and they worked wonderfully. i would calm down immidiatly. but everyday is a struggle. especially since i am no longer on any of these medications and im sure there is a med out tthere that would work for me..i just havent found it yet. my best friend is on paxil and it works wonderful for her. but its just not for me. so everyday i just need to find things to calm me down when i get worked up or upset. i just think physical activity helps alottt. and eating right. having a healthy diet and eating regularly. your body will feel better too. which will then make your mind feel a little bit better. i dont have much advice for you. because i still suffer everyday. just try and do little things that calm you down. light some candles in your house at night. watch a movie you love. listen to your favorite song. take a hot bath. go for a walk. those things seem to calm me down a littl bit. good luck. it sucks i know. your deffintly not alone.

i suffer from anxiety and depression as well. im still a wreck but i find things like working out at the gym or taking a walk by myself or taking a hot bath calms me down. my issue is i have no way to vent my anger and pain. im still not sure as how to. i always want to run to achole or drugs. which is not the way to go. i was on zoloft for a while and i felt like a took my bad days away but it also took all my good days away. i was flat. i had no feelings at all. i just didnt care about life. then i was on paxil. it helped for awhile but i kept having to up my dosage so i just kind of quit. then i had bad side affects from not weaning myself off of the meds. as far as for my panic attacks i took klonopins as needed for panic attacks and they worked wonderfully. i would calm down immidiatly. but everyday is a struggle. especially since i am no longer on any of these medications and im sure there is a med out tthere that would work for me..i just havent found it yet. my best friend is on paxil and it works wonderful for her. but its just not for me. so everyday i just need to find things to calm me down when i get worked up or upset. i just think physical activity helps alottt. and eating right. having a healthy diet and eating regularly. your body will feel better too. which will then make your mind feel a little bit better. i dont have much advice for you. because i still suffer everyday. just try and do little things that calm you down. light some candles in your house at night. watch a movie you love. listen to your favorite song. take a hot bath. go for a walk. those things seem to calm me down a littl bit. good luck. it sucks i know. your deffintly not alone.

I too am up at 4:00 a.m. googling "sad, lonely and depressed". I have been on several types of medication in my life and am currently on Cipralex, which has lost it's efficacy over the past few weeks. I can't sleep and can hardly drag myself out of bed. I am nearly 29 and cannot ever recall a time in my life where I have not suffered from severe depression, which has gotten worse over the past few years as my trusted, lifelong Family Doctor retired. I have tried many coping methods and after reading a post on here have decided to try to get to the root of the problem. All of your kind words, while not directed to me, have helped me more that I can say and given me renewed hope that I too will be happy someday soon. God bless you all and thank you for representing humanity with such kindness, caring and sympathy for your fellow mankind. You are all truly good samaritans.

Hi,<br />
I have gone through some terrible anxiety myself. I remember in high-school I had such an anxiety that I could not even go to school. Depressein is something I am struggling with as well. Do you think you have kept a lot inside and it just wants out!!!??

I really feel for you - I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, and sometimes depression, for many years. I, like many other people, am living proof that these are NOT incurable diseases - people DO get better and recover completely, people DO get their lives back. One of the things that helped me was reading a writer called Anthony de Mello - he was a Christian, a Jesuit priest, but also drew a lot on eastern philosophies. I don't subscribe to any particular faith these days, but still find de Mello's philosophy helpful. There's a really great book called 'Awareness', which is basically a transc<x>ript of some of his talks and very inspiring. One of the things he has to say about depression and anxiety is that we shouldn't 'identify' with those feelings - when we say things like 'I'm depressed' or 'I'm anxious', we are basically labelling ourselves as a depressed or anxious individual - and there's a danger that we write ourselves off as a hopeless case. When you stop to think about it, all feelings pass, they come and go like the clouds in the sky - we are NOT our feelings, they are not an intrinsic part of us. We have anxious feelings, we have low moods - but they are NOT who we are. I've also found it helpful not to fight those feelings, because that just makes them worse - we always empower what we resist. Just try accepting that, at the moment, you have these feelings, but this is just a bad phase you're going through right now - like everything else, it will pass. You'll be ok - you ARE ok. I wish you well.

You're not alone!!! I also have depression + anxiety. and it's hard!!!! I also recently lost a friend, but we weren't very close. And i struggle in school too. Insomnia and mood swings seem to be getting the best of me.

Hi, wow so many comments. Today i finally saw the light. I have been in depression since a child. Many bad years of abuse. But after all this information i finally decided it's over. I do not want to cry anymore. I am not going to let the enemy take over. That's what he wants is for us to be miserable. I started walking about 2 weeks ago. It really does work. And i want to start taking differant classes. I too believe that will work. Staying home and thinking too much is really unhealthy. Get out, go get a message, go buy yourself something. As far as anxiety attacks. I use to get them from driving in the city and going in any new restaurant or store. I went to 4 hypnosis session and i no longer have anxiety attacks. As far as meds i was on them 2 times.I think they are good for a little while to get you out of the really deep depression, but i think the rest is up to you. You have to deal with reality. I was so happy when i was on them, so i wanted everyone else to be happy to so i lent out a lot of money and rented out my house. Things i never would never have done off of them. I had no feelings. I was never mad , sad, only happy, which is good to an extend, but than you have to come down and accually face life. One day you will say that's enough i don't want this anymore. I wish you luck!!!

