I wake up every morning and feel completely alone even when i am around people i feel alone.  Sometimes i find the smallest task to hard to manage.  I have to force myself to get dressed, take a shower, call my friends everything. 

My boyfriend and I just broke up and since then my depression has become worse.  My bf treated me like crap.  he was physically and emotionally abusive to me, but now that we are apart i feel more alone then ever.  As sad as it is to admit i would do anything to get back with him.

Sometimes i think i make myself depressed on purpose at least is what my friends tell me.

clancyfan clancyfan
22-25, F
10 Responses Oct 23, 2006

you're right if your bf treated you wrong he never loved you... you just had a relationship with crap guy i would suggest take a holiday go somewhere what you most like. World is so beautiful and Very kind we love you.. and whoever hurted you he will eventually face his own karma don't waste you so cool time sister .......

you are not alone with those feelings

<br />
<br />
MY PLAN for dealing with depression requires a minimum of 14 days but it can be spread over a number of months if that is what you need. The tasks will help you build a foundation for recovery � dealing with each vulnerable part of you before moving on to the next. <br />
If you followed, or are still following, part one, you should already have a journal. This will be your workbook and it will hold the answers you are looking for. It will also be a document that charts your recovery. <br />
In your journal, begin by writing down what you are aiming for � your dream life. What would have to happen to get your life back on track? Deep in our hearts, we all know what needs to be achieved to help us move forward. As the first item in your journal, this will be the first thing you see when you open the book. <br />
Now let's continue with Days 8 to 14.<br />
<br />
Day 8: Understand your depression <br />
When we are depressed, we may interact with others in a ' neurotic' way. This next exercise can help you to grab the essence of the behaviour that drives you round in circles and give you some answers for how to change. The more honest you can be, the more informative the results will be. <br />
These are the questions you must ask yourself: 1 When have I had these feelings before? <br />
Depression is caused by 'depressed' feelings; feelings which have been pressed down. Grab them and draw them out. When did they start? Put three memories to the experiences. Find a photo that symbolises the timing of the feelings or visualise yourself at the time that you were previously depressed. How often do I experience them? <br />
2 What triggers their reoccurrence? <br />
Who or what triggers these feelings? What situation do I get myself into that triggers these feelings? Why does it always happen when I go to work/visit my brother/ argue with my wife? (Find your own situation.) 3 Which role do I play in this situation? <br />
Am I a victim (feeling helpless and at the mercy of others), a martyr (trying to help others to make myself feel better) or a perpetrator (turning on others for making me feel like this)? Why do I take up this role? How long have I been playing this part? If I become the victim, then who is the perpetrator? Who taught me this role? Or from whom did I learn it? <br />
4 What benefits do I gain from being here? Who am I trying to please? And why? <br />
5 By playing this part, what situation or feelings am I trying to avoid? <br />
6 What do I need to do to change this? What would be an ideal scenario for me to make changes that benefit me? <br />
This is an opportunity to map out your best-case scenario to help you recover from depression. For example, when I was depressed I wanted someone to come along and just take care of me and all my problems, take care of my son, give me enough money to live on and tell me I was okay. <br />
Just write your own perfect setting with lots of details. Take your time � hours, days, weeks. Don't rush this important bit. Once you have outlined your best-case scenario, imagine yourself to be in front of a panel of the top-five people that you most admire. <br />
These can be people that you personally know or people you have never met but for whom you have great respect. <br />
Ask each of them this question: 'What do I have to do to get my best case scenario to come true?' Write down each answer as it comes to you. When they have answered, savour the results, because within this exercise we can be sure we are accessing the best of ourselves. <br />
The answers are now in our hands and we know what we need to do next. <br />
Day 9: Stop being a victim <br />
When we are depressed, we feel that we are victims of many things: society, another's control, authority, our parents' behaviour, personal finances, our workplace, etc. <br />
