This Monster That's Called Depression

I used to be a happy laughin lad. But cruel circumstances in my personal life 3 years ago changed my view of life now. have been suffering from depression, loneliness and anxiety attacks for the past 3 years now. I tried to fight it with all my might but sometimes i feel that it is just a losing battle for me. No light at the end of the tunnel for me after 3 years now. I tried to be positive about life, and even being happy for a few minutes is a welcome relief for me against my depression. I keep myself occupied by being with my mates and havin a laugh with them, but then loneliness and depression creeps in again when my mates gone back home to their families. I tried to find peace and solace in feeding those poor stray cats and dogs on the streets at nite. It brought a smile for me joy each time this poor animals shows me their affection when i feed them. I guess I should be grateful for just being alive.. The positive thing is this ordeal has given me the mental strength that In the past one of the attributes that i dont possesed. But then again its very tiring and taxing for me physically and mentally. But life still has to go on, and I hope that one day happiness conquers my life again.. But then again the light at the end of the tunnel still eludes me.
yazed yazed
31-35, M
1 Response Jul 10, 2010

I was prone to clinical depression over the years and was treated for it.<br />
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I had no idea how low I'd be brought back then......<br />
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Long story short; I have a degenerative spinal disorder that has rendered me subject to constant pain. <br />
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From being a really active person, used to walking in the hills and valleys, to devouring the housework without a thought, I've been reduced to a pain-ridden lump. <br />
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I get very little sleep, my house is going to dust and mess, and I can barely get out of BED some days, never mind do the walking I used to enjoy.<br />
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I don't drive, so most of the time, I'm satuck at home, waiting for hubby to be free from work to take me anywhere I need to go.<br />
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I'm being treated now for reavctive depression.<br />
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Not the same as the clinical variety, but, nonetheless, it affects my every waking moment.<br />
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I am exhausted by lack of sleep, in thrall to the pain and sick of being a guinea pig for the latest pain meds......