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Dear God Please Take Me Home

I wake up everyday
And know that it's still here
That I must fight another day
With confusion and with fear

I look into the mirror
And find a stranger there
And when I look into his eye's
I know he does not care

To have to fight another day
The want to live or die
And know that I will once again
Sit alone and cry

I know that every tear that fall's
Drain's more life from me
But I hide my pain deep within
So that other's may not see

I fear the dark for what it bring's
The beast will call my name
I am now your mate in life
And life will never be the same

The friend's are gone
They cant comprehend what I battle everyday
They just say get over it
You choose to be this way

I still need to know that I am loved
I still need to know you care
It's killing my soul to reach for you
Just to find that your not there

I am worn down by the battle's, the struggle and the strife
And I'm tired of being alone
If this is all life offer's me
Dear God please bring me home.
Robert1256 Robert1256 51-55, M 18 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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To all~ May God bless each and everyone of you and he does. Keep your faith and hope in the Lord. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all.. God Bless!!!!

I kow it`s Christmas 2001 and these posts are old, but I wonder ihow you made it from wanting God to Take You Home, because I have been feeling this way for 3 years, praying everyday for God to answer my prayer. I lost 2 sons to suicide, all friends are dead, husband died of cancer and have one married son very sick. My daughter inlaw sent my son home to stay with me and I am only living to help him and do the job she refuses to do. It has taken it`s toll on my life personally and financiallly, and being 77 years old I have no choice but to live for their needs and give my life and money to them. I do pray to God! I lost my wil to live, but have no choice to give everything I have to them. I text my daughter inlaw that I cant handle the burden phisicallyy and financially bu my daughter inlaw won`t even answer my

text, I have built up huge credit card debts for food and medical needs along with cooking (that she refuses to do) but she won`t help. She even collects food stamps while she works off the books , telling welfare he lives with her, but she won`t buy the food for him.

I am in Hell and I want to go home to God.. I thought retirement was for me (at least that`s what my husband wanted for me) but what happens when I need someone ((Nothing with Noone there for me and no more money left) Everyone says life is short-Live for yoursef, not for someone else--Tell that to my absent greedy lazy daughter inlaw!

Thank Each one for reading and comminting. It get's older as the day's go by just to struggle to find just one more reason to face tomarrow. It's alway's there no matter how hard I try to ignore it. I have good day's that come to an end and bad day's that come to an end. The hardest part to deal with is that I see no end to the struggle and it drain's the life out of me. My Best to each one.

I feel the same way at times the stress of deression get too much to bare. I'm seeing a Doctor and she has me on medication. its not helping much as my depression has effected not only my life but my relationship with my girlfriend. I have depression, anxiety and intimate anxiety disorder. Everyday is a fight a struggle just to get up. My girlfriend didnt understand why I wasnt being intimate with her so she cheated on me. Now its getting harder and harder to get up. I talked to her today she told me she isnt with any one no more. I wanted to tell her I still wanted to be with her. I want her back in my life but I dont know? I find that sometimes Music can sometimes help. I find that when I listen to Eminem there is something about his music that just helps. I guess its the rage that he speaks in some of his songs. I vibe to songs like (Love the way you lie, no love, like toy soldiers, when I'm gone, Not afraindBeautiful, and mocking bird). Those songs make me feel better. I just ram to his music and it lets all the hurt and pain go away.

let me make this quick and short...I wish I was dead.

The only reason I don't do it is because I do love God.

Hello Robert, I have been there as well and I thought I would die it took 3years to actually to get him out of my heart in my case my story is different the way things worked out for me, I kept getting concealing and have three kids when all this happen every one of us was surprise to see him walk away, and we been in so much in the last 12years I thought we could fix it and move on I wanted to grow old with him, it didn't cause he lost love for me and I wasn't easy to deal with either ,he got tired of me plus he found a barbie better looking then me that hurt my ego big time,So because he had an addiction to drugs he left me broke owing money to the banks my checks from work would go direct deposits all my money was gone in a month in half to pay it off,I also cooked food and put up a sign at my door to make money for my kids food and needs started out with 5dollar plates it helped a bit and I met the men that has been my friend he was calm and waiting for me and he knew the truth about my my feelings and decided to try any way and he did help me, it took long, but he is the reason for me to get over my true love and he knows there isn't any one to take over that place but he believed in time I would see for my self who cares for me ,action speak louder then words, I'm happy, but my love isn't as big as it was for the other and i think is my heart protecting it's self from hurt ,To tell you the truth I wouldn't go back! I rather enjoy my new life and be strong no more suffering!!!

At least you know what you are dealing with, and are willing to go out and get some help. I know people who are suffering from bipolar or depression that refuses to get help. They make the lives of family and friends pure hell.

I love tyhe fact that you express your feelings so well. It shows that you do not intend to give up, no matter what the last line says. As for friends... give them some slack. They obviously don't have a clue about the depth of darkness you are dealing with.

You survived yesterday and the day before. You can handle today... easy peasy. Keep on fighting.

Robert1256:

You have asked God, "Why me". My Friend, I have asked myself that many times. Real brief let me explain:

1. I was married for 27 years; but she divorced me, I AM GAY.

2. The divorce nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown.

3. I totaled my auto, came out the accident with no injuries except ONE DROP OF BLOOD IN THE PALM OF MY LEFT HAND.

4. I had a stroke after foot surgery, The doctors did not expect me to live or ever walk again. I left the hospital after 18 days. They called me "The Miracle Patient."

5. I had cancer yes, CANCER. that was 10 years ago. After surgery, I am still here



Robert, I have asked God many times, Why me? Why am I still alive. What does He want from me? I do not understand. The Holy Bible supposedly condemns the gay life. However, He continues to bless me with life, with retirement, with a wonderful partner who loves me and shares my life and my home. God, Why?

