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I Battle Depression

I Just Want To Disappear

By: Emokitten
Written on March 22nd, 2011
I've gotten where I can't even tell my therapist anything and my mom just wants to go the easy route: meds. I don't want them. I'd rather be miserable and die then alter my brain. I can barely tell who I am as it is, meds will make me wonder that more, and if they don't, they aren't working... I refuse to deal with the side-effects... I want to have never existed... I can't take much more suffering... But I don't even have the energy to commit suicide, and even though they've hurt me, I can't hurt other people... they've raised me by guilt trips. And I don't have a sure-fire way to end it... they've made sure of that............
By: Emokitten
Age: 18-21 , Female
359 people have read this story

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6 responses
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    Emokitten
    Emokitten

    I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable talking to them... I don't trust easily anymore.

    Mar 26, 2011
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    prettyinpink
    prettyinpink

    keep looking for the right professional to talk to....it took me weeding through many of them, to find someone i felt completely at ease talking to..

    Mar 25, 2011
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    Emokitten
    Emokitten

    My mom who is on meds (should be on stronger ones, but then they'd make her crazy) says they don't make you happy... They just prevent extreme sadness... I feel numb enough on my own, without that crap to deal with. I am not the same person I was, but I don't think anything can ever change that since I've not only been depressed for so long, but um. I am not your average depressee. Meds wouldn't work because I think there's something else wrong with me.

    Mar 24, 2011
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    Emokitten
    Emokitten

    :/ I have already said no to meds... Depression is just a part of who I am. I don't need meds to help ignore the fact of how much my life sucks, I need to know how to fix my problems... And stop picking up more problems.

    Mar 23, 2011
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    Emokitten
    Emokitten

    I used to cut, I already have scars.. if I wasn't under the scrutiny of everyone else, I'd just start that again.... It's not a big deal.. I can't go outside; we have a psychopath that doesn't like to take his anger management drugs and likes to carry around guns on my road... I don't have the energy to do much of anything.. I can't make friends, I'm socially impaired... :/ Even my therapist told me my life sucks.

    Mar 23, 2011
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    MeLikesMelons
    MeLikesMelons

    I refuse to take meds too. I don't want anything I feel to be artificial. My therapist has given me about as much guidance as a fortune cookie, and my parents also just wanted a fast result. Please don't try to hurt yourself, I did that too, and it leaves you with ugly scars for he rest of your life. Go outside, find something you enjoy, be with people who don't make you feel you should be somebody you're not. It seems to be working for me. I wish you all the luck in the world.

    Mar 23, 2011
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