Really sorry to hear what you are going through. As you can see, so many people are here to support you and understand how you feel. I wonder if you have had any nutritional advice from your doctors? There is now a huge amount of scientific evidence to support the use of various supplements especially the omega 3 fatty acids EPA and DHA. There is evidence that suggests it works as well as antidepressants for many people. A B vitamin complex as well as vitamin D is also often useful. Walking helps too. A very close friend of mine is a registered nutritionist with a masters degree in nutritional medicine. She has written a lot about depression on this blog:<br /> Here are two links specifically to some information about the omega 3 fats:<br /><br /><br />
<br />
She has her own website now which is still in the set up stages but might help you<br /><br />
<br />
I have a blog that I write about my own personal journey toward finding inner peace, feel free to have a read<br />
<br />
Wishing you all the best<br />

maybe try a natural know lots of diseases mimic depression so can vitamin and mineral deficiancies, doctors just want to keep you sick and paying for meds also, get just enough sleep like seven or eight hours and eat a healthy diet lots of fruits, greens and seeds you'll be amazed at how much these things affect your mood seriously...I'm on my way to battling my depression...I think i got mine cuz the family dog had to be given away, then she got run over and the other one in the same year that was my dad's dog had to be put down because his lymph node cancer got so bad....a lot of bad things seemed to happen in the year of 2010 for me anyways. hope this helps you as much as it is me. cheers!

The day came when I realized I had been having panic attacks, in one form or another, since childhood. In the last 25 years I have worked with about a half dozen therapists, have been on Xanax for a while, have taken Welbutrin for 10 years, and I've concluded that the best thing to do for anxiety and depression is talk it out. It's expensive, it's lengthy, I get sick of it and depressed just thinking of how long I've been in therapy, but in the end, it works. I hope it works for you.

it will be alright because even though it seems like you are in a dark and empty place right now, you have to keep on moving because it will get better. Your view of the world is distorted by depression that you CAN fight. it feels like no one could ever understand the pain you feel and how much hate you feel but you are not alone and the rest of us are here to support you. do what you normally like to do and when you feel down, know that people care about you and someone is thinking about you :)

Well let me tell you dat wen starded havin anxiety atacks n it was the worst feelin ever <br />
Then the depression came and i didnt know what to do..i would cry all day n night because<br />
I didnt knw what was wrong, then i talk to my bf about it n he help me alot..we would go out <br />
The whole day to keep me distracted We would go back to the house at night time when i was <br />
N right away fall asleep, it took me a while but thats what help me get over my depression..goin out<br />
The whole day to get distracted.<br />
N prayin ALOT

I really hate these ppl that tell you to exercise more or find the root of the problem blah blah. Lemme blow my brain out and hand it to you. Maybe now you can get out of your mr knowitall self righteousness miserable self and think to yourself... Maybe we thought of all those things already.

I am always depressed. Can't get rid of it. Tried meds and it makes me worse. I have no friends. My husband is the only person that is there for me. Then he goes to work and I am all alone. Family has totally walked away from me. People I thought were my friends won't answer the phone or answer emails. I get rejected on FB. I am useless and helpless.

i too have suffered depression, and that i know what it is, i realize, it started in my teen years.went on medication that made me drool,made me feel crazier than i was. threw them in the trash.mabe what you are suffering from is more than me, and dont think im making fun of you in any way, but when i start feeling bad, i smoke pot. i dont abuse pot, but it helps me. you also need to realize that life is what it is,we cant change it, you can let it bring you down or let it make you stronger, that helps me to remind myself of that. also, do you have a religion? finding faith in jesus, talking to him helps me.

please help, i am ill and hurt my mum who had cancer and wipe poo on the walls because i have suffered 3 years i should i have the motivation to do this i want to be well i am not the kind of person to give up like this

i suffer too, the advise can offer is this. having done all that research u should be aware of a couple of things:<br />
1-researchers will be the first to tell u that depression meds, for the most part, have little effect <br />
2-if meds offer any relief it is for a short peroid of time and should ONLY be used in conjunction with therapy<br />
3-doc's will continue to up your meds for as long as u ask them to (not a good thing)<br />
4-u may want to rethink changing meds (duration without relief)= time to no that current med not working (weeks or monts)--time to detox from current med (weeks or months) time to allow new med to take effect (weeks or months)--all this time u will be without relief from your depression.<br />
All i'm saying is to be sure it's the meds that need changing: there may be something u personally can change, and u may want to re-evaluate the effectiveness of your current therapist. changing docs is as also an option. u have alot to consider, the battle is long and hard pace your self, and good luck,,, i feel ya

Saw your story featured on front page here at E.P. !<br />
<br />
Rotten to be awake at 4.00 a.m., boring and tiring. I'm sure you are doing a lot of the right things already, exploring medication and having a go at therapy ? Both can sometimes make you feel worse, before getting better. Therapy is renowned for getting you all stirred up - that is the point of it.<br />
<br />
Keep up the good work, and just take it a day at a time ?<br />
<br />
Message if you want ?<br />
<br />
Cheers, T.C.

