Chasing Something Real Or A Ghost?
What if you're all mixed up and don't know what's up or down anymore and you chase after someone for something that existed long ago? How do you know if it's right? It's a hurt that hasn't gone away- ever. I used to have a family a long time ago. I loved, LOVED, my wife and my son. Losing them (although my son is with me now, again) broke me in a way I could never piece together again, no matter how hard I tried. And I tried so hard to put my life back together. But I see now how all the major decisions of my life after were severely impacted and skewed by this event. My bout with alcoholism, dysfunction (yes, of THAT kind), poor relationship skills, another marriage that was choppy at best and stormy at worst. Enlisting in the Army, then going back in again (that actually was a pretty good decision, miss my old unit). Now, seperated and pending divorce, my finances and credit is absolutely destroyed. But I was the one that made these decisions. So why do I let it color all these decisions? Why do I still chase after something that imploded a long time ago? What is wrong with me?