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Depression/Anxiety

Well, it's four o'clock in the morning and I am online researching how to make this depression go away. I google and google and I find this website and decide to share my story. This is pretty much every night these days.

In March 2006, my friend died in an accident. I was best friends with his sister so I had no time to mourn. Instead, I was there for her. In March 2007 I had my first panic attack. It was terrifying but I think I know what it was about because of the timing. I go to school in Baltimore, MD. I am a sophomore in college. went on Paxil to help relieve these panic attacks but it made me feel dead so I went off and had bad withdrawal symptoms. Then I started feeling sad and doubting everything about myself. I felt like I was hurting inside but I didn't know why. I began to hate my school and my life and waking up in the morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep a ended up going home for a week and missing school. I went on lexapro and at first it helped amazingly. I am also in therapy. Now, I'm sad again. My therapist suggested upping my dose of lexapro to 20 mg but this scares me because I don't want to be feel dead again and have no emotions but at this point it's so ard just to get through the easiest day. Every day feels so long. I miss my old life. Please help...anything...i'm desperate. I've never felt more sad and anxious in my life.

depressionhurts98 depressionhurts98 19-21, F 71 Responses Nov 20, 2007

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Depresion is a sign, like anxiety, it is a opportunity to dig deep find answers and set up your life in the right way or to die trying. The road is long, the victory is sweet

Some additional things you could try, if you haven't already.

Exercise - this will emit endorphins which are a natural tranquilizer.

When the anxiety starts try to count backwards from 100 by 3's. The idea of this is to get control over the attack, before it controls you.

Stay away from caffeine and sugar..has those up and downs you know and try to eat a healthy diet.

Vitamin D which many people lack. You can get a blood test to find out what your levels are at but check with your insurance. The lab work is like 250.00 and some, like mine, don't cover it. But will cover the vitamin D when wrote as a prescription (crazy I think). Here is a link for information on vitamin D and also on how to save on it. http://www.pharmacydrugguide.com/Vitamin_D_Coupons

You can look into a quality antioxidant and mineral supplement and you can also look into B vitamins.

Stay strong and keep fighting back.

"Yudhishthira said, 'Tell me, O grandsire, by what frame of soul should one kill one's grief when one loses one's wealth, or when one's wife, or son, or sire, dies.'

http://www.sacred-texts.com/hin/m12/m12b001.htm

I feel the same way right now I just didn't know how to explain it. Literally everyday is annoying & I always feel like no one understands. My counselor thinks I should take antidepressants too because I'm getting worse & the counseling alone isn't helping. I have thoughts of wanting to die everyday & it feels like everyday is a fight & I can't be happy here. I'm not sure of what you should do because I feel stuck myself. I feel trapped in this life & there's nothing I can do about it. I'm about to be 19 years old in July & I already feel like my life is about to be over rather than it just beginning. I've stopped self harming but I'm not even proud of myself because I still have urges to do it so bad like I never stopped & I know when I eventually self harm again, & I know I will, I won't be able to stop. Please just make sure you get all the help you can get because now I'm doing the same. Just be open to what ever your therapist recommends because they are there to help you.

<p>I would definitely talk about your feelings and let that mourning out. That might be the root of your depression, and depression can build on depression. Honestly, I think depression is caused by chemical imbalances, which not only occur in response to situations, but in accordance to how instensly we respond to these situations. (i think those who are sensitive, might be more prone to developing depression; our chemicals can get screwed up. ) ik that at least for me negative thoughts, such I was stupid and different from other ppl because of my adhd, and gave me self confidence issues, and anxiety and depression soon followed especially when I found out that what I had was actually termed, "ADHD".</p><p>But anyways I wish you the best of luck in recovering, and I hope you can try to speak out about what causes these negative feelings, in the first place. </p><p>For me medications just seem to work for a bit, but then plateau. <br />
I am so excited because I might do this neuropsychology thing where they take pics of ur brain or something, and see what's going on. its like a study to see how work, school, life affect the brain, and how it functions concerning disorders such as ADD, anxiety, developmental disorders, seizure disorders, etc. It would be nice to see how my brain works and how its different from other peoples :)<br />
Maybe u could see what's going on in your brain, and it will help give u more data, on why u feel the way you do. I know my therapist knows a lady who's a neuropsychologist who conducts her own studies. maybe ur therapist could help you out to, and arrange for u to experience something similar xD<br />
hope this helps!</p>

