Severely Depressed For 4 Months

In September, I started feeling sad and slow and just depressed. I have experienced this before, so I figured positive thought and motivation would help. But one month later, I didn't feel better. Two months later, I felt worse. I have already had a counselor, I had been seeing her for a year. I had been on an antidepressant for five years. At month three I started seeing a nurse practitioner to help me "tweak" my meds and get me on the right track. It's month 4 now, I'm on five meds and not feeling much better. I was asked not to come back to work until I felt better. I burned myself when I got the news, but I'm glad it's happened. I have been doing my best to relax, spending time at libraries. Staying as calm as possible. I'm just feeling like I'm hitting a brick wall and I'm not moving up. I'm not getting better. I've been semi-diagonosed with bi-polar II disorder, or soft bi-polar. I do have amazing support from family and friends that I've never reached out to before but this time I have and it's been amazing. I am just tired of disappointing everyone around me. I'm just tired of what is going on in my head. And to be honest I've never understood what having a mental illness meant or even was, and here I am in the very midst.
luckycharm717 luckycharm717
31-35, F
Dec 7, 2012