i am 13 and i take meds for deperssion and aniexity and maybe u shud try meds they help

same thing happened to me when i lost my mother. she passed away in the same day i delivered my first child then my father also passed away 19 days after her. but the only difference i didn`t take any medications. i just kept crying and fighting with my hubby for 3 month till i went to a therapist who won`t give me any medications, instead he told to sit my mind that they still here a live and to ask them all the questions i need to be answered so they can rest in peace and i feel free from all the sadness and denial i am living in. he brought a chair and i imagined, actually i felt like she " my mom " was really there and answering me back and i was crying as hell. i will never forget this day. <br />
i went home and all i wanted to do is take a worm shower and go to deeeeeep sleep.<br />
so my advice to u is to try this way. sit down and bring the person u miss to life and ask them and talk to them like they actually their. find the answers u need and ten let them go rest in peace. and the same will happen to ur mind it will be in peace with urself and with the people around u. <br />
and it worked.

Just remember, that you do have support and sympathy from everyone you donot know, that has these symptoms. Just keep chatting up a storm and talking to people that understand this illness.<br />
And stick with the people in your that except you. I know this is easy to say , but thats what we have<br />
Try to get a Hobby , that allows you to be creative. <br />

I have suffered from panic disorder & panic attacks for most of my life. I never understood what happened to me when they would happen "the moment" thats what I call them. It comes on just out of nowhere you start to feel scared your heart races ,then I feel I am going to die. Or this is the real head trip feel like I am going to lose touch with reality ,forgetting who I am.Well I am on medication and I go to therapy. I have learned that panic attacks are you scaring the hell out of your own mind, with thoughts of dying, or getting in situations with large crowds and feeling the need to run away from that and go to a safe place. Or should I say where you feel safe. My shrink told me there is no safe place ,you actually create it for yourself. My whole life I worked in nursung homes, state hospital and with mentally handicapped adluts. I have seen alot of things. I have lost a love he meant alot to me .He was killed in a car wreck. But I have tried many meds I hate that wiped out feeling. Currently I am on a low dose of klonopin it helps. But I stll have those moments. One thing that works for me is a panic journal write down what you feel when it comes on or when the attack is over . Like what you where doing or kinda food you were eating, hanging out with people, places. Then on a good day read it . Try to find a safe place in your mind fill it with something you love. Think of it as your mind apartment and only you have the key . Guys I know that once you learn a way to cope it gets alittle easier. Love and warm hugs from my mind to yours . Feels good to know I am not alone .

You are doing the right thing by coming here, I discover new and amazing people everyday on here, it's great. The more you indulge with other people's experiences and share your goals, the more occupied you will be and able to take your mind off everything that bothers you, day and night.<br />
I found a way out of the nightmare that is anxiety by meeting a group of people into hematolagnia on here, the act of the scarring helped to put the pain on the outside, but in a positive way, a way that feels intimate, a way that can be easily controlled and overtime you can see it heal, rather than self harm, it is like self healing. I suggest you look in my circles, maybe there is an answer there.

