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Help

so im from new zealand. new to this. long story short. what sucks about depression is the reaction from others. you go from this strong happy funny woman employed, well liked.... i had a massive surgery 5 years ago, prior to this misdiagnosed, family called me hyperchondriac, wont bore you with sympotons but they were odd. i cried daily with the sheer awfulness of being told i was well i knew i wasnt... finally MRI, 9 hour surgery, bone broke in back was pressing so far against spinal cord was ready to snap. ICU for weeks, 8 months off work, i am left with major chronic pain, sugery was thru chest, severed nerves muscles etc. i cant run or do a lot i used to... during this i went thru high prof sex abuse case with relative (he had also abused a guy who went on to kill 2 people, very major news here n new zealand)  anyway i had to leave work (had worked after surgery against dr advice) i lost it. i was numb i went under our mental health system who plied me with huge amounts anti psyhcotic drugs, i lost it, slept for 6 months was angry violent, had no money nearly lost my house... the famly bolted. coudltn deal with it. i remember throwing a bag of apples at my older half sister (who had raised me from age 9 - no parents long story) and being so angry the drugs hurt and dulled me and i hated myself. i would go in and tell them i was going to kill myself and they ave me more drugs. i got off them over 3months of being totally alone, friends bolted, couldnt understand me etc.
its sad. i feel very very alone a lot of the time.
help
palo32 palo32 41-45, F 2 Responses Dec 31, 2010

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I am thinking of you and praying you can come out of your hole, too. I have never been so alone and have two handicapped boys screaming...sometimes life is unbearable and too cruel to some people.

I've been there, being alone and feeling like I have absolutely nobody. My problem was allowing my depression to gather the worst of myself, and walk directly into isolation. Fear and anxiety held me back from being even remotely social. No where near the experiences you've had to endure, but I can understand the feelings.



Sometimes all it takes is knowing someone who knows too. It also helped me a lot to know that this is NOT my fault, and it can be beaten.



*hugs* Though it may not look it, there is hope.