It Feels Like The Darkness Will Never LiftI've always suffered from depression but generally I cycle in and out. I'm an extremely sensitive person and am greatly affected by things around me. So even when I'm depressed I've been able to come out of it when something good was happening. These things could be small. A cute puppy, a smile from a baby, a sunny day, nature, even a pleasant exchange from a stranger. Lately however, nothing seems to lift my spirit. My passion has completely died. It's like the light has gone out and I don't know how to get it back.
Generally, when I tell people that I suffer from depression they are surprised. I've always been able to maintain a certain pretense. I mask my depression by laughing and seeing the lighter side of life. Frequently this mask or act actually lifts my spirits so that I start feeling better. Lately, I don't seem to have this ability.
I can't smile, I can't laugh. I can't see the beauty. I'm completely distracted and unable to focus. Simple tasks are overwhelming. I keep loosing and forgeting things. Everything feels dark and hopeless. I keep thinking what's the point!!
I really want out. I want things to be better but I don't know how. Meds don't work on me. I feel like I'm in such a deep, dark hole that I can't get myself out.
lagatta 41-45, F 11 Responses 8 Nov 7, 2010