<br />
<br />
MY PLAN for dealing with depression requires a minimum of 14 days but it can be spread over a number of months if that is what you need. The tasks will help you build a foundation for recovery � dealing with each vulnerable part of you before moving on to the next. <br />
If you followed, or are still following, part one, you should already have a journal. This will be your workbook and it will hold the answers you are looking for. It will also be a document that charts your recovery. <br />
In your journal, begin by writing down what you are aiming for � your dream life. What would have to happen to get your life back on track? Deep in our hearts, we all know what needs to be achieved to help us move forward. As the first item in your journal, this will be the first thing you see when you open the book. <br />
Now let's continue with Days 8 to 14.<br />
<br />
Day 8: Understand your depression <br />
When we are depressed, we may interact with others in a ' neurotic' way. This next exercise can help you to grab the essence of the behaviour that drives you round in circles and give you some answers for how to change. The more honest you can be, the more informative the results will be. <br />
These are the questions you must ask yourself: 1 When have I had these feelings before? <br />
Depression is caused by 'depressed' feelings; feelings which have been pressed down. Grab them and draw them out. When did they start? Put three memories to the experiences. Find a photo that symbolises the timing of the feelings or visualise yourself at the time that you were previously depressed. How often do I experience them? <br />
2 What triggers their reoccurrence? <br />
Who or what triggers these feelings? What situation do I get myself into that triggers these feelings? Why does it always happen when I go to work/visit my brother/ argue with my wife? (Find your own situation.) 3 Which role do I play in this situation? <br />
Am I a victim (feeling helpless and at the mercy of others), a martyr (trying to help others to make myself feel better) or a perpetrator (turning on others for making me feel like this)? Why do I take up this role? How long have I been playing this part? If I become the victim, then who is the perpetrator? Who taught me this role? Or from whom did I learn it? <br />
4 What benefits do I gain from being here? Who am I trying to please? And why? <br />
5 By playing this part, what situation or feelings am I trying to avoid? <br />
6 What do I need to do to change this? What would be an ideal scenario for me to make changes that benefit me? <br />
This is an opportunity to map out your best-case scenario to help you recover from depression. For example, when I was depressed I wanted someone to come along and just take care of me and all my problems, take care of my son, give me enough money to live on and tell me I was okay. <br />
Just write your own perfect setting with lots of details. Take your time � hours, days, weeks. Don't rush this important bit. Once you have outlined your best-case scenario, imagine yourself to be in front of a panel of the top-five people that you most admire. <br />
These can be people that you personally know or people you have never met but for whom you have great respect. <br />
Ask each of them this question: 'What do I have to do to get my best case scenario to come true?' Write down each answer as it comes to you. When they have answered, savour the results, because within this exercise we can be sure we are accessing the best of ourselves. <br />
The answers are now in our hands and we know what we need to do next. <br />
Day 9: Stop being a victim <br />
When we are depressed, we feel that we are victims of many things: society, another's control, authority, our parents' behaviour, personal finances, our workplace, etc. <br />
This is because we have felt powerless � a debilitating state of mind that can paralyse us and from which we feel we have no refuge. If we suffer from feeling like a victim, this was probably due to a legacy from our childhood. Those of us who were raised without feeling a sense of autonomy will often carry this feeling into adulthood and it will seep into our everyday life. <br />
It will manifest itself as a feeling of dependence on others to survive. <br />
Becoming aware of our 'victim' status is the first step towards changing it. It is time to move on from feeling like a victim. <br />
Remember: . Our feelings are our own responsibility, they can't be blamed on someone else. <br />
. We can't expect unconditional love from another adult. Every adult relationship has a contract, whether written or unwritten. For instance, many couples would not tolerate one partner having an affair. <br />
Whether this is written down or not, it is understood. If we enter into a relationship expecting 'unconditional love', we are entering into it with a child's outlook. If we try to build a relationship before we have finished our childhood, we are setting ourselves up to take up the victim status. <br />
. Nobody can make you do something you don't want to do. No one has that much power over us unless we simply give it away (or unless they literally had a gun to your head � most unlikely). <br />
. Nobody has control over you unless you let them have it. <br />
. You have no control over others. <br />
. You can be independent. You don't need another particular person for comfort. <br />
Day 11: Address your anger <br />
The most common buried feeling that we have if we are depressed is anger. <br />
We started to address our anger by writing about it in our journal on Day 7. It is now time to confront it more fully. <br />
The consequence of being around other people's anger may have required us to submerge our own. <br />
This is often done to try to appease someone and protect ourselves from something we could not face. <br />
This is common in children, where an angry parent is frightening to a child, so we learn to pacify the adult to save ourselves from harm. <br />
However, our own anger is often even more frightening to us. If it wasn't, we wouldn't submerge it and we wouldn't be depressed. I have never met a depressed person who has not buried anger. <br />
You do have a right to feel angry. <br />
Anger is simply another feeling that is in the same grief cycle as joy, sadness, depression and denial. It's no better or worse. It is time to open the dam that has held back our anger and, little by little, we can let it out until we have a manageable flow. <br />
First, look back over the past year and write down the answers to these questions: 1 What do you feel angry about? <br />
2 With whom do you feel angry? <br />
3 Why do you feel angry? <br />
Answer these three questions as thoroughly as you can in your journal. <br />
The answers always appear surprisingly short and succinct. <br />
There is usually a very good reason why we are angry and we usually know what that is. <br />
We can begin to address this anger now by finding the part of us that is frightened or unsure about addressing the anger. We need to finish off the past and we can do this by undertaking the following exercise. <br />
VISUALISATION EXERCISE Close your eyes. Visualise yourself in a childlike state and in the company of the person that you are angry with. In this visualisation, see yourself as an adult and take the hand of the child. <br />
As the adult, tell the other person what you both (you and you as a child) are angry about. You can shout, scream, hurl insults or just talk calmly. Make sure you get the point across until you feel that everything has been said. <br />
Ask your child if they would like to say anything. <br />
Explain to the other adult that you will not be tolerating their unacceptable behaviour any more. <br />
Walk away from that person, holding your child's hand firmly and, when you get to a safe place, bend down to your child and ask if that was okay and if there was anything more you could have done. Take the child in your arms and tell them you will never, ever let them be steamrollered by that person again. <br />
The more we undertake this exercise, the more we build up a strong inner core that we will never have experienced before. <br />
PRESENT ANGER As we lessen the burden of historic anger, we will find it easier to express our anger at something that happens today. <br />
The first thing we must do if we are frightened of expressing ourselves is to take time out when we feel angry. This will give us an opportunity to get a perspective on how angry it is appropriate to feel. <br />
It is best to express our anger as close to the moment as is possible. <br />
The sooner we let it out, the easier it is to discharge and the better we feel for it. Anger can mean slight irritation; it doesn't have to mean all out war'. However we feel, we are entitled to our feelings. <br />
Day 12: Become empowered Now we are becoming more confident in our ability to release our anger, we can comfortably use it to empower ourselves. <br />
This is because we are less afraid of our own anger and have learned to trust ourselves when we feel angry. We can use this new-found confidence to restore faith in ourselves that we are not bad for having these feelings. <br />
AN ACTION PLAN Enough is enough. We have sat with our depression for long enough that we have worked through the main reasons for feeling so depressed. <br />
We have an understanding of how we got here and we have a picture of what we need to do to move ourselves on and start to reclaim our lives. <br />
If you feel that you are not yet at this point, then return to the first seven days and stick with those principles until you are bored and frustrated. Your action plan will come in two sections, the 'Who' and the 'What'. <br />
THE WHO The Who is a plan to take up any issues with others who need to be confronted. Who do we confront? <br />
We need to confront anyone whom we think is behaving in a way that is holding us back from beating depression. <br />
We need to be cautious when we establish this list because we must take into account how much of the 'exploitation' we feel is down to us remaining as the 'victim' and how much really is because the other person is exploiting us. <br />
Write out the following: . Who needs to be confronted? <br />
This can be as simple as asking the neighbour if they can park a little to the left to help you get out of the drive more easily. <br />
It can be as big as facing your parents and explaining that as a child you were sexually abused by a relative and you feel let down and angry that they kept sending you to the relative's house in spite of your protestations. <br />
. How do they need to be confronted? <br />
Stand-up rows often leave everyone exhausted. Calm discussion can be the best way. <br />
. When are they to be confronted? <br />
Choose your timing with care. We want to get the best from ourselves and the other person. <br />
. What result do you want from confronting them? <br />
Envisage the perfect result before you start. Write it down if necessary. <br />
Plan it in your head. Imagine the outcome as an adult, not a child. <br />
THE WHAT For the 'What' we have to confront in our lives, we need to look at the practical changes we can put into place, for example: . I need to change my job . I want to move house . I have to change my financial circumstances . I need a break <br />
Day 13: Take action <br />
It's time to put into place the work of the past 12 days. We must find the courage to challenge what is holding us back. <br />
Write down what you intend to do using the First Step First technique. At the top of a page write GOAL TO BE ACHIEVED. <br />
At the bottom, write FIRST STEP FIRST. Between them, write the steps you need to take to reach your goal. For example, if you were planning to run a marathon, you would gradually build up to that by running shorter races. <br />
Day 14: See things differently <br />
When we are depressed, we tend to see the negative side of a situation. <br />
We see the glass as half empty instead of half full. We have learned to do this over a period of time. <br />
And, when we are depressed, we often hear others tell us that it is not that bad, they can't see what the problem is or that we are making a mountain out of a molehill. <br />
We can feel angry and patronised. <br />
How is it that they see it another way yet we are both looking at the same thing? It's because their information is filtered through a different pattern and a dissimilar history to us. They have been taught in a different manner to us. <br />
But this is all learned. <br />
Only when you get to this last stage in beating depression can you begin to grasp the idea that things can change, because you will have seen and felt changes take place already. When you face a scenario in which you can only see gloom or disaster, find the antidote. <br />
Here is an example: I can't get ahead in my career. <br />
It can feel like a dead-end when we can't move forward in our career. <br />
However, it may be a time to step back and stop pushing. When we try to force change when it's not the right time, we end up feeling dejected. <br />
The upside of this scenario is to seize the opportunity to establish what we really want to do rather than what we think we should do. <br />
You never know, it just might be the final step you require to reclaim your life and beat depression.

