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I Don't Know What To Do

No one knows that I am in constant agony. I'm a happy go lucky type of person but I find it's more and more exhausting to keep up this image around my friends.

I'm depressed because my husband puts his family before me, they treat me like crap but he just allows it to continue

I stopped visiting them but he said that he was depressed (and I think to some degree he's distressed with having to deal with it) so I now go again to these visits that are hell for me (because he doesn't stick up for me)

I have a higher sex drive than him and he often rejects me making me feel unwanted, unattractive and because I have tried sharing this with him and he makes no attempt to meet me half way, uncared for.

I dressed up sexy and he ignored me but then we saw a scene in a movie with a naked women and he was all over me because SHE arose him so not only am I ugly but I'm just a blow up doll to him....a convenience for when someone else gets him going. It's not about making love to me it's about relieving sexual tension.....which isn't doing it for me in the slightest.

My friends all tell me that I'm pretty but when it comes to my husband...he's always short on compliments

I am the one keeping out emotional relationship alive by accepting his depression (despite his lack of seeking out treatment) and sacrificing my own mental health to take care of his.



Ok, the list does go on but really you don't need to hear every detail.

What should I do?
Anti-depressants:
They won't fix the root cause of my depression (my relationship)
I normally drink with friends every couple of weeks so I will get questioned when I don't drink and it's not something I want to share
My husband might notice....this could be a pro or con depending on his reaction

Counselling:
Takes time and money that I don't have
Hasn't been useful in the past for other things
My husband will know right away

Leave my husband:
I'd have to leave behind my kids because I wouldn't make enough on my own for a big enough place
I'd have to leave my home daycare business as well, so new job too
My kids would grow up without me around and that breaks my heart

Try taking to Hubby...
.....yea for the millionth time. It doesn't help and I've read tons of different books on communication so I know that if one of my approaches isn't working some of the others must be he just doesn't get it or doesn't care (hard to tell which because he SUCKS at communication)
pamdaqtpi pamdaqtpi 22-25, F 4 Responses Oct 25, 2010

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There is always something you can do. You have an excuse for everything why you cant do this and why you cant do that. You're not happy and you doubt things will ever change? Then take your kids and start fresh, yes you might live poor for a while and it's going to be incredibly tough but at least you can make a new start with your kids. If your husband truly loves you then he'll fight for you and try to get you back, if he doesn't love you then you have nothing more to lose. Don't deal with this crap any longer, tell him that, tell him how you feel and that you will leave if things don't change now. He needs to decide which one is more important, his wife and kids or his side of the Family and if his answer is the opposite of what it should be then you have your answer. The only thing you have in your life that is important are your kids. The business, the house, the money all those things don't make people happy, Your kids will. Those Kids are your Life now, take care of them!

Keep talking. Try writing it down. And, may I suggest, set a small goal and go after it.

I am right there with you. Read my story, my member name is lifesucks4sure62. I've wasted 21 years of my life in a loveless marriage. You take care.

Ok, now one other person knows how miserable you are. Clearly, you face some tough choices. From the words I read, you are leaning toward a solution of separating from your husband. I think relationships are like a raw egg; once you crack it, you can never "repair" it. Although the consequences of a decision to separate or get a divorce will be tough to get through, you need to do things that will make you happy, before you can try to be there for your children.