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It Feels Like The Darkness Will Never Lift

I've always suffered from depression but generally I cycle in and out. I'm an extremely sensitive person and am greatly affected by things around me. So even when I'm depressed I've been able to come out of it when something good was happening. These things could be small. A cute puppy, a smile from a baby, a sunny day, nature, even a pleasant exchange from a stranger. Lately however, nothing seems to lift my spirit. My passion has completely died. It's like the light has gone out and I don't know how to get it back.

Generally, when I tell people that I suffer from depression they are surprised. I've always been able to maintain a certain pretense. I mask my depression by laughing and seeing the lighter side of life. Frequently this mask or act actually lifts my spirits so that I start feeling better. Lately, I don't seem to have this ability.

I can't smile, I can't laugh.  I can't see the beauty.   I'm completely distracted and unable to focus. Simple tasks are overwhelming.  I keep loosing and forgeting things.  Everything feels dark and hopeless. I keep thinking what's the point!!

I really want out. I want things to be better but I don't know how. Meds don't work on me. I feel like I'm in such a deep, dark hole that I can't get myself out.
lagatta lagatta 41-45, F 11 Responses Nov 7, 2010

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I have exactly the same syptomes as you ever since my mother died 3 years ago my happiness has never truly returned I am on antidepressants still have the blues but not as strong on medication ,I just want my happiness back any item of worry or stress brings it back on and off it hasn't gone of for a long time this time,kat

awww,,,,,I wish there was an answer for depression but it's not clear cut.

Lagatta, you have been through so much recently. It is no surprise you feel this way. You need to give yourself time to heal and you need to allow yourself to let down the strong mask every so often.
You are in my thoughts. You are one hell of a strong woman. Have faith you will come through this. X

I hope darkness lifts, and light comes in your life

Wow!! Lagatta. . . this was written almost three years ago. How are you doin' now with regards to this post? I hope anything positive or progressive came out. . . would be the words if I haven't known you from this present stage.
You have been through a lot and still struggling on things personal. But we can all see you are one exceptional woman. Thanks for sharing all of you.^^

Hi Lady, Thanks so much! ^^ I'm doing okay but I've suffered from depression my whole life. It's just been a matter of me controlling it. The depression probably got better with the cancer diagnosis but then the situation with my parents brought out all these issues and I started suffering again. So now I am trying to remain distant. It's self preservation.

it sounds similar to what i often experience. i have what is called atypical depression. but they are all only labels...they are useful for resources,but can be limiting if you define oneself too much.

I'm using the "mindfullness" therapy ( Try googling it up ) It puts emphasis on meditation and focussing on the "now" and detatching from the past and worrying about the future. I suffer horrible depression and the most beutifull things can make me sad, but I now work on them. Here's an Idea, go to a park or a nice garden, focus on the beauty that surrounds you. Shut out everything but the one flower or thing that is nice. Stick with it... Keep on talking with friends and EP. You are not alone and someday soon this pain will lift... Good luck

Thanks to everyone for their encouraging comments!!! I truly appreciate your support and I feel a little less alone in the battle knowing that there are others out there that care and have been through similar despair.

Hey, Uhm, I just got into this sight today by googling "how to battle depression" and I've only been on for a few minutes and I have someone who I can relate to. I've suffered depression for... 8 years? or at least thats how long ago I was diagnosed I think. I know that I am only fourteen and to a person whose been lost in the dark so much longer than I have I can't really tell you what the point is in your life. I don't have the pleasure of knowing you or knowing what each person is meant to do in life. But as those annoying commercials say "you are not alone." In my opinion That darkness you find yourself in is something that Everybody goes through. But those of us who have to battle depression have lower lows than other people, but I think that these lows we go through makes us value those little tiny bumps of happiness, those fragments of time where life seems worth living. People who constantly experience that don't value the happiness in their lives and sometimes they lose it easier than those who are diagnosed. I don't know if what I said is going to impact your life but I hope that you find a way to climb out of the hole and cherish the light. <br />
<br />
Joseph A. Lusi

Hey, Uhm, I just got into this sight today by googling "how to battle depression" and I've only been on for a few minutes and I have someone who I can relate to. I've suffered depression for... 8 years? or at least thats how long ago I was diagnosed I think. I know that I am only fourteen and to a person whose been lost in the dark so much longer than I have I can't really tell you what the point is in your life. I don't have the pleasure of knowing you or knowing what each person is meant to do in life. But as those annoying commercials say "you are not alone." In my opinion That darkness you find yourself in is something that Everybody goes through. But those of us who have to battle depression have lower lows than other people, but I think that these lows we go through makes us value those little tiny bumps of happiness, those fragments of time where life seems worth living. People who constantly experience that don't value the happiness in their lives and sometimes they lose it easier than those who are diagnosed. I don't know if what I said is going to impact your life but I hope that you find a way to climb out of the hole and cherish the light. <br />
<br />
Joseph A. Lusi

I'm sorry to hear this I can relate to it and I wish I could say something or give you some tips but I'm also challenging myself on that is hard when you stay neutral and can't move out of that stage, I think some people get addicted to meds after a while I guess you need to speak about your problems or whatever is bothering you cry it out if you need too but holding something for so long is not good it destroy you slowly *hugs*

It is a daily struggle that some I win and some I lose. Many time's I have felt that I was at the end of my rope and a ray of sunshine found it's way in. I know they will last so I enjoy them so much more when I do get them. My medication seem's to switch faster then my mood's and for me that add's to my confusion and anger but I know that I need them. I go to see both my doctor's today and have plenty to discuss with them. For now I cling to hope, hope that the morning will bring just a little better day. Thank you for this post. My Best.