Escalating Depression

I recently started having more down moments so my dr increased my prozac from 40 to 50 mg. Since that time my depression has actually gotten worse. There have been some other things happen that may be playing a part, though I'm not really sure what to attribute it to.

I got on depoprovera(birth control) 6 mos ago. It can worsen depression but since I was being treated my dr said it should b ok. Also this summer has been the absolute worst for financial issues. I've even become afraid to get the mail because there's always bad news or a huge bill. I've had to let my home phone & my direct tv go (not a huge deal), my electric came very close to being turned off, my child supports so screwed up I wasn't able to pay the rent one month. A credit card co is garnishing my wages to a tune of $200 each paycheck so that means even LESS money.

My son's school called the states attorney on me cuz he simply wouldn't get up n go to school. My daughters boyfriend broke up w her & she was threatening to cut herself. My son always wants money I don't have n he makes me feel bad ab it. He calls me c*unt when he doesn't get his way he hits walls n slams doors n scares me. My daughter is becoming mouthier by the day n is mean n hateful in the mornings before school so that by the time I get to work I'm in no shape to deal with people. I quit my job cuz I simply couldn't take that bitchass secretary anymore (luckily my boss convinced me to come back or I'd b out on the street). I've been under a tremendous amt of stress n I'm wiggin out. Most days all I wanna do is sleep n I cry over everything. I'm anxious n worried n angry n paranoid n I just don't know what to do. I'm alienating everyone around me n my bf thinks I'm nuts even tho he won't admit it. As u may imagine this is causing all sorts of problems in my life. I can't deal with work, where everyone needs something from me. I can't deal at home where the house is always a mess n nothing ever stays done n the kids are increasingly insubordinate n incorrigable (sons 15 daughters 11). I am having more & more trouble keeping these issues inside n struggle daily with keeping them under wraps so they're not effecting those around me. I just can't keep the mask on anymore. I'm transparent. Its noticeable now. I used to b so good at hiding it, now its too hard. Idk what to do.
trixi trixi
41-45, F
2 Responses Oct 23, 2010

You need inner strenth and only God can give that to you.Read the four books of the NT in the Bible and really start giving more thought to prayer.(I notice you don't mention either God or prayers in your life,and that worries me.) Join "cell groups" that share their belief - absolutely necessary for spiritual growth.<br />
Read the Bible more regularly (than what most Christians do) and then - vvery important - start praising God in the mornings when you wake up and still feel sleepy.Don't allow yourself any questions about it:just praise Him and even if you just say "Praise God" softly to yourself over and over for an half an hour every morning,you will see what difference it can make in your life..<br />
Sorry,of course I do not know how you feel about religion,I just can see you need it as much as what we all do.Forget about this terribly agnostic/atheistic life everyone around us seems to be living Because it will never bring the answer you are looking for..<br />
Anti-depressants help(I also take some) but you have a spirit inside you that needs to be lifted up.<br />
OK,,try this if you want to.God bless you and ,please,just persist and you will see the lighter side of life again.<br />
If you would one day like to let me know if this helped,I am under EDUCATION/ "I am intelligent but air-brained "/Tom Steel.( But perhaps you can see these things straight away - not sure,just joined this site today.)

I wish I could just step in, kick some butt and scream at the other people in your life to get them back in shape. I also wish I would win the lottery. Sadly, neither is likely to happen anytime soon. <br />
I do feel for you. Make sure that despite all this turmoil and pain you keep your priorities straight. First, take care of yourself, so keep your doctor informed of your reactions and what is going on in your life. Then realize that it is not likely that you can address much less fix all the different challenges you are facing at one time. You will need to choose which one or two you have the strength and ability to work on this coming week, and let the rest slide. <br />
Were I a parent I would be ridiculously tough and strict. Tell your son the truth about your family finances: there isn't enough money to pay the essentials, so his wants for spending money will have to wait. Your daughter is screaming for attention - but I have no idea why. You have to break the daily cycle of your morning routine. Your job is critical, so get the kids to back off for a short while and get your job under control. Those would be my priorities, but I'm not you. Decide for yourself what area or areas to work on first. It will get better, but not in one big event.