I just posted this somewhere else but I feel it may give you some direction if i repost this.<br />
You are not alone in more ways than you think. THis sounds exactly like me so I can understand. I have been battling depression and anxiety for years. I have been on and off medication for about 12 years! I was at the end of my rope literally. But I came through it and now I am finding so much happiness in my life. I still have bad days but not compared to what I experienced. The way I manage my problems is through meditation and trying to live in the present. this sounds cliche but it really works for depression and anxiety. THere is hope. Therapist were always trying to build my self esteem. I kept trying to find and build coping mechanism to counter my self hatred. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. If you practice living in the present you stop labeling yourself. Your past fades away and there is a feeling of living and no need for self esteem. you are perfect right now!!!!! Imagine each second as something new. It took a few months of meditating everyday for about 15 minutes to see some results. Right away, I started sleeping beeter. I was an insomniac for years. Three years of daily meditation has made me a more confident person without even trying to be. I still struggle with self image problems but I am handling them in a different way. Instead of trying to think of all my good qualities I focus on the moment and the feeling of depression fade away into the background and I can be myself. Also, once you learn how to make your mind quiet your realize how connected we all are and your lonliness will lesson. When I was younger i felt so tired emotionally. I felt that I was on a great walk with no place to rest. I just wanted to ffall down. In meditation, I have found a little oasis, a resting place, sometimes i have such hard days but now I have hope because I know that there is a small resting place for me where once there were none. For those of us on medication, there is no reason to change. Just add meditation to your daily dose. Hope this helps and remember you are not alone!

If you ever need to talk, please just message me!

If you ever need to talk, please just message me!

You're asking for help and I'm so proud of you, it's so hard to reach out when you're in the dark place.<br />
<br />
Not all medicines will make you feel dead inside, please keep trying to find the right medication. The right meds give you support and a bit of clarity to start uncovering what's truly making you feel this way and why. <br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you, I've been right there and it's so hard. I went on Cipralex and it's given me the strength to start dispersing the fog of misery and self-loathing via Psychotherapy.<br />
<br />
I'm in no way cured and my relationships with people are strained but every week I develop my ability to connect and feel a little more like a part of society. Write me and I'll write you back :) never give up.

most depression is from situation very few are chemical and as bad as we hate having to re do our lives . only you can change. i am fighting it cause spouse addict. i am fifty two and work work work. alone but in time when god sees it ready hopefully will send me some people to keep company

I used to think this whole anxiety and depression thing was just a convenience people used to get out of work or etc. Guess thats why we should never judge before we walk in someone's shoes because I entered the ER with a possible heart attack and came out with a diagnosis of anxiety and depression. I was shocked I could feel this way. And Why? This was last December, I am on my third antidepressant now, somethings have improved, I am so blah I just want to sleep or do nothing, seems like I just want everything to go away, so I sleep. If I don't I will think and then I will cry and cry and cry. I have been unemployed since june of 08. This has not helped either. But I liked the lexapro then to but it was not covered by insurance. This one now is Vybrid, which was working, but yes I am sad again. But with what I am reading here i am going to see if they have approved them now and change. I had felt so alone until I found this site. I felt I could not trust anyone to tell how I was feeling. Thanks.