wow, this might accually save my life. I have been depressed my whole life and did not know how to get out of it. I have tried everything.I'm tired of crying, i will try this. Everyone should copy and paste this into notepad Thank-you!!!

I used to research how to make depression go away a lot, and I still do so quite frequently, although not as much. I have found so many random things from therapists and prescription medicines to herb remedies, hot cocoa, and consuming more protein/vitamin B12.

Hope you will recover soon! I support you and believe yourself !

Hello,<br />
I think that is horroable to have such experiences in life. I had a concussion over 20 years ago and now I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am determined to return to as normal state of functioning as can be.I have taken who knows how many different kinds of medication and the only seemed to cause other cognitive problem, for I too am a student, yet still I stand through no power of my own. I believe that the best formula for us as human beings is the ability to believe that there is hope! No matter how long as it takes, through what ever means, I hope that you get better. <br />
Take what ever you can from this experience and hopefully it will benefit someone esle whose problems may be worse, that your conduct may bring them relief, comfort and peace. May this suffering be not in vain. Blessings

Can sympathize with you. Had no mental health probs until brain surgery 2 yrs. ago. Since then have had anxiety attacks & depression. Take clonazepam(generic name) for anxiety, it helps a lot. Tried 5 antidepressants, Lexapro was helping a lot & then suddenly stopped. Dr. tried another with bad side affects, he's no help at this point. Am now seeking new shrink & AM NOT giving up hope that the right med is out there. In the meantime I'm pretty miserable. Hang in there.

I've spent many years dealing w/ chronic depression (which can be quite debilitating at times) and have been on MANY different meds. In my experience, none really helped and had bad side effects. For years, docs and books said to be sure and get regular exercise, but I completely ignored it. NOW, I am going through a horrendous situation which would normally make me want to die...BUT I have sworn off meds and go to a Chinese practitioner and get accupuncture and herbs. What has DEFINITELY made the most significant difference in my life is doing 30-45 minutes of cardio at least 5x per week. I noticed immediate benefits in less than a week! I feel so much more positive, exhilerated, energetic, and I sleep better too. I am definitely a believer in exercise now! It was really hard to get my butt out of bed or off the couch to start, but now that I know how much better it makes me feel I am a fanatic. I recommend doing a brisk walk at least several times a week. If you are really depressed, force yourself to go everyday. Listen to your most upbeat music on your iPod and work up a good sweat for around 40 minutes. You'd be surprised how curative it is! This treatment is free and the side effects are a trimmer, more toned physique!

