Affair With A Married Man

I have been friends with this man for over 12 years. We studied together in highschool and I was his love back then. We have been really close friends since then, he knows all my family and we used to always meet and talk about our relationships. For couple of years we had a falling out and didnt not meet, we didnt fight just lost contact. One day I saw on facebook that hes married, and I was in another serious relationship, also thinking of getting married to my bf. After few months we met and his wife joined us. Until now I have no idea how things changed for us, that night changed our whole friendship dynamic. We msgd non stop, filrted (we used to always flirt but innocent flirt) and after few days we met, had too much to drink and had sex. I broke up with my bf because I couldnt handle cheating on him, but hes still married. I have tried soo many times to break it up somehow it doesnt hold. We have two options: break up and he continues with his life, but then loses me completely even as friends or we continue and he divorces. I know many people have affairs but this got too emotional, maybe because we know each other so well. We know how the other person feels, thinks without talking, I have never loved anyone so much in my life, he is my first love and first n only man I have been with. He tells me he wants to be with me but yet is not willing to act on it. Can anyone give me any suggestions or atleast give me advice on how to break it up. I tried ignoring his calls, msgs, seeing him but ive lasted only 3 days like that, which is strange because before i had no problem breaking up or forgetting a guy. He is in my life because hes friends with everyone in my family and he makes it impossible for me to leave him. What should i do?
nastlover nastlover
26-30, F
6 Responses Mar 6, 2011

Thank u! But I'm over him now, u can read my stories with my current bf, much hotter sex than what I had with this guy ;) so all is good, n apparently she's pregnant nw having a boy in a month.

read it..my type of *** **** she is..see my comments on it

why do u want to put on strings to nice hot sexual relationship..be friends with benefits with rules w/ it....dont stop having fun in ur prt cause his married..his not going to leave her...keep ******* him and have ur fun on the side also..life is too short to feel sad and worry what others think

I can't believe you gave him up, the love of your life, I am exactly in the same situation, I would go to hell first before I give him up, and I am a practicing catholic.<br />
When it comes to saying The Our Father, I don't say lead us not into tempation, I say forgive me I cannot ever give him up. As for people judging you, you only live once, so go get him, and to hell with peoples opinions, God knows our inner most thoughts and failings, no one else has the right to judge.

Thank you for the advice... today I finally gathered my strength told him to leave me alone, cut off all connection to him and will try to move on and find a proper SINGLE man :) YSour advice helped get diffrent perspective, and I am so glad it ended before ruining his marriage because she doesnt deserve it... Now I just have to find a way to forgive myself and live with what I did...

No moralistic lecture here. Just a few observations.<br />
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1 - You have tried to break up his marriage and few times and failed. <br />
2 - He refuses to let you leave him.<br />
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He is USING you. He wants his marriage and you, as his mistress. <br />
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You know you have to leave him. How? I'd say, a harsh dose of honesty with him is called for. You need to sit him down and tell him you're moving on and he is NOT to bother you. <br />
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Then, take a holiday. Vanish from the scene for a few weeks and use the time to mourn, and regroup. <br />
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You deserve better than this. @73yrold is right. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Be careful how far you trust this guy.

My oldest boy was in a quandary similar to the one you are currently in. He was shacking up with a predatory divorcee with a lot of baggage, and our whole family told him to not get married to her, but he told us we were all wrong and married her. <br />
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7 years later, she was 8 months pregnant with his second child and he was attracted to an even more predatory woman unhappy with her marriage, and shacked up with her.. Once again, I tried to point out the obvious to him, but wasted my breathe once again... <br />
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Another 7 years later divorced by predator #1 and having "married " predator #2 and fathering 2 more children with #2, Predator #2 informs my oldest boy that she is shacking up with some other guy in Town and that she is getting a divorce from my oldest boy.<br />
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Starting to sound like one of those "scandal programs" on afternoon TV, doesn't it?<br />
A month ago we got a tearful telephone call from my oldest boy , telling us how sad it is for him, and he was talking about going back to the bottle and suicide. My wife hopped on a plane to wipe away his tears.<br />
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I find it very difficult to be sympathetic. If he thinks he has it bad, how does he suppose wife #1 felt being dumped when she was 8 months pregnant? And how about our 4 innocent grandchildren that are now floundering between broken homes? The fulfillment of my oldest boy's lustful desires is not worth the heartache and troubles that have occurred.<br />
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I believe that God gave us the ten Commandments as mandatory guidelines to happiness. The 6th and the 9th commandments are repeats for a reason! God wanted humans to understand that adulterous relationships are definitely not the way to happiness either in this world or the next. <br />
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Most married couples have had temptations in the past, even I. But temptation by the devil is not a sin, and resisting temptation is a virtue. I asked God to remove this temptation and it went away.<br />
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In your case, you admit that you did not resist the temptation. But your attitude here indicates to me that you are being given a second chance by God to resist the temptation to live in adultery.. Don't miss this opportunity. I have always found, in my many years of life, that those who fail, admit that they were wrong, and successfully recover are the best people of all. <br />
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If the 10 commandments are not in your vocabulary, consider this.. If he can so easily break his promise of lifetime faithfulness to his present wife, what makes you think that you two will do any better if he divorces his lawfully married spouse and “marries” you? 'Till death do us part is not difficult to understand, is it? Don't learn the hard way like my oldest boy!