CANT Get In the Holiday Spirit
Its Xmas time AGAIN !! and again I cant get in the Holiday Spirit.
I really cannot tell you what the Holiday Spirit is, but if it means shopping and crowds, and mandatory state of joy and happiness, I havent got it.
I know it should be something one feels inside, but nowadays, Xmas is a commercial holiday for most of us, so in order to fit you have to act accordingly ( otherwise you are labeled weird or a wet blanket ).
This year I cant. I gave up. Years before I kind of made an effort to act enthusiastic and pretend I liked the Holiday as our western culture celebrates it, but this year, is different. I cant and most likely I wont.
I just dont feel it in me to go out and celebrate and shop and stand in crowds and spend time with people who I barely talk to thru the year.
I just feel bad for not having gotten any presents for my family. I can barely get out of the house these days. So I havent been "out" there with the rest of the world.
I am looking forward to spending a very quiet Xmas at home. I feel bad for my kid but I cant be more festive than I feel.
Isnt this supposed to be a nice time ? I am feeling overwhelmed and with guilt and more isolated than before.