Not Becoming Pregnant Is Making Depression More Regular

I have finally gotten to the point in my life that I am ready to settle down and become pregnant. I got off of birth control two years ago but have only been actively trying to conceive in the past two months. Last month I went into a big depression and didn't know why. After talking with a friend it dawned on me that it happened right after I started my period and realized I wasn't pregnant. Now my husband doesn't know I'm trying, he would always say it isn't the right time. So, I just took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Now I'm f'in depressed again. Lethargic, can't smile, don't wanna try. Don't wanna talk. Using my voice takes energy. I can't be fake. Called out of work already. I'm a therapist and can't fake caring about others problems when I'm feeling like this. Can't tell my husband what is sparking my depression. He already has a hard time understanding depression and gets mad when I'm honest and say I'm feeling depressed. It ****** me off. I feel like I don't have support. I really need it. I know this won't last too long but it is so hard to go through at the moment. I also worry that if, when I do get pregnant that I will suffer post partum depression. Sorry for ranting but I'm lost right now. I guess this is going to be a monthly occurence for me until I do become pregnant. Ugh!
margievela margievela
26-30, F
Jul 12, 2010