Don't give up. If you have a good doctor who is willing to try different meds with you, you will get through this and maybe be able to go off the meds eventually. Each med affects each person differently, so don't just read up on a med and give up before you have tried it. You WILL come out of this! But...it's terrible while you are going through it, I know.

i suffer from anxiety and depression as well. im still a wreck but i find things like working out at the gym or taking a walk by myself or taking a hot bath calms me down. my issue is i have no way to vent my anger and pain. im still not sure as how to. i always want to run to achole or drugs. which is not the way to go. i was on zoloft for a while and i felt like a zombie..it took my bad days away but it also took all my good days away. i was flat. i had no feelings at all. i just didnt care about life. then i was on paxil. it helped for awhile but i kept having to up my dosage so i just kind of quit. then i had bad side affects from not weaning myself off of the meds. as far as for my panic attacks i took klonopins as needed for panic attacks and they worked wonderfully. i would calm down immidiatly. but everyday is a struggle. especially since i am no longer on any of these medications and im sure there is a med out tthere that would work for me..i just havent found it yet. my best friend is on paxil and it works wonderful for her. but its just not for me. so everyday i just need to find things to calm me down when i get worked up or upset. i just think physical activity helps alottt. and eating right. having a healthy diet and eating regularly. your body will feel better too. which will then make your mind feel a little bit better. i dont have much advice for you. because i still suffer everyday. just try and do little things that calm you down. light some candles in your house at night. watch a movie you love. listen to your favorite song. take a hot bath. go for a walk. those things seem to calm me down a littl bit. good luck. it sucks i know. your deffintly not alone.

i suffer from anxiety and depression as well. im still a wreck but i find things like working out at the gym or taking a walk by myself or taking a hot bath calms me down. my issue is i have no way to vent my anger and pain. im still not sure as how to. i always want to run to achole or drugs. which is not the way to go. i was on zoloft for a while and i felt like a zombie..it took my bad days away but it also took all my good days away. i was flat. i had no feelings at all. i just didnt care about life. then i was on paxil. it helped for awhile but i kept having to up my dosage so i just kind of quit. then i had bad side affects from not weaning myself off of the meds. as far as for my panic attacks i took klonopins as needed for panic attacks and they worked wonderfully. i would calm down immidiatly. but everyday is a struggle. especially since i am no longer on any of these medications and im sure there is a med out tthere that would work for me..i just havent found it yet. my best friend is on paxil and it works wonderful for her. but its just not for me. so everyday i just need to find things to calm me down when i get worked up or upset. i just think physical activity helps alottt. and eating right. having a healthy diet and eating regularly. your body will feel better too. which will then make your mind feel a little bit better. i dont have much advice for you. because i still suffer everyday. just try and do little things that calm you down. light some candles in your house at night. watch a movie you love. listen to your favorite song. take a hot bath. go for a walk. those things seem to calm me down a littl bit. good luck. it sucks i know. your deffintly not alone.

I too am up at 4:00 a.m. googling "sad, lonely and depressed". I have been on several types of medication in my life and am currently on Cipralex, which has lost it's efficacy over the past few weeks. I can't sleep and can hardly drag myself out of bed. I am nearly 29 and cannot ever recall a time in my life where I have not suffered from severe depression, which has gotten worse over the past few years as my trusted, lifelong Family Doctor retired. I have tried many coping methods and after reading a post on here have decided to try to get to the root of the problem. All of your kind words, while not directed to me, have helped me more that I can say and given me renewed hope that I too will be happy someday soon. God bless you all and thank you for representing humanity with such kindness, caring and sympathy for your fellow mankind. You are all truly good samaritans.

Hi,<br />
I have gone through some terrible anxiety myself. I remember in high-school I had such an anxiety that I could not even go to school. Depressein is something I am struggling with as well. Do you think you have kept a lot inside and it just wants out!!!??

