Divorce Is The Devil

Here we go. I have been through way too much, I'm only 15 and I'm depressed, have an eating disorder, have post traumatic stress disorder and many anxiety problems that I don't even know what to think or call them. I act okay on the outside.. but everyday, I just want to cry. Don't get me wrong, I have many moments where I go "Whoa, I really should love my life." In those moments with parents, friends, or even pets. Those moments where you feel happy for that split second and just take it all in. When you want to run and skip down your street at midnight, spoon with your best friend at a sleepover, or laugh histarically with your parents. THOSE are the moments I live for. Anyways, I have told my parents about my depression, and they understand I guess. I don't like to talk to them about it too much, cause I don't want them to feel quilty. They are in the process of a divorce, and my Mom is also just getting sober after hell of 3 years when she was an angry, raging alcoholic. Its too much for me to take in. Frequent anxiety, crying, and over eating occur in my daily life. I have had many panic/anxiety attacks and it emotionally drains me, but how else will I get out my frustration? I saw a therapist once, and I didn't feel comfortable with her. So I just stopped seeing her. I do not attend Al Anon meetings. I'm not ready for that whatsoever. I'm afraid I would freak out in front of everybody and start breaking down crying. Depression is the hardest thing I have ever went through. I'm still going through it. I feel like I have so many things to fix in my life. My relationship with my parents, my parents relationship, my weight, my way of thinking, my personality.. Battling depression on your own sucks. I need help.
whatiamontheinside whatiamontheinside
3 Responses Jul 8, 2010

i feel for you and i hope your doing better now. if your every feeling down just think of all the people that love you and try to reming yourself that without you here many people wouldn't be happy x

Apologies for the late post.<br />
You sound like you've been through a tough time. I myself have suffered from depression for a good part of my life, I guess I must have been roughly your age when it started. There was a time when I would let no-one see me like that, not even a hint of it...just smiled and carried on even though I was dying inside...<br />
Long story short, I can't say its easy but you will get there...I think those who have been depressed can see the beauty of everything so much easier after it has subsided.<br />
Try talking to friends, you dont have to let it all out at once, piece by piece...you will feel much better trust me, and you dont have the awkwardness of talking with strangers.<br />
I hope this has helped, if even a little.<br />
You're not alone in this.

You shouldn't have to face this on your own. You have so much going any one of those issues would be more than enough for anyone to cope with. Try your doctor again and ask to be refered to someone else, I had a similer experience in not feeling comfortable with a therapist and was refered elsewhere. Don't withdraw into yourself, talk to a freind, or relative that you can trust. Just try to break the cycle, be strong. Best of luck. M.