Life Is Bs

the main reasons why i battle depression is bcuz of being ''human''.....i hear malevolent voices that do nothing more than mock me and suck every little bit of joy i have in mainly depressed over things that i cannot change and to me as long as i can be sad i should be insignificant compared to the love of the more powerful...i feel like every little bit i love god is completely worthless in not an irreligious person..if i earned blessings i would not give them away...and im always under attack of some sort bcuz of others and their a world where we all have such dreams someones dreams must be shattered, especially when dealing with an enemy....if u read my hmmmmmmmm of course story you would see some of the reasons why i am depressed....granted i have learned alot about god over the past 6 years,but its never enough bcuz as long as there is more to have i feel like i have nothing no matter what i have...i cant just be happy bcuz then i feel like it is ignorant bliss....knowing that whatever i do...god can say something about me that abases afraid to have my tears wiped away bcuz he will probly say something like.....u delight in it and no one will mock u bcuz of me,but the BS of it me as long as it would is....
CryptaLuck CryptaLuck
22-25, M
4 Responses May 4, 2011

i battle depression too and it sux. sometimes i dont even want to know if another person on earth even exists...sometimes i dont want to exist. but i have learned thru experiences i have had in abusive foster homes that no matter how much they beat you, kick you, or abuse you if you ask, plead, cry, pray for help over and over everytime it happens you will hear nothing but yourself. ive never seen proof that god exists and nobody can show me and ive asked lots of people. i dont know why you think you have to keep yourself depressed or sad just because he might say something to make you sad again...that part confuses me. i really really want to be normal but depression keeps pulling me back down into a black hole away from everything. you sound like you do this to yourself on purpose. idk, my advice is to realize that god does not exist and the only person keeping you from being happy is you.

i battle depression also and your not going to like my answer. you have to change the way you think and be more positive. i go to a support group called DBSA (depression, bipolar, support alliance) and all my friends have mental issues and they are the best positive motivators.

Sorry you are so sad. Many of us are sad. Probably cuz the worls is full of hurt people hurting people. Not thinking my answer will be any better than the last two but ....I will make an attempt. Sounds to me like you think of God as if he is similar to one of your parents or a person who sits back enjoying watching you suffer. Sorry about that. I have been mad at God for years but I know He isn't waiting for me to do something so He can make snide remarks. I don't understand why He allows this f-d up world to go on and on. I am told it is something about Grace but it feels like hell. <br />
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I am pretty messed up right now and always have been. So it is hard to find encouraging words; but I do hope others can speak the truth in love to you so maybe you can get some releif. Blessings to you

no offense, but it sounds like you're pretty confused. you should probably see a therapist. you seem to personify God in such a way that He can say negative things about you that will hurt your sounds as though (granted i'm no shrink) you are being incredibly hard on yourself and justifying it all by supposing that God is the one being hard on you and passing judgement. You need to ease up on yourself and relax. There's nothing wrong with you. You're simply a human being dealing with all kinds of stuff, as all human beings do. Just let go, relax and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are now, instead of frantically worrying about who you "should" be.