I've spent many years dealing w/ chronic depression (which can be quite debilitating at times) and have been on MANY different meds. In my experience, none really helped and had bad side effects. For years, docs and books said to be sure and get regular exercise, but I completely ignored it. NOW, I am going through a horrendous situation which would normally make me want to die...BUT I have sworn off meds and go to a Chinese practitioner and get accupuncture and herbs. What has DEFINITELY made the most significant difference in my life is doing 30-45 minutes of cardio at least 5x per week. I noticed immediate benefits in less than a week! I feel so much more positive, exhilerated, energetic, and I sleep better too. I am definitely a believer in exercise now! It was really hard to get my butt out of bed or off the couch to start, but now that I know how much better it makes me feel I am a fanatic. I recommend doing a brisk walk at least several times a week. If you are really depressed, force yourself to go everyday. Listen to your most upbeat music on your iPod and work up a good sweat for around 40 minutes. You'd be surprised how curative it is! This treatment is free and the side effects are a trimmer, more toned physique!

I feel for you a ton D: I mean I really do I'm in so much pain too it's starting to get hard to function again I think I'm in the worst position of my life right now.

To help your panic attacks when you get them.<br />
Your in this hard cold world when panic attacks come on, your thinking about whats going to happen what has happened, to take you out of this world and put you back into the world we acually live in you need to focus on things in this world, you have a panic attack while walking downtown, you focus on the car driving by, what kind it is the color, then focus on the person walking across the street, there hair, there clothes. <br />
So on, so forth, take yourself out of the world you hate and into the world that matters and whats going on in it... Ive had them a few times, they suck but it helps. Message me if you need anything :]

Have you ever heard of bio feedback? It's a non drug therapy which I just started. I would suggest looking into it. It allows you to control your thoughts before they snowball in panic or depression. I also had panic, anxiety, and depression due to the loss of my mother. This seems to be the best thing I found yet and I have been to countless therapists and on numberous drugs. This biofeedback provides you with a way to regain control of your life without having to rely on drugs.

im 16 and im going through something similar ive been depreesed for years im on paxil i was seeing a phsycologist but nothing helps i feel s empty my doctor keeps uping my mgs im now on 30mgs but i feel like ill never get out of this deep dark hole i just wish the good times would out weigh the bad

i too feel like you on many days, i am on tablets and seeing a therepist but i find it best no matter how hard to leave the house, is to go out and spend time with friends and family, it lifts me up. depression is not understood by many, but i understand you so chin up and you can allways talk to me

Find something you can feel mastery over. Something small or big. It's best if it's physical and mental, such as hiking. Try to do this one thing physical thing that you can feel mastery over, on a daily basis, at the same general time every day. Maybe even write a blog publicly committing yourself to it, and allow this community to support you in building some positive momentum. We are highly momentum sensitive creatures, and right now is a great time to get the ball rolling in a positive direction. If this feels overwhelming right now, that's ok. If you feel like you can't do it, that's ok. If you just want to talk about what sort of daily activity you'd undertake if you had the energy, that's fine. If none of this touches you right, that's not a problem. It's all ok. It's life. These feelings you're having are O K -- they do not make you a bad person. They are just emotions. You're going through things that, when you get to the other side, will enhance your tools to support friends in need with empathy and experience. Hang in there....

There are different types and reasons for depression. I had a mild depression for most of my life but when I gave birth to a daughter with Down Syndrome who also required open heart surgery I decided to take medication. I went on citelopram. I am off them now (a year later) and honestly I have to say I wish that I had never gone on them. DEpressants are definately for some people but not all. If something significant has happened in your life I would suggest that people stay away from the meds if at all possible because for me it stopped me from actually being able to deal with the events of my life. Now over a year later I have only just begun to start to process the fact that I had to sign a piece of paper allowing my 3 month old childs chest to be cut open with a chainsaw. It has haunted me for all this time. <br />
<br />
On the plus side I think as I am not coming out the other side that my mild depression has gone. When something so significant happens in your life I think it can just help you to appreciate life more fully.<br />
<br />
Just work through it people. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

I am not a doctor, just sharing my personal experience as I have had depressions and anxiety for sometime. The best way to get over anxiety and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. There are various prescription drugs to get over anxiety and depression, but these should only be used in accordance with the instruction of a physician. There is a lot of fake selling of such medicines on internet, so before you can order it online just make sure it is a real pharmacy. I am having it from

Hi, I also have struggled with depression and anxiety and I want to encourage you to do a bible study on the key words in your bible like "think, mind, fear, spirit of heavyness and words, tongue. They really opened my mind out there about how important it is to get our thought life and the words we say out of our mouth in line with what God's word says about us....and these bible verses have gotten me through some hard times!<br />
<br />
1 Peter 5: 6,7 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exhalt you, Casting the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (Aplified Bible)<br />
<br />
Ephesians 6:12 For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood (contending only with physical opponents) but against the despotisms, against the powers, against (the master spirits who are) the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly sphere.<br />
<br />
I pray that all of us can come together in one accord against this spirit of depression and anxiety that is attacking the body of Christ! We are overcomers through the Blood of Jesus!

