I Need Somebody

I am truly truly lonely ... and it has resulted in me having to battle depression constantly. Everything is not right in my life right now. My husband is far away in another country. My son is with me, but he's only 11. I need adult companionship. I need a friend, I need intimacy, I need someone to talk to, I need someone who is willing to help me, I need someone ... I need help.

I have tried counselling, but it did not help. The counsellor was not able to help me achieve what I need and it left me feeling like maybe she felt I was wasting her time with all the nonsense i told her. I am currently on study leave from work. I'm studying for my PhD. i chose this University because it's supposed to be among the best in my field of research, but I can't even get a lousy work station at school to do my work. I can't focus at home ... and all my supervisor said when I told him i needed a permanent work station for me to do my work is ... just go to the library. Well, it's not convenient for me!!! I don't want to lug all my thick books to the library everyday!!. There are also not enough or no books which I need in the library. My supervisor won't even support my proposal for the school or my research centre to buy the books ... I would buy them myself , but they are just too darn expensive!!

I seriously am worried and I feel like I am not able to finish my PhD if this goes on any longer and there is nobody who is willing to help me. Everybody in my life wants me to succeed, but nobody can give me the support that I need. I feel like jumping into the lake behind my house and just be done with all these ****** things in my life!!

I don't have any friends because people from my own country are just selfish and judgmental and the locals   are just not interested with making friends with an Asian lady who does not drink for fear that a person from a developing country might take advantage of them, citizens of this developed but spiritually weak country. I need adult companionship, I need male companionship, i need a good man to just hug and kiss me and tell me that I am attractive and that he likes me a lot and will be there for me if I need anything ... If I could buy a friend or a boyfriend, I would. I have even tried to find friends in chat rooms, but the men I meet are just sleazy and they just want to have cybersex!!! I just want to talk and establish a friendship ... is that too much to ask for???

My husband does not know this, but I have been ************ whilst watching **** and even that does not help! I need a man's loving touch!! I need to feel safe and wanted.

I can't wait anymore!!! I can't be patient!! I just want to be selfish!! I want to just scream and wish that all the people who have hurt me would just die a horrible and humiliating death which would give me some satisfaction!!!!! I want to get out of this sickening and stifling environment!!!!

 

midniteorchid midniteorchid
36-40, F
4 Responses Mar 7, 2010

Hello Orchid,
How are you doing, it's been long I was last here.I feel for you and wish can do something for you. I have been without female companionship for many years and know the feeling of emptiness. we can correspond here to alleviate our feelings. How has the PhD gone.
Bye and take care.

Ok im here. Lay it all on me cuz im all ears.

Midniteorchid, I feel for you, empathize . I am lonely, miss the emotional connection, touch and feeling which can give life some meaning . You can count on me, write here , express feelings. It helps me somewhat to know someone will "listen"-read. Best wishes to you,.e-mail hug.

yyeah, i know what you mean, its horrible been there, it feels like a prision or a cage, and people are just so damn stupid, i mean, you try to find someone to be good simple friends with but they are just so selfish!, im obviously on another country but in the cities everyone behaves the same, you just cant try to mmove against the masses wave or you will be outcasted, i think i was trying to find for someone good as friend and a girlfriend for so many years untill i just gave up saying that there is no sense of it or hope, i supose to give an advice or something but being realistic its very lucky the one that gets out of this one situation.<br />
i dont know, i wish you the best, and i hope (hmm, hope) that all this mean people of the world burn in a horrible punishement in front of my/our eyes.