Fucc The World

Ever since i cheated on my girlfriend of 5years that i truely loved and wanted to marry she broke up with me and blocced my number, my myspace, facebook, whatever she can to have zero contact with me....after 5years of love and everything i did for her how does she not want to work it out? she just pushes me away and i wanted to propose to her during prom but i moved to another city right after we broke up and i found out she went to prom with another dude and slept with him and two other men after 4months of being broken up...how you gonna do me dirty like that *****! is all i think about, before i knew this i had attempted to kill myself by slitting my throat out of the guilt i had felt over cheating on my girl, i spent a week and half in a mental hospital afterwards, we talked kids, marriage, my future revovled around her. Now i aint **** to her, i was 1 1/2 cm away from cutting my major artery in my necc, sometimes i feel like a greater power was watching over me that night, sometimes i wish i was in a box right now. The worst thing was seeing the pain threw her tears in her eyes when she found out of my infidelity, i replay this image in my head over and over again and it makes me hurt so bad. i have murderous thoughts now because i want to kill her sooooo bad i dream about it at night. im kept awake and constantly haunted by these sicc thoughts of killing her and her whole family including their fuccing dog, i just dont care all the love and passion i had has turned into dark satanic rage now and i look for the sun but its raining everyday. its crazy thinking about what a different person i am now, before i was happy and liked getting up in the morning and looking good, now its just bottle after bottle t-shirt and shorts in my room all day, its not that i dont want to move on or be happy again....i just cant........what i hate the most is she said she wanted to die together, she said if i were to ever die she'd have to kill her self, but when she found out i slit my throat and i was in the hospital she didnt give two *****, she didnt even call me she texted me asking if it was true then i replied yes and she never texted me again....what a **** right? now im at where im at, a drunk, bipolar, womanizing, bully because i just cant show anyone love anymore not even myself, i wonder when this pain my heart will stop, i wonder when these thoughts will hault, and i pray for my soul bacc.....
siccmind siccmind
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 30, 2010

Man, that ****'s rough man. That's real rough. Don't listen to the harshness of OnewithJC. I'm down with the Lord too man, but ****, you can't just shove it down his throat like that OnewithJC, remember the Lord teaches compassion too?<br />
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Seriously though, I know ****'s tough for you right now man. I was there. **** was on a critical level for me like 2 years ago man. "I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke."<br />
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But you gotta outlast this ****. You know that ***** just went and slept with those dude to come back at you, you gotta know that what you did was ****** up, and that **** can really, really hurt. it's like, you hurt her bad man, and she's tryin to hurt you back on some immature type ****. But honestly, i had a relationship like yours man. Me and my girl, man we were ****** everything to each other. Two halves of a whole. And I ****** it up. So i can relate to how your feeling man. Lots of emotion and no where for it to go. <br />
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But There's two outcomes i see here. <br />
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One, time passes. And its ******* true what they say, time heals all wounds. Well maybe not heals, but numbs the pain to a dissident level. And you'll get older, find a new girl. Theres plenty of fish in the sea. <br />
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Two, the girl comes around. She realizes that hey, everyone makes mistakes. People **** up. **** hits the fan every once in awhile. Nobodys perfect. Thats ****** life. And she'll come back to you. You're gonna have to get over the fact that she ****** other dudes right after you broke up. It's tough to do man, but you gotta get on that maturity level where you can let jealousy and **** fade away. <br />
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But you gotta know this man. Don't **** around and do some dumb **** cuz you're heads ****** right now. You're a valuable part of this world. You've got a purpose. **** if i know what it is, but it exists. And it's not offing yourself or anybody else. You can't do that ****. Buy a punching bag, and do some work. Hell, go outside and break some **** (that you own). But don't hurt other people man, it's not right, it's not worth it, and you will get caught, and 20 years from now when you're looking back at how you spent your 20's in jail, you'll realize how not worth it it was.<br />
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That **** would be a tragedy man.<br />
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but yo, Keep your head up, i'm pullin for you man. I sincerely am.