Depressed Me

I have been fighting with depression and suicide for the past five years.  My 15 year old soon died in December of 2005. He choked at school.  I have also been struggling with the fact of me and my family being homeless for the past three years and my husband not finding me attractive to my 17 year old not wanting to be in my home and becoming a ward of the state so out of 7 children I am down to 5 and trying to cope with having to be in hell and not having anyway to get out.  i think about suicide often now more than before.  I have tried but I guess I didn't try hard enough.  I dreamed last night that I saw me put a gun to my head and shot myself.  I saw the bullet wound which was so clean there was no blood coming out.  I am fat  and ugly.  I don't believe my husband is in love with me anymore.  I feel as though what is my purpose.  I can't talk about it anymore, it is too much I have to stop.
or69 or69
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 23, 2010

How are you now or69? xxx