I Am Losing This Fight, A Little More, Everyday...I try so hard. I refuse to wallow in the way I feel, but some days ( most days, some weeks), it is too much.
I feel alone. I feel lost... sick, tired, hurt, hollow, worthless, cut-off - and sometimes, like I deserve every last little bit of it.
I am running out of hope. I am running out of my will to fight this. It really does feel like a battle most days, and it is a battle I am losing.
Occasionally I will have a couple of good days. I get up and out, do things, feel hopeful and happy. These days just make the bad one's feel worse. Makes the fall back into the darkness that much worse.
I go to work. I make small talk. I smile and laugh and joke. I do my best to not infect the people around me with my pain.
But, in the end, that just leaves me feeling even more alone.