No Reason To Go On

I've reached a point in my life where i feel that life just inst worth living. Everyone who was supposed to love me has abandon me. My father left when i was 3 and my mother was an abusive drug addict. Im now 25 an have been living on my own for 5 years. From the outside, it seems like i should be happy. Im free from the reign of my mother, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes on my back. Yet I still am haunted by myself and my past. I feel rejected from society as if Im some kind of toxic person. Most of my friends have turned their back on me. They would rather have fun living their comfortable lives than have to deal with me. My ex-gf/best friend from a couple years ago told me today that she wants to date my good friend. I know that her social life is no longer my business but this still is a kick in the teeth to me. She didnt even try to approach me about it first. She told me after they started talking. This makes me feel like the lowest form of sh*t. This is only the tip of the iceberg. I'm feeling very alone right now so i thought i'd post something.
lonelymusic lonelymusic
22-25, M
9 Responses Jul 17, 2010

For sutaringue...<br />
You need to stop compearing your life with others ... your 18 young and an individual get a hobby what do you enjoy doing . speak louder my friend. what is it you are really feeling???

no one has to do anything , we will all find our happy place in life , its a shame that when we are on top of things we feel as though its not enough . why is this ??? . the reason is that . what ever crappy things we have done in the past will catch up with us. this is the bullshit we put into our heads. All YOU have to do is understand that you are a HUMAN and move forward . one step at a time . it is only then that you will relise that you are all you can be.

Wen it comes to frnds... Its the same thing here.. There are no real friends wit me. They talk to me juz becos they need me... Ur on ur own bro... Thts far more better

Now that we have a clearer picture, let me say your circle is too small Bro .<br />
Too close.. both personal and professional.<br />
I work in the entertainment field and can tell you the graveyards are filled with frustrated , confused and depressed musicians.Alot of it comes with being a creative individual ,it's not a curse..it's a gift.<br />
Dont waste it...change your life for the better.<br />
Dont romance the past ..it's there ,accept it and move on.<br />
You and you alone can shape your future.<br />
You have not yet found your mission in life...that's whats eating away at you.<br />
It's your life..if you dont like it .do something about it ...dont end it...change it.

I truly appreciate those who shared their experiences with me. It has helped me try to accept what im feeling. However, today was much much worse. I've been in a deep depression all day. The only way i can seem to escape is by hurting myself. Which I achieve through drugs and cutting. I've told my ex how i feel (oh and i forgot to mention that she is one of my housemates). She does feel regretful about not giving me the respect of a "heads up" about the whole situation but how can I trust her at all anymore? I also forgot to mention that this guy she likes and I have been in a band together for months now. I've already told him that I have to quit the group. I feel like I am meant to be one of those people that slips through the cracks and thats exactly what is happening, little by little. I'll be fired from my job soon. My personal problems has affected my work too much for the past 2 years. Therapy hasnt worked. I'm on medication that is clearly not helping. I cant live in this house anymore with these people. I really just want it all to end but I'm not sure I can go through with it.

I have found myself lost at various times in my life.There is an answer... seek change.Your destiny may be calling you elsewhere.I understand we, as humans resist change and dont like it but ..it will lead you somewhere.Change can be done in small steps change your routine, think of something that truly interests you and seek out others with similar ideals,move ,to a different part of town or a different town completely,this can be unsettling at first but you will be rediscovering yourself at the same time.My year of being a "lost boy" was 1978 ,ten years had passed since my Father died, I moved out of our Family home and was on my own, I was having trouble with people at work, my girlfriend left (in retrospect not a bad thing ),old friends became distant and I felt as if I was invisible.Within a few months I moved again, things started rebuilding, I took on new projects, met new people,found a new girlfriend and started living again.This was years before the internet was available ..you have already reached out here..your true Friends have responded with our feelings to give you hope.You are not alone..you are with us,and we with you.

You have every right to feel pain and to feel it intensely. It would be the appropriate, natural response to a life of abuse and abandonment. Only when you have fully felt your feelings can you let them and the events that created them go. If you avoid the feelings they get stored in your body and play out in your life in different circumstances, over and over. I've just remembered my childhood. I just blacked it out. I did not want to feel it. I have been doing awareness exercises, feeling old stored panic and sadness and disappointment and finally letting it go. I'm 57. It will be nice to lead a life of new experiences. It is nice to finally have compassion for the child I was. It makes it possible for me to have compassion for others.

im sry. my life sucks too.

i live a simalar life. i am 18 and i feel like i have been abandonded by everyone.<br />
people only visit/hang around me because they have to... it's never when ever they want to.