When you look in my eyes can you see into my soul?
Can you see my cold black heart pumping poison around my body?
Do you feel despair tearing at the sump of my bowels?
Have you experienced the anguish that haunts my every thought?
Did you ever feel fear, dread, anxiety, so intense you need the courage of 1000 gladiators to steel your nerve, to do the simplist of things?
Or ache in every joint so every joint, so every movement takes a gigantic effort of epic proportion?
Could you survive the horrors of my childhood, echoing through my mind?
If you could live through all this, would you want to?
martinspinney martinspinney
41-45, M
1 Response Jul 13, 2010

First I'd like to say wow. What a way to sum up how crappy it feels to be depressed and do it beatifully. <br />
I think you have to be miserable to look into peoples souls. I know cause I've done it more then not in my life.<br />
That cold black poison can only be seen by you. Everyone else sees it as somthing else. You looking for pity or feeling sorry for yourself or just being pathetic.<br />
I have felt the despair pulling at mine but I'll never feel yours.<br />
Yes yes I have. And I kept walking and it didn't make it any better. I have hid and not done anyting and that just made it worse.<br />
Why does something that criples us emotionally hurt us physically? There is no reason and it isn't fair. I have legitmate reasons to hurt but I only hurt when my mind isn't well.<br />
I don't want to know your horrors on a personal level cause mine were more then I could deal with and they weren't that bad.<br />
My answer two months ago was no. I didn't want to live another second. Now life seems ok. Life was so bad for so long that I'm scared in a whole new way. If it falls apart now and I have hope will that be the last straw?