Why ?

I woke up this morning and knew it was here. I'm tired, really tired. I want to sleep all the time and yet I hate going to bed. These new pill's I take have not stopped my bad dream but have added stupid dream's with it. I think the doctor messed somthing up on my operation because I am having pain where I did not have it before. Is it me or is it in my mind. I am sitting here shaking as I stare at the screen. I dont want to live the rest of my life this way. Why wont god just bring me home ? I'm tired.
Robert1256 Robert1256
51-55, M
2 Responses Jul 13, 2010

I know how you feel Robert, for a long time I analysed my life over and over again trying to find what it was I had done to make it so hard, unbearable and at times lonely. I'm living a life I never pictured for myself, after going from fit, healthy and fully employed in a job I loved, to this person who has bad days and good and is no longer able to work. After much soul searching, tears and rage, I knew I had to look at it with different eyes.<br />
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So each night I wrote myself a mantra and put it by my bed, something like " tomorrow I will survive my pain" things like that. Each night I would read them before going to sleep and remind myself I was still here for a reason what ever that reason was. This went on for sometime until one day I realised I didn't need my mantras any more, because I knew why I was here and what it was I could do, and that I decided, was to help other people by using my own experiences to help them through.<br />
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By doing this it helped me to look passed myself and my pain and anger, and to see how far I have come, and what kind of person I am. Sometimes Robert we can feel too much, and because of this people don't understand us, but I understand you, and I understand your pain.<br />
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You are here for a reason Robert, and one day it will come to you what that reason is, but until then my friend, make peace with yourself. X

i understand how you feel . all i want to do is sleep my life away .