i no how you feel i lost my mother on mothers day last year she was my everything.i got so depressed i started pulling my hair and hitting myself,im on paxil 75mg it helps a little.but i still cant go on i what to be with my mother so bad.and i hope someday you get better im trying but its hard.may god bless you i have you in my prayers...reva

I have struggled with depression all of my life and I have tried numerous drugs. Mine is a chemical imbalance and I have found some drugs that help me to manage my depression. They create a bottom to the cycle and then the rest is up to me to struggle with. I found that exercise helps and networking to develop friendships that occupy my mind and help to bring me up. I have a tendency to stay at home and hide. It's the worst thing I can do. I go to the dog park to take my dog but even more for myself to get out and talk with people. It really helps me. My dogs help me. You will have to find the little things that help until you come out of this cycle. I am available to talk if you need someone.

Hugs. I was depressed as well but came by this site because I was searching and searching for a site that can make me truly happy. You are not alone. Some had happiness easy. Let's make this our own pursuit for "happy-ness".

I understand the dark place you are in. You have to understand that depression is a mood and it can be controlled. You have to learn to recognize when you have a negative thought and write it down. Then you learn how to prove it wrong. I learned this through Cognitive Therapy. You do this with or without meds. Please look it up on the internet, it will help you, but you have to keep a journal or it won,t work.<br />
Please take care, many of us have suffered from this awful condition and we feel your pain. It is worth the struggle to get away from it.

Hi.<br />
I think depression can be one of the hardest things to deal with in life. While there are so many other afflictions and diseases out there nothing will stop you dead in your tracks the way depression does<br />
<br />
I think I have had depression since I was 12. Back in the 70's not much was known about childhood depression to make it worse. I started anti depressants back in 2000 for a good 5 to 10 years and stopped taking them maybe 5 to 7 years ago.<br />
<br />
let me tell you it is THE MOST DIFFICULT BATTLE. I start doubting everything I am doing. I am unmotivated, I don't want to be around people, i hate my job and want to quit, blah blah blah. I'm so tired of feeling this<br />
<br />
but I've learned a lot. I have some good friends who listen and support me. EP is great too! I get to write and listen to other people. <br />
<br />
Keep writing here. It will help you along the way. I like to track my moods and graph things. <br />
<br />
I wish I had answers but I'm still learning too =(

I also suffer from depression, I was officially diagnosed and started medication in 2006, but I believe I suffered from it long before then. Anyway, I'm currently on Lexapro, 20mg, and it's the best thing I could be doing. It doesn't make me feel dead, or even numb, like some antidepressants can, it actually helps me feel alive. I feel motivated and productive, and not overwhelmed. I'm a college student also, so I know how depression is affecting your studies and your life in general. <br />
<br />
If there is one thing I think you need to know it's that I firmly believe that Lexapro gave me my life back. Without it, I would still be laying on my couch, trying to figure out a way to move without feeling overwhelmed. If you still don't want to up the dose, then the best advice I can give you is to keep seeing your therapist. Even on the days that you have to remind yourself step by step how to function, those are the days that it helps the most.<br />
<br />
All the best to you, I hope things get better.

I had suffered from depression for many years, I had tried the meds and therapy. I couldn't shake it. It was an awful time in my life. I prayed all the time for God to make it go away. Still no relief. Then one day I don't know what happened to me ~ I just DECIDED that was it, no more. I started fighting back. First, I went into my basement and I screamed as long and as loud as I could, I made myself scream till my head hurt and then I screamed some more. That really took a lot of pressure off and I could feel every part of my body, silly as it sounds, I slept like a rock that night. The next day, I made a list of things I wanted in my life; love, fun, happiness, forgiveness and people, to name a few. I called and went to see people that I believed I had wronged or hurt in my life, (that included my brother who had died yrs earlier), I said I was sorry and I asked for forgiveness. My goal was to get rid of some ugliness and guilt I had been carrying around. I went to see my mom and we just talked, about everything and we laughed. It felt really good. Next, I figured I needed to get busy I was tired of doing nothing! I heard that people who don't get enough sun very often can suffer from depression, so I got outside I would read or just walk anything on rainy days I would go to a tanning salon! I started taking vitamins and eating better cause I heard your diet can cause issues! I took karate lessons~ it's peaceful you don't think about anything else while your learning karate! I took swimming lessons cause water just feels good on the body. I called people and we made plans to do something fun. Lastly, I forgave myself for not being perfect and not always doing the right thing. I can honestly tell you that my life is mine again. No meds, no doctors. Sometimes it's what we are telling ourselves inside our own heads that keep us sick. Change your self-talk, change your life. You can heal. I hope this helps, God Bless you.