This is because we have felt powerless � a debilitating state of mind that can paralyse us and from which we feel we have no refuge. If we suffer from feeling like a victim, this was probably due to a legacy from our childhood. Those of us who were raised without feeling a sense of autonomy will often carry this feeling into adulthood and it will seep into our everyday life. <br />
It will manifest itself as a feeling of dependence on others to survive. <br />
Becoming aware of our 'victim' status is the first step towards changing it. It is time to move on from feeling like a victim. <br />
Remember: . Our feelings are our own responsibility, they can't be blamed on someone else. <br />
. We can't expect unconditional love from another adult. Every adult relationship has a contract, whether written or unwritten. For instance, many couples would not tolerate one partner having an affair. <br />
Whether this is written down or not, it is understood. If we enter into a relationship expecting 'unconditional love', we are entering into it with a child's outlook. If we try to build a relationship before we have finished our childhood, we are setting ourselves up to take up the victim status. <br />
. Nobody can make you do something you don't want to do. No one has that much power over us unless we simply give it away (or unless they literally had a gun to your head � most unlikely). <br />
. Nobody has control over you unless you let them have it. <br />
. You have no control over others. <br />
. You can be independent. You don't need another particular person for comfort. <br />
Day 11: Address your anger <br />
The most common buried feeling that we have if we are depressed is anger. <br />
We started to address our anger by writing about it in our journal on Day 7. It is now time to confront it more fully. <br />
The consequence of being around other people's anger may have required us to submerge our own. <br />
This is often done to try to appease someone and protect ourselves from something we could not face. <br />
This is common in children, where an angry parent is frightening to a child, so we learn to pacify the adult to save ourselves from harm. <br />
However, our own anger is often even more frightening to us. If it wasn't, we wouldn't submerge it and we wouldn't be depressed. I have never met a depressed person who has not buried anger. <br />
You do have a right to feel angry. <br />
Anger is simply another feeling that is in the same grief cycle as joy, sadness, depression and denial. It's no better or worse. It is time to open the dam that has held back our anger and, little by little, we can let it out until we have a manageable flow. <br />
First, look back over the past year and write down the answers to these questions: 1 What do you feel angry about? <br />
2 With whom do you feel angry? <br />
3 Why do you feel angry? <br />
Answer these three questions as thoroughly as you can in your journal. <br />
The answers always appear surprisingly short and succinct. <br />
There is usually a very good reason why we are angry and we usually know what that is. <br />
We can begin to address this anger now by finding the part of us that is frightened or unsure about addressing the anger. We need to finish off the past and we can do this by undertaking the following exercise. <br />
VISUALISATION EXERCISE Close your eyes. Visualise yourself in a childlike state and in the company of the person that you are angry with. In this visualisation, see yourself as an adult and take the hand of the child. <br />
As the adult, tell the other person what you both (you and you as a child) are angry about. You can shout, scream, hurl insults or just talk calmly. Make sure you get the point across until you feel that everything has been said. <br />
Ask your child if they would like to say anything. <br />
Explain to the other adult that you will not be tolerating their unacceptable behaviour any more. <br />
Walk away from that person, holding your child's hand firmly and, when you get to a safe place, bend down to your child and ask if that was okay and if there was anything more you could have done. Take the child in your arms and tell them you will never, ever let them be steamrollered by that person again. <br />
The more we undertake this exercise, the more we build up a strong inner core that we will never have experienced before. <br />
PRESENT ANGER As we lessen the burden of historic anger, we will find it easier to express our anger at something that happens today. <br />
The first thing we must do if we are frightened of expressing ourselves is to take time out when we feel angry. This will give us an opportunity to get a perspective on how angry it is appropriate to feel. <br />