I pay all my bills each month. I live in a home that I purchased in 1997 for $107,000. It is now valued at $154,000. Robert, can you tell me Why God has blessed me so? Robert, God is keeping you alive for a reason that you may not know; BUT HE DOES.. I will agree with the post directly above this one. WHY NOT YOU?

Do you love God? Yes you do. Have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior? From what I have been led to believe, Yes, you do. Do you thank God each and every day for your blessings? I assume you do.



Robert. God LOVES YOU. HE WILL KEEP AND PROTECT YOU AS LONG AS HE KEEPS YOU ALIVE ON THIS EARTH, and He only, knows the day when He will call you home. Please do not despair, do not worry. God is still on the throne. He knows you have many questions, so do I; but I no longer worry about those questions. I may ask him when I see him on His throne; but then Robert, those questions will not matter. YOU and I will be with Him in heaven.

Robert1256: I have tried to get you as a friend, but I seem to be blocked! So here's my story to you. I have taken care of my grandmother since Sept. 11th 2000. I was diagnosed with diabetes two days later. I was taken medicine up until my dad was diagnosed with kidney failure and I was diagnosed with colon cancer in Feb. 17th 2007. I didn't have the heart to tell my dad or grandmother I had it, but I did tell my mother. My dad passed away in April of '07. I went back on medicine for diabetes, but not for cancer, they said they got it all? I don't lnow if they did or not, but i don't care. Anyway, then my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer & diabetes in March of 2008. I again stopped taking my medicine for dabetes, and my health got a little worse, but I didn't care. I stopped to take car of her(my mother ) plus taking care of my grandmother. My mother passed away in May of '09, and I again put my health on hold. Now, in 2010 it was just me and my grandmother, and I was taken care of her, my parents Estate, trying to households, renting a home, running for city government, doing neighborhood watch and a little of everything else. I do this to keep me from going insane, until I cannot do it anymore. So, please I understand where yo are coming from, Believe Me!!!! I am still there, but I do make time for myself. I have friends who care, and also my dogs, they depend on me for food, shelter. And they give me enjoyment.



Oh! my neighbor's put a bet on me that I would crazy. But so far, I haven't. Someone even had the DHHR come and remove my grandmother from my care, it was my uncle and his son, did it. I am still here. But my grandmother passed away in Sept. of 2010. Life must go on, and mine is still going on weither no family members are here.. I must to prove to myself I CAN, WITH THE HELP OF GOD. Love you, buddy:)

I can't remember where I read this or who said it. but it went something like this.



*Whenever I ask myself "Why me?" A little voice in my head asks back, "Why not you?"*



Not very encouraging, I know, but sometimes when I was feeling sorry for myself (as I so often did), I would think of this and it made it seem a little less bad. Because I then started to wonder, yeah, why not me? It kind of took me out of the mood into a slightly different way of thinking. Sometimes it helped, but, not on the darkest days. I am fortunate to have come through the worst of it and am now on the mend.

Robert, I feel so sorry for the pain you sometimes find yourself in, but I'm glad you can write this moving poetry to express it and get it out. This poem helped me understand how a loved one of mine must have felt sometimes.

I will hold thoughts of healing for you and send you lots of love and light and a great big hug. Keep writing and getting those feelings out. I hope you feel much better very soon.

hugs*im glad to hear u ll see ur therapist in two days..n im glad u write how u feel,hugs again.

Thank You for reading and commenting pepsiboy. I have asked myself many time's, Why Me and have not come up with an answer. As you well know we find ourself in that dark valley to wonder until it subside's. The last month has been hard to cope with and no amount of fight, humor or trying to stay busy could avoid it. I just have to ride it out but expressing myself at time's let's some of the anger and hurt out. My Best

Dear Robert1256, I know as well, on what you deal with. I am the same, as you. I deal with depression on a daily basis too! Mine started the day I was raped. It has been a long journey for me. I cannot help to wonder if I was ment to die that day, I have carried this burden for a long time. I was 11 when this happened to me. I have accepted, as one of may failures in my life. My life has never been perfect. And again, I don't want it to be either. I he bee carrying it for along time, I am 50 years of age. I tend to ask God why me? I still haven't recieved a answer, but I know one day, He will be threir, He has carried me this long, and stilll carrying me. So, don't loose hope, He loves you, and so do many, as well as me (pepsiboy). If you need to talk, I am here always. love you buddy...

Thank You for reading and commenting kemikul. With depression you cant escape the thought's of death that come upon your mind. I dont want to die as I still have life left in me but at the time of posting I expressed what was inside me right then. I am tired and just trying to hang on until I see my therapist in two day's. I pray to die but want to live what a tug of war in my mind. My Best

Thank You each for reading and comment. Being sick, the holiday's and too much darkness have played dicken's with my mood's and I am tired. Thank you for your word's of support, My Best

I am sorry you have this terrible battle each and everyday of your life. I wish I had the words to convey my sorrow at your despair. I have battled depression, since early adolescence, and can relate. I am fortunate that it seems to be abating since I hit menopause. I suppose, whatever hormones were awakened when I hit puberty have since gone back to sleep. I still do have sad days, but they are pale echoes of the awful suffering I used to have. I have been talking to NoahBody123, about full spectrum lights, and am hoping he will find some relief from them. If he does, I am sure he will pass along the information to you. Some of the special lamps are very expensive, but I have discovered that you can buy the bulbs and use them in your existing lamps for less than ten dollars, from places like Home Depot and Walmart. Good luck my friend.

it feels like nobody understands,

but u know more,the darkness that approaches makes u feel alone

but u need to feel loved ,u deserve it

n i know....*hugs..