Finding Friendship

For the past 10 years i have battled depression. I am 41 years old and due to feeling this way i find it incredibly hard make friends  due to sometimes being badly  let down by the very people who were closest to me.  Most of the time i wear my "Happy Mask" which often hides from others how i really feel inside but i long for the day when real happiness becomes a reality!
oscarthecat oscarthecat
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2010

Hi,<br />
My wife and I have depression. We have no friends of substance, after they all left us because of our illness. That really hurts, since we are a friendly and generous couple. But we have eachother and our closest family. But that sometimes doesn't feel like enough. Do you know what I mean?<br />
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We are both in our 50s and it seems that our lives are just wasting away. The health professionals we encounter don't seem interested. They just go through the motions without ever seeming to really care about getting our lives back. Our trust in them is very low.<br />
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Our 'happy masks' are wearing a bit thin now. Not sure where we get new ones from, or even if we want them any more.<br />
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Sorry for sounding negative, but that's our reality.

Hi, I too have also battled depression believe it or not for the same length of time. I currently take 2 Fluoxetine a day which I suppose keeps me on an even keel. It started when I was on the verge of losing my sight and had to have surgery. Suddenly all the friends and work colleagues I had, and even some family, didn't understand what I was going through, nor cared enough despite my being there through all their troubles. They didn't even drift off one by one over time, they just disappeared and that was that.<br />
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After having a complete breakdown, I managed to come through it after 2 years, but it took me up until 2 years ago to get myself back together. I too wore a mask, and for a long time I hid behind it, because it was a comfort. I am changed because of it, not because of the breakdown or depression, but by the disloyalty of people I thought I could count on, who turned out to be fair weather friends who I now see as being completely selfish.<br />
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I haven't really got friends now, and I'm happy to talk to people on-line because I know where I am with that. It's easier and it's on my own terms. It hasn't made me antisocial I will chat with my neighbours when I see them, or even when I'm in hospital, but I don't pursue a life long friendship, because my faith in people has been shattered over the years, with how they can take from you over and over again, but when you need them they are gone without a thought.<br />
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I'm happy with my family and my pets, and most of all I'm happy with my own company. Be happy with yourself and forget about the people who have hurt you, don't let them take any more from you, than they already have. Everyday is a new day so take things one day at a time. I feel for you I really do, because I have been where you are now, and I know how it hurts.<br />
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Please stay in touch with me and feel free to contact me anytime.<br />
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Best Wishes I'm thinking of you.

Depression is not any easy thing to deal with. I have good day's and I have bad day's. Putting on my Happy Mask really only help's those around me, but not me. I am my own worst enemy when I am at my worst and no mask can stop it. Those around me including family dont understand what is inside me, they can only see what they can see. I try to avoid people on my bad day's. I cant blame them to an extent in avoiding me somtime's because when I am having one of my day's it is easy for me to say hurtfull thing's as I get very short. I dont mean to hurt them but I do. No one like's to be hurt, so they avoid me. I know the minute I wake up that it is here and if I can I try to find thing's to do by myself, does this help me " No " but at least I am not hurting other's that dont understand.<br />
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EP is a help, I can talk to people without facing them. I dont have to explain myself to them. It is an outlet. I have said some dumb thing's here and there but I dont think that I have hurt anyone. I talk a lot with God when I feel I have no one else to talk to and it get's rid of some of the pressure. If you need to let off some steam, fuss at somone or what ever I am in and out on here.. Fire me off an email or white board and I promise I will take no offence to anything. Somtime's we just need to unload. You will find some great people on here if you look that DO understand and will share their time with you. You are not alone. God Bless.