I really feel for you - I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, and sometimes depression, for many years. I, like many other people, am living proof that these are NOT incurable diseases - people DO get better and recover completely, people DO get their lives back. One of the things that helped me was reading a writer called Anthony de Mello - he was a Christian, a Jesuit priest, but also drew a lot on eastern philosophies. I don't subscribe to any particular faith these days, but still find de Mello's philosophy helpful. There's a really great book called 'Awareness', which is basically a transc<x>ript of some of his talks and very inspiring. One of the things he has to say about depression and anxiety is that we shouldn't 'identify' with those feelings - when we say things like 'I'm depressed' or 'I'm anxious', we are basically labelling ourselves as a depressed or anxious individual - and there's a danger that we write ourselves off as a hopeless case. When you stop to think about it, all feelings pass, they come and go like the clouds in the sky - we are NOT our feelings, they are not an intrinsic part of us. We have anxious feelings, we have low moods - but they are NOT who we are. I've also found it helpful not to fight those feelings, because that just makes them worse - we always empower what we resist. Just try accepting that, at the moment, you have these feelings, but this is just a bad phase you're going through right now - like everything else, it will pass. You'll be ok - you ARE ok. I wish you well.

You're not alone!!! I also have depression + anxiety. and it's hard!!!! I also recently lost a friend, but we weren't very close. And i struggle in school too. Insomnia and mood swings seem to be getting the best of me.

Hi, wow so many comments. Today i finally saw the light. I have been in depression since a child. Many bad years of abuse. But after all this information i finally decided it's over. I do not want to cry anymore. I am not going to let the enemy take over. That's what he wants is for us to be miserable. I started walking about 2 weeks ago. It really does work. And i want to start taking differant classes. I too believe that will work. Staying home and thinking too much is really unhealthy. Get out, go get a message, go buy yourself something. As far as anxiety attacks. I use to get them from driving in the city and going in any new restaurant or store. I went to 4 hypnosis session and i no longer have anxiety attacks. As far as meds i was on them 2 times.I think they are good for a little while to get you out of the really deep depression, but i think the rest is up to you. You have to deal with reality. I was so happy when i was on them, so i wanted everyone else to be happy to so i lent out a lot of money and rented out my house. Things i never would never have done off of them. I had no feelings. I was never mad , sad, only happy, which is good to an extend, but than you have to come down and accually face life. One day you will say that's enough i don't want this anymore. I wish you luck!!!

Really sorry to hear what you are going through. As you can see, so many people are here to support you and understand how you feel. I wonder if you have had any nutritional advice from your doctors? There is now a huge amount of scientific evidence to support the use of various supplements especially the omega 3 fatty acids EPA and DHA. There is evidence that suggests it works as well as antidepressants for many people. A B vitamin complex as well as vitamin D is also often useful. Walking helps too. A very close friend of mine is a registered nutritionist with a masters degree in nutritional medicine. She has written a lot about depression on this blog:<br />
http://blog.bodykind.com/?s=depression Here are two links specifically to some information about the omega 3 fats:<br />
http://blog.bodykind.com/2010/10/11/increasing-evidence-for-omega-3-fatty-acid-use-in-depression/<br />
http://blog.bodykind.com/2010/07/05/new-study-suggests-omega-3-fats-may-be-helpful-for-those-suffering-with-major-depression/<br />
<br />
She has her own website now which is still in the set up stages but might help you<br />
www.vitalitywithin.com<br />
<br />
I have a blog that I write about my own personal journey toward finding inner peace, feel free to have a read www.worldpeaceisinevitable.com<br />
<br />
Wishing you all the best<br />
Namaste

maybe try a natural remedy...you know lots of diseases mimic depression so can vitamin and mineral deficiancies, doctors just want to keep you sick and paying for meds also, get just enough sleep like seven or eight hours and eat a healthy diet lots of fruits, greens and seeds you'll be amazed at how much these things affect your mood seriously...I'm on my way to battling my depression...I think i got mine cuz the family dog had to be given away, then she got run over and the other one in the same year that was my dad's dog had to be put down because his lymph node cancer got so bad....a lot of bad things seemed to happen in the year of 2010 for me anyways. hope this helps you as much as it is me. cheers!