It is best to express our anger as close to the moment as is possible. <br />
The sooner we let it out, the easier it is to discharge and the better we feel for it. Anger can mean slight irritation; it doesn't have to mean all out war'. However we feel, we are entitled to our feelings. <br />
Day 12: Become empowered Now we are becoming more confident in our ability to release our anger, we can comfortably use it to empower ourselves. <br />
This is because we are less afraid of our own anger and have learned to trust ourselves when we feel angry. We can use this new-found confidence to restore faith in ourselves that we are not bad for having these feelings. <br />
AN ACTION PLAN Enough is enough. We have sat with our depression for long enough that we have worked through the main reasons for feeling so depressed. <br />
We have an understanding of how we got here and we have a picture of what we need to do to move ourselves on and start to reclaim our lives. <br />
If you feel that you are not yet at this point, then return to the first seven days and stick with those principles until you are bored and frustrated. Your action plan will come in two sections, the 'Who' and the 'What'. <br />
THE WHO The Who is a plan to take up any issues with others who need to be confronted. Who do we confront? <br />
We need to confront anyone whom we think is behaving in a way that is holding us back from beating depression. <br />
We need to be cautious when we establish this list because we must take into account how much of the 'exploitation' we feel is down to us remaining as the 'victim' and how much really is because the other person is exploiting us. <br />
Write out the following: . Who needs to be confronted? <br />
This can be as simple as asking the neighbour if they can park a little to the left to help you get out of the drive more easily. <br />
It can be as big as facing your parents and explaining that as a child you were sexually abused by a relative and you feel let down and angry that they kept sending you to the relative's house in spite of your protestations. <br />
. How do they need to be confronted? <br />
Stand-up rows often leave everyone exhausted. Calm discussion can be the best way. <br />
. When are they to be confronted? <br />
Choose your timing with care. We want to get the best from ourselves and the other person. <br />
. What result do you want from confronting them? <br />
Envisage the perfect result before you start. Write it down if necessary. <br />
Plan it in your head. Imagine the outcome as an adult, not a child. <br />
THE WHAT For the 'What' we have to confront in our lives, we need to look at the practical changes we can put into place, for example: . I need to change my job . I want to move house . I have to change my financial circumstances . I need a break <br />
Day 13: Take action <br />
It's time to put into place the work of the past 12 days. We must find the courage to challenge what is holding us back. <br />
Write down what you intend to do using the First Step First technique. At the top of a page write GOAL TO BE ACHIEVED. <br />
At the bottom, write FIRST STEP FIRST. Between them, write the steps you need to take to reach your goal. For example, if you were planning to run a marathon, you would gradually build up to that by running shorter races. <br />
Day 14: See things differently <br />
When we are depressed, we tend to see the negative side of a situation. <br />
We see the glass as half empty instead of half full. We have learned to do this over a period of time. <br />
And, when we are depressed, we often hear others tell us that it is not that bad, they can't see what the problem is or that we are making a mountain out of a molehill. <br />
We can feel angry and patronised. <br />
How is it that they see it another way yet we are both looking at the same thing? It's because their information is filtered through a different pattern and a dissimilar history to us. They have been taught in a different manner to us. <br />
But this is all learned. <br />
Only when you get to this last stage in beating depression can you begin to grasp the idea that things can change, because you will have seen and felt changes take place already. When you face a scenario in which you can only see gloom or disaster, find the antidote. <br />
Here is an example: I can't get ahead in my career. <br />
It can feel like a dead-end when we can't move forward in our career. <br />
However, it may be a time to step back and stop pushing. When we try to force change when it's not the right time, we end up feeling dejected. <br />
The upside of this scenario is to seize the opportunity to establish what we really want to do rather than what we think we should do. <br />
You never know, it just might be the final step you require to reclaim your life and beat depression.


