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Nov 20th, 2007
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W
ell, it's four o'clock in the morning and I am online researching how to make this depression go away. I google and google and I find this website and decide to share my story. This is pretty much every night these days.
In March 2006, my friend died in an accident. I was best friends with his sister so I had no time to mourn. Instead, I was there for her. In March 2007 I had my first panic attack. It was terrifying but I think I know what it was about because of the timing. I go to school in Baltimore, MD. I am a sophomore in college. went on Paxil to help relieve these panic attacks but it made me feel dead so I went off and had bad withdrawal symptoms. Then I started feeling sad and doubting everything about myself. I felt like I was hurting inside but I didn't know why. I began to hate my school and my life and waking up in the morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep a ended up going home for a week and missing school. I went on lexapro and at first it helped amazingly. I am also in therapy. Now, I'm sad again. My therapist suggested upping my dose of lexapro to 20 mg but this scares me because I don't want to be feel dead again and have no emotions but at this point it's so ard just to get through the easiest day. Every day feels so long. I miss my old life. Please help...anything...i'm desperate. I've never felt more sad and anxious in my life.
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  | Posted Nov 20th, 2007 at 11:06AM You are in a lonely place right now, but remember that you are not alone. I think it's true that, for most of us who suffer from clinical depression, the medication thing takes a while to get right. I had to try several antidepressants till I found one that I could live with. It doesn't help to tell you to be patient--not when you're feeling so miserable--and yet that is the best advice I can give you. Perhaps you should take your therapist's advice about increasing the meds for now and see what happens. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.   |
 | Posted Dec 28th, 2007 at 7:12PM I know exactly how you are feeling. I've battles anxiety and depression for quite some time now. My one word of advice: up your meds to 20 mg. I had doubts about doing it too, but honestly it was a great decision. There is a very small chance you will even have side effects. I'm on lexapro too and it's working great, I increased the dosage to 20 mg about three months ago. |
 | Posted Aug 13th, 2008 at 9:40AM I'm sorry that you're not feeling well. I've taken Cymbalta before. It worked for a few months, but the numb feeling was more than I could bear. Unfortunately, it has substantial withdrawal symptoms. In order to successfully get off of this drug, I had to wean off over a period of months. Anyway, this is not about me. It's about you. And I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time of it. I don't have any sage advice to offer, just my sympathies and me well-wishes for you. |
 | Posted Aug 17th, 2008 at 1:12PM The dreadful thing about depression is that you think that it will never end. But it WILL. When things were bad for me I found that exercise (in my case long, long walks) seemed to help. Exercise produces chemicals (I don't know the scientific names) which help to lighten your mood. And a bit of prayer would help too. Very sorry that things are so bad for you. But as you will see, other people on this website have been in the darkness where you are, and they have come out of the tunnel. +2 nods |
 Feeling thankful | Posted Aug 17th, 2008 at 1:59PM When my mum died I was left to sort everything out, so I never had time to mourn. A few years later I started to have panic attacks & depression, the doctor said it was a delayed re-action. I take Propranolol for the attacks & it works great. One of the best ways to work through this is to keep talking, hopefully the therapist will help you! Good luck xox |
 | Posted Aug 20th, 2008 at 1:41PM I understand what you are going through. I as well suffer from the same. I have found a therapist that specializes in behavioral modification therapy. She works to help me get to the root problem instead of treating the symptoms. It has proven to be effective in helping me find the real cause of my depression and obsessive compulsiveness. I would highly recommend finding someone who specializes in this field. Finding the cause is the most important part. +2 nods |
 | Posted Aug 28th, 2008 at 11:26AM Dear depressionhurts98, My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Please forgive yourself. Your fears, guilt, anger, etc...drive these self destructive feelings that cause panic attacks, difficulty sleeping, etc. I would like to recommend that you read "My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. Through her experience with losing her left brain function temporarily after a stroke at 37 years of age, she gained wonderful insights and learned that "the feeling of nirvana is never more than a mere thought away. By stepping to the right of our left brains, we can all uncover the feelings of well-being and peace that are so often sidelined by our own brain chatter...deep internal peace truly is accessible to anyone at anytime (Bolte-Taylor, 2006). |
| Posted Aug 30th, 2008 at 11:23AM what is this depression about???? what unresolved issues do you have here... could it be that your best friend died and you took advantage of hes sister in her time of need????? read between the lines... and you are feeling guilty about it... get really ******* pissed say sorry to your mate yourself and his sister in your mind and ******* move on... learn your lesson... and you will be fine.... i love you... |
 | Posted Feb 20th, 2009 at 6:35AM I know exactly how you feel. I too have situational anxiety and depression. Sometimes the days and the pain never seem to end. I am also (fortunately and unfortunately) a doctor. Lexapro helps make more good hormones in your brain, but after a while your brain can get used to them or you just may be more depressed. I think you should increase your dose to 20 mg. I am also on lexapro. Two years ago I started it and had to increased it to 20 mg within 6 months. I felt like I was going backwards. I felt better on the 20 mg and I'm now almost off off lexapro all together. I know what this feels like so please don't feel alone. I remember so many lonely fearful nights of crying and despair with no one there for me. I don't want that for you. Go out, take walks, eat chocolate, pray, do whatever used to make you happy. It takes a while but you can be yourself again. And know that someone is thinking of you. +2 nods |
 | Posted Feb 20th, 2009 at 1:33PM Hey!! I wont pretend to know how you feel but my experience was that Depression was a sign, my body and mind's way of letting me know that something is terribly wrong with my envirnoment/lifestyle and a change MUST come if I am to grow and be at peace. My Doctor said gave me the best ever advice when she said the anti-depressants are just a crutch - if you dont sort the actual issues then there is no guarantee that things will sort themselves out. My advice to you is to try and learn from the situation - embrace it instead of trying to run from it. There are vital lessons and experiences you can draw strength from. I believe your body will always act to protect itself - i.e. you- from danger or harmful stuff by giving you signals and signs... Listen and embrace them; in the end only you know what is good for you. Stay blessed and live strong!! |
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