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Enduring Hell

Depression is hell whether we are talking about something brought on by: bipolar(or as the byproduct of some other psychological disorder), rape, ******, molestation, verbal or emotional abuse, an accident, a death in the family. Depression is hell and the worst thing for a depressed person to hear is to just get over it. Do you really think that if it were that simple, that we'd still willingly suffer? Yes there may be a rare breed of misanthrope addicted to suffering but most of us in truth lack the necessary tools to get out of hell. It was said perfectly once in a Stephen King movie: 'hell is repetition'. Think about that for a minute, imagine someone living the less charmed version of 'Groundhog Day' and tell me that would not take a toll on you. I couldn't tell you all the triggers mine, it can be an event or something someone says or does or doesn't do. It can be nothing at all that sets me adrift on the sea of despair. Many can't bear to deal with the worst of me for on the flipside of my charming coin: there's cynicism, self hatred, frustration, despair, rage, suffering, loneliness without a choice in the matter along at times with an endless feeling of being 'lost'. None of those make me easy to deal with. You got to be quick to catch me, you have to pick up on things because I tend to shut people out when sliding along that slope. I don't care about the clothes I wear, the money I make or even the possessions I have from the computer to the dvds and the books. Those carry a sentimental value based on how I feel when I read or see them, that can be difficult for many to swallow for throngs upon throngs of the masses thrive on their personal possessions and could not imagine life without them.
RoaringFlameLostinShadow RoaringFlameLostinShadow 31-35, M 5 Responses May 10, 2011

Your Response


I understand what you say all to well I battle with depression every day I am a victem of ****** molestation, physical emotional and mental abuse all at the hands of the guy who molested me. I was raped at 16 and my mom keeps telling me I need to talk to someone like who? I hate when she says that she hasn't been through what I have its hard to say it out loud or even in my head.

Jesus that's terrible, I hope he rots in hell or at least goes to jail.

But he's family and I was 5 when it happened the ****** I mean and pluses I don't want my ******* father to find out he would blame my mom or the whole family would say I made it up. And I must don't want or need that ****.

I'm sorry - that's horrible.


1 More Response

I liked the quote you brought up, "Hell is repitition" and the comparison you made to Groundhog Day. It is just like that, isn't it. It becomes so exhausting after going through it time and time again, day after day. Maybe we need to find something that gives us a small break from our routine of depression, like treating ourselves to doing something we like, even if we don't like it as much as we think we would if we weren't depressed. For me, it's something simple, because I agree with you that possesions and material ob<x>jects have little value. I like to cuddle with a blanket, maybe watch a movie, and zone out. I know it doesn't sound like much of a solution, but it's a bit of a break usually. Do you like movies? Going for jogs? Gaming? Cooking? I know they lose their luster when you're depressed, but I hope you find something to break away from the otherwise painful routine.<br />

I know, the catch is rewiring yourself to catch yourself BEFORE you slip.

What do you mean? what does one do to help me you mean?

What does one do when you're on the flipside of your charming self?? sit in darkness??