I need to offload as am feeling depressed right now. I feel totally useless and cannot settle into any job at the moment, I get offered good jobs but then I start and my confidence hits rock bottom and I cannot do the tasks given to me and I feel that no-one in the office likes me and have resigned from 2 jobs recently which I have NEVER done before as I have stayed in my previous jobs for years and years but not anymore - something has changed in me and I feel that I can only do menial tasks and not the high flying PA jobs I used to do for the past 20 years! This situation, however small it may seem to others, is really getting me down and I need some good advice on how to move forward before I completely lose my confidence and my mind!<br />
<br />
I am not sleeping very well and feel like a complete failure, when I used to be so bubbly and love life I now find it a struggle and all I can think of is doom and gloom and this is just not me!!!<br />
<br />
Any help/advice would be so appreciated!<br />
<br />

Are you the type of person who secretly enjoys being abused? If so, carry on the way you are. If not, do anything you can that doesn't harm you or others, and get this creep out of your system! it was the BF in the first pace that probably brought you down. Focus on the good things in your life. <br />
Depression is not knew to me. I mean clinical depression, not just being peed off. It is an illness and often requires expert help. If you feel you can't cope, get help.

I am so alone and trapped and feel so hopeless. I spend days alone in my apartment. No one comes to visit. The only one that calls is my boyfriend. He is very active despite the fact that he is in a wheel chair. He is the greatest guy but I know I would not be seeing him if I felt better. If I had the choice I would have an active boyfriend that I could exercise with and do things with. I used to do so much but still felt incredibbly depressed and alone I figured whats the use. Since I moved into my apartment alone I have gone down hill. My friends tell me I am doing better because I do not get angry anymore. Anger propels me to do better. I try working but it never lasts. The anxiety overwhelms me and I have nothing to say to others and I do not want to hear about their lives. I am clinging to a job now but the hours are limited and my boss treats me like crap. She yells at me and then says that is just her style. I feel she does not acknowledge my existence. I teach swimming lessons and I am very good at it. My clients have never had a problem with me yet she does not give me lessons unless I ask for them and lately she has not given me any while she piles every one elses boxes up with lessons. She lies to me and tells me that she does not have any lessons. When I ask her she tells me I am doing well but she does not even put me on the list of instructors. I feel so crappy about myself as it is that I dont have the courage to keep fighting. I like teaching the lessons though. When I am teaching the lessons I feel good and transform into a different person. I am on disability and fear I will never get off of it. I feel like such a complete failure I cant even get myself to talk to people anymore. I hear these miraculous stories of recovery but dont ever see myself getting any relief. I dont feel comfortable alone and I dont feel comfortable in public. It is hell and so embarrasing. I do not want to be this way at all. I feel I have no control over it. Sorry for the long saga just so tired of it all. I just want to curl up in a hole and a die. I have been battling depression my whole life and see no end to it. When I look back on my life all I see is lonliness and emptiness and isolation. I am sorry to burden you with this. I have been hospitilized. I have had ECT. Nothing works. Recently I started using my sleep apnea machine and that does not work. I have isolated everyone but a few. No one knows how to help me. I want to work but am sick of being treated like crap by bosses when I am never anything but nice and respectful. I keep trying things and keep failing at them. Now I have given up. I stay in the hous all day by myself until it is time to go teach my lessons. I used to be alot more daring and reach out to make friends but now the anxiety is just so overwhelming I cant do it anymore. I think no one would want anything to do with me. I just want to curl up in a whole and die. Empty days and empty nights nothing to look forward to.

one thing i have learnt recently is that depression is REAL and treatable and is considered to be a medical condition by medical professionals. people don't usually make themselves depressed although your reactions to life events can certainly bring it on or make it worse. people who've never experienced chronic depression have no hope of understanding, i'm sick of phrases like "just get over it already"

You are not alone, i do that too, and its seems so weird that no matter where you go its there. And it was happening to me and I found out that in all my relationships i am the only common denominator. So i found this and i hope it might help you too:<br />
<br />
egative Thinking<br />
‘Negativitis’ cripples the human spirit<br />
<br />
Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.<br />
<br />
So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the effects of negativitis.<br />
<br />
1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.<br />
<br />
2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of moaning about what you lack.<br />
<br />
3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system, investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other diseases because of a weakened immune system.<br />
<br />
4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are prevented from seeing the good around them.<br />
<br />
5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning how to cope with life's challenges.<br />
<br />
6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.<br />
<br />
7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.” Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table. “See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world, people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.<br />
<br />
8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are condemned to continue suffering.<br />
<br />
9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it takes to get what they want.<br />
<br />
10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and get locked in a clique of losers.<br />
<br />
11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy, focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.<br />
<br />
12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.<br />
<br />
13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?<br />
<br />
Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so, that is all we will find!<br />
<br />
© Chuck Gallozzi<br />
For more articles and contact information,<br />
Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

You are depressed sweetie because of a chemical embalance. You do not need to get back with your BF if he was abusive to you in any way. You need to move on with your life and focus on getting better. Your friends have no clue as to what youre going through in your life. Ive been there and done that. You have friends here who will listen to you in so many ways. youre not alone going through this. Dont focus on the bad try and focus on the good in your life.