I remember a conversation I had with the ex, years ago now. He cancelled on me, saying his wife was depressed, he needed to see if she was ok. I remember crying my eyes out that night, not because he cancelled on me, but because I had no one that wanted to see if I was ok.

I never wanted pity. Ever. I knew what was wrong, why it was all wrong, and I just wanted someone to say they understood and mean it. I wanted it to be ok to sit in silence with someone, or to burst into tears, or to tell me to take the bottle of tequila away from me, and just hug me. That's all I wanted.

I still get days, not often thankfully, where I will not want to get out of bed. I won't cry, I won't move much, in fact, I'll just lay there curled up and blink. Not thinking anything. But I know if I start to feel like that I have to snap myself out of it before the day turns into months of feeling ******.

And it's not a case of  WHY ME, because I don't need to put the blame on someone else. I know why Im like this, so do the people that caused this. Worse things have happened to others, I am grateful I am still alive and functioning. But I just, at times, want someone to say to me, it's ok to have an off day, it's ok to wrap up on the sofa and not feel anything and not speak, let it pass, you have time to breathe now.

But I don't.
MrsLalaninjacakes MrsLalaninjacakes
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 10, 2010

I do with you x

Yes, you do. And you know that, Love.

Very eloquently stated. Hard for others to understand how simple it is to make things "better". <br />
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Feel free to PM if you want to talk. <br />
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That's nicely written, you know you can always sit at EP table when no-one is there to care.