The day came when I realized I had been having panic attacks, in one form or another, since childhood. In the last 25 years I have worked with about a half dozen therapists, have been on Xanax for a while, have taken Welbutrin for 10 years, and I've concluded that the best thing to do for anxiety and depression is talk it out. It's expensive, it's lengthy, I get sick of it and depressed just thinking of how long I've been in therapy, but in the end, it works. I hope it works for you.

it will be alright because even though it seems like you are in a dark and empty place right now, you have to keep on moving because it will get better. Your view of the world is distorted by depression that you CAN fight. it feels like no one could ever understand the pain you feel and how much hate you feel but you are not alone and the rest of us are here to support you. do what you normally like to do and when you feel down, know that people care about you and someone is thinking about you :)

Well let me tell you dat wen starded havin anxiety atacks n it was the worst feelin ever <br />
Then the depression came and i didnt know what to do..i would cry all day n night because<br />
I didnt knw what was wrong, then i talk to my bf about it n he help me alot..we would go out <br />
The whole day to keep me distracted We would go back to the house at night time when i was <br />
N right away fall asleep, it took me a while but thats what help me get over my depression..goin out<br />
The whole day to get distracted.<br />
N prayin ALOT

I really hate these ppl that tell you to exercise more or find the root of the problem blah blah. Lemme blow my brain out and hand it to you. Maybe now you can get out of your mr knowitall self righteousness miserable self and think to yourself... Maybe we thought of all those things already.

I am always depressed. Can't get rid of it. Tried meds and it makes me worse. I have no friends. My husband is the only person that is there for me. Then he goes to work and I am all alone. Family has totally walked away from me. People I thought were my friends won't answer the phone or answer emails. I get rejected on FB. I am useless and helpless.

i too have suffered depression, and anxiety.now that i know what it is, i realize, it started in my teen years.went on medication that made me drool,made me feel crazier than i was. threw them in the trash.mabe what you are suffering from is more than me, and dont think im making fun of you in any way, but when i start feeling bad, i smoke pot. i dont abuse pot, but it helps me. you also need to realize that life is what it is,we cant change it, you can let it bring you down or let it make you stronger, that helps me to remind myself of that. also, do you have a religion? finding faith in jesus, talking to him helps me.

please help, i am ill and hurt my mum who had cancer and wipe poo on the walls because i have suffered 3 years i should i have the motivation to do this i want to be well i am not the kind of person to give up like this

i suffer too, the advise can offer is this. having done all that research u should be aware of a couple of things:<br />
1-researchers will be the first to tell u that depression meds, for the most part, have little effect <br />
2-if meds offer any relief it is for a short peroid of time and should ONLY be used in conjunction with therapy<br />
3-doc's will continue to up your meds for as long as u ask them to (not a good thing)<br />
4-u may want to rethink changing meds (duration without relief)= time to no that current med not working (weeks or monts)--time to detox from current med (weeks or months) time to allow new med to take effect (weeks or months)--all this time u will be without relief from your depression.<br />
All i'm saying is to be sure it's the meds that need changing: there may be something u personally can change, and u may want to re-evaluate the effectiveness of your current therapist. changing docs is as also an option. u have alot to consider, the battle is long and hard pace your self, and good luck,,, i feel ya

Saw your story featured on front page here at E.P. !<br />
<br />
Rotten to be awake at 4.00 a.m., boring and tiring. I'm sure you are doing a lot of the right things already, exploring medication and having a go at therapy ? Both can sometimes make you feel worse, before getting better. Therapy is renowned for getting you all stirred up - that is the point of it.<br />
<br />
Keep up the good work, and just take it a day at a time ?<br />
<br />
Message if you want ?<br />
<br />
Cheers, T.C.