Going On Year 32...

I believe I was born with dysthymic disorder and ADHD, because I was never really truly happy with myself or my life. At seventeen-years-old all of my dreams fell apart when I could no longer function in school, and my depression suddenly had an added element, episodes of major depression. Now I am thirty-two years old and still struggling each and every day just to make it through the day. It takes most of the morning for me to actually wake up, by the time I do it is just about noon, so I eat lunch and it is naptime, I cannot even function between 1 and 3, because I am so mentally and physically exhausted. When all is said and done, I am actually awake and ready to accomplish something at around 4 o'clock, which means that most days I do not accomplish much if anything at all. I do not know what the worst part of the situation is: being so damn tired and lacking the energy or motivation to live life or if it is the guilt that I feel for not having the energy or motivation? At 4 o'clock each and everyday I feel guilty for not getting more done during the day. I am so sick of living this way, because I do not honestly believe that you can even call it living; its surviving. I want to live, to enjoy my son before he no longer wants to spend time with Mom. I want to live my life, and do not even know how good it would feel to not have to live each day overwhelmed by guilt!
knol0059 knol0059
2 Responses Aug 3, 2010

If you have both Major Depression and dysthymia, you need a lot of help getting through this. Major depression is mostly a biological impairent, just like diabetes. It's a physical thing you have or inherited and it must and can be controlled, but not cured. Please see a psychiatrist and explain exactly what's oing on. You could have Bipolar II disorder-these are mostly esisodes of major depression. The doc can try you on a number of meds until you find the one that work-and whatever med it is, you'll definitely start to feel 100% better. Ask your doc about Lithium, Topomax, or Lamictal. These have the best to treat major depression and with the right dosage, they wil work. Your doc may try a "mood tsabilizer" which will help a lot to get better. Anti-depresants alone will not help-keep that in mind. I hope this helps. I know because I suffered through yers of exactly what you're going through. I'm 53, and had to wait until I was 31 before I got the right help and can now feel "normal".

You are absolutely not taking care of yourself and that will hurt your son. Be good to you and start the vitninum kick, or check with the doctor about blood chemistry problem, you are lacking protein or something. You are judging yoursel poor in health, using dysthymic disorder and ADHD as your reason. Sorry if I offend you, but please look at the positive need and check it out.