To be honest i do not profess to understand exactly what you are going through all i know is that since i was 6 i had a self harm problem (Alot of shrinks etc classed it as depression) i am now 15/16 and have just started to stop and sort my life out. <br />
I know the feeling that it is never going to end but it does. <br />
<br />
Umm i don't know if this will help but i found that exercise helps me- this is completely personal but joining a gym has helped me so much. <br />
<br />
Hope this helps. XxMx

I have been in this same exact place. Jumping from medicine to medicine and uping start to feel like a guinea pig. But don't give up!! It took many combinations of 'cocktails' and some of us call them until they found the right one for me. I suffer from bipolar Disorder. Ask your doctor about Lamictal and Seroquel. You never know it might be the right combo!! Keep your chin up and keep talking. It helps more than you realize.<br />

Hi I know what you are going through! I am suffering from the same symptoms. My doc has put me on 50 mg Zoloft and its starting to work. Let your doc up the dose for you, if it doesnt work for you have them to switch the meds.

Hey!! <br />
<br />
I wont pretend to know how you feel but my experience was that Depression was a sign, my body and mind's way of letting me know that something is terribly wrong with my envirnoment/lifestyle and a change MUST come if I am to grow and be at peace.<br />
<br />
My Doctor said gave me the best ever advice when she said the anti-depressants are just a crutch - if you dont sort the actual issues then there is no guarantee that things will sort themselves out.<br />
<br />
My advice to you is to try and learn from the situation - embrace it instead of trying to run from it. There are vital lessons and experiences you can draw strength from.<br />
<br />
I believe your body will always act to protect itself - i.e. you- from danger or harmful stuff by giving you signals and signs...<br />
<br />
Listen and embrace them; in the end only you know what is good for you.<br />
<br />
Stay blessed and live strong!!

I know exactly how you feel. I too have situational anxiety and depression. Sometimes the days and the pain never seem to end.<br />
I am also (fortunately and unfortunately) a doctor. Lexapro helps make more good hormones in your brain, but after a while your brain can get used to them or you just may be more depressed. I think you should increase your dose to 20 mg.<br />
I am also on lexapro. Two years ago I started it and had to increased it to 20 mg within 6 months. I felt like I was going backwards. I felt better on the 20 mg and I'm now almost off off lexapro all together.<br />
I know what this feels like so please don't feel alone. I remember so many lonely fearful nights of crying and despair with no one there for me. I don't want that for you.<br />
Go out, take walks, eat chocolate, pray, do whatever used to make you happy. It takes a while but you can be yourself again. And know that someone is thinking of you.

what is this depression about???? what unresolved issues do you have here... could it be that your best friend died and you took advantage of hes sister in her time of need????? read between the lines... and you are feeling guilty about it... get really ******* pissed say sorry to your mate yourself and his sister in your mind and ******* move on... learn your lesson... and you will be fine.... i love you...

Dear depressionhurts98,<br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Please forgive yourself. Your fears, guilt, anger, these self destructive feelings that cause panic attacks, difficulty sleeping, etc. <br />
<br />
I would like to recommend that you read "My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. Through her experience with losing her left brain function temporarily after a stroke at 37 years of age, she gained wonderful insights and learned that "the feeling of nirvana is never more than a mere thought away. By stepping to the right of our left brains, we can all uncover the feelings of well-being and peace that are so often sidelined by our own brain chatter...deep internal peace truly is accessible to anyone at anytime (Bolte-Taylor, 2006).

I understand what you are going through. I as well suffer from the same. I have found a therapist that specializes in behavioral modification therapy. She works to help me get to the root problem instead of treating the symptoms. It has proven to be effective in helping me find the real cause of my depression and obsessive compulsiveness. I would highly recommend finding someone who specializes in this field. Finding the cause is the most important part.

When my mum died I was left to sort everything out, so I never had time to mourn. A few years later I started to have panic attacks & depression, the doctor said it was a delayed re-action. I take Propranolol for the attacks & it works great. One of the best ways to work through this is to keep talking, hopefully the therapist will help you! Good luck xox

The dreadful thing about depression is that you think that it will never end. But it WILL. <br />
<br />
When things were bad for me I found that exercise (in my case long, long walks) seemed to help. Exercise produces chemicals (I don't know the scientific names) which help to lighten your mood. <br />
<br />
And a bit of prayer would help too.<br />
<br />
Very sorry that things are so bad for you. But as you will see, other people on this website have been in the darkness where you are, and they have come out of the tunnel.

I'm sorry that you're not feeling well. I've taken Cymbalta before. It worked for a few months, but the numb feeling was more than I could bear. Unfortunately, it has substantial withdrawal symptoms. In order to successfully get off of this drug, I had to wean off over a period of months.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this is not about me. It's about you. And I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time of it. I don't have any sage advice to offer, just my sympathies and me well-wishes for you.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I've battles anxiety and depression for quite some time now. My one word of advice: up your meds to 20 mg. I had doubts about doing it too, but honestly it was a great decision. There is a very small chance you will even have side effects. I'm on lexapro too and it's working great, I increased the dosage to 20 mg about three months ago.

You are in a lonely place right now, but remember that you are not alone. I think it's true that, for most of us who suffer from clinical depression, the medication thing takes a while to get right. I had to try several antidepressants till I found one that I could live with.<br />
<br />
It doesn't help to tell you to be patient--not when you're feeling so miserable--and yet that is the best advice I can give you. Perhaps you should take your therapist's advice about increasing the meds for now and see what happens. <br />
<br />
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.