Looseing The Will To Care

I went back to see my therapist today to talk about the little people running around inside my head. You dont really know how to explain what is going on to a person that just sit's there and shake's their head and has this blank look on their face. But then I really did not expect much to start with, I have no faith or trust in them after my first therapist told me to go home and have " happy thought's "  When I explained what was going on with the Mirtazapine he had me on, he switched me to Bupropion HCL twice a day. Set my next appointment in Oct. shook my hand and said I will see you then. I am tired of pill's, I an tired of fearing going to bed because of the dream's. I am tired of putting on that happy face or mask that many of us speak of. I am tired of hurting those around my as I did a friend today.  Two operation's in the last year is enough. Trying to be nornal and hide my battle has drained my will to care and I am just loosing my strenght.

Two year's ago I got through skin cancer on my face , it was frozen and removed and I was told that it was not going to spread. I also saw my primary doctor today who referred me to a cancer doctor. The skin cancer has returned but this time it is a hard growth. I watched my father die of cancer and made myself a promise. If I ever got cancer there would be no radical treatment, no kemo. The cancer is not the same as it was last time, so I will wait until I go to my appointment when I get the date and find out where I stand. If it is bad then it will be in God's hand's because I will let it run it's course and what will be, will be. I am not going to fight it.
Robert1256 Robert1256
51-55, M
1 Response Jul 28, 2010

Hi, Robert, <br />
Please consider calling the Lifeline if you are feeling overwhelmed or in distress and have no one to turn to. You can reach us at 1-800-273-8255. We are available 24/7